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Can we do this? (Never had court-ordered agreement...)

sammmx's picture

So ever since my boyfriend's son was born (he's 2 1/2) all child support and visitation agreements have been discussed between him and BM. They have never gone to court. This was good and bad because Angel no one wants to go to court but (b) she took mad advantage of him and would expect all this CS without letting him see his son when they had agreed, etc.

Anyway, so recently BM had to sign temporary custody over to us since she's a loser drug addict with no house or place to stay. Right now she has visitation with their son from 1:30-4 one day a week at the Children's Aid offices. Now, I know she wants to see him more often (& she's technically allowed as long as we supervise it & are okay with it - but we refuse to) and is always trying to come up with excuses or ways to see him.

I was wondering if any of you with experience in this area could help me try and figure this out. I'm sure she will eventually gain her regular full custody back as when it comes down to it she is pretty good at pulling the wool over our social workers eyes (always shows up straight sober to the arranged meetings - however I took the 2 year old to her other son's birthday party and she was higher than high then, & she will call my boyfriend all high in the middle of the night -like 2am- wanting to talk to her son) but I'm wondering how exactly it goes with CAS vs the court issue...

Like if we wanted to gain full custody of him legally, could we go to court and demonstrate that he should live with us always - more than temporarily - and then once (if) she's sober she can come and fight it? Or because she has already signed over temporary custody & CAS recognizes her as an unfit mother at the moment, does that mean we still can't take her court and just use that as evidence against her? I know it sounds bad, but we don't want her in his life at all. She is toxic. And then there's always the chance she doesn't get sober, so he just remains in our 'temporary' custody and continues to see his mom once a week for...? The rest of his life?

The whole thing is a pain in the ass really, and we're just worried we'll spend all this time with him and then she'll get him back and be so bitter over it that she will be less cooperative. And obviously it would be extremely fortunate for us to go to court at a time like this, where she's already lost him (for a second time). If it's possible.

I don't know, can anyone help me out here?

overworkedmom's picture

Get a lawyer. Go file for custody- full time. You need to do this now while she is unstable. This is not one of those piss around and get to it later situations. You need to handle this ASAP.

tweetybird74's picture

When CAS is involved ther must be a set amount of time stipulated that she has before she can go back to court to try to get custody of her child back, as well as any other stipulations that CAS put forth in their order such as drug rehab, parenting class etc, this could be 6 months or more. I am assuming you have spoken/meet the social worker involved in the case as they would have had to check out your home etc before approving the child live there? Then there is how much involvement has BM has with CAS? There is no reason you cannot go to court and try to get full custody of this child and the fact she has a CAS file that is current will help somewhat. The fact she only has 3.5 hrs a week of supervised visits says to me the worker is taking the issues seriously and ensuring the kid is kept safe. But also knowing how things can go with CAS he current worker could change at any time and that could change everything?

sammmx's picture

Yeah, the social worker has come to our house once already and she is coming back for another home visit on the 29th. I'm just worried that she's going to play off to the social worker that she's "better" just because she can stay sober one day a week. I'm not 100% sure what the details are about what she has to do, CAS never told us much actually. I just let my boyfriend do the talking really when CAS came but next time I think I'm going to be asking my own questions. We were never really told what is happening, just that he is staying with us until she "gets her act together" whatever that entails. But in 2 years she has lost the boy twice...and he is only 2! Her boyfriend is in jail right now and she still admits to being with him and continuing a relationship with him. She abuses drugs. She burnt her house down. She is living in hotels/shelters. We don't want him going back there, she already has an 8 year old son who has been through similar experiences and we don;t want the 2 year old to experience the same. Next week I told my boyfriend he has to take his son to the drop off (I have been doing it but I'm not comfortable with it, BM usually bashes me &/or throws a scene) and I'm going to see if he'll ask CAS what's going on. I know if we take her to court, especially given her current circumstances having lost her children & been in jail for a couple days, there's no way she could be seen as a fit mother. We just don't want to go back to him being with her 6 days a week and us like 1.5. It's not fair to us and she's not doing a good job as it is - if anything it should be the opposite. I just hope this is something we are able to do. Boyfriend is so non-confrontational and acts like such a door mat to her that I know I will have to do alot of pushing and supporting him in this. Argh.

tweetybird74's picture

Ask the worker, how long the order is for, meaning when is she expected to go back to court with CAS? I am not sure what her BF did to be put in jail but if CAS has ordered he not be around the child then her still seeing him is a big NO NO. You can even tell the worker you want permanent custody of the child, and depending on the worker they may help you with this as they are there to protect the child not BM. Many social workers are good at seeing through the acts that BM's put on and the worker may already be aware of what she is doing. I would have your BF state to the worker that he wants to seek custody of the child, if you can get CAS to help in this it will go even better. The courts very rarely go against what CAS says about where a child should be or not be so the worker could actually make it quite easy for you, but I think the mother would have to sign over her rights permanently which may be difficult unless the worker can get her to do or CAS decides to take away her rights completely. Either way you need to get the ball rolling to get custody of this kid, get your BF to do it NOW!