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Child Abuse? Is there something going on here?

Madam Hedgehog's picture

The boys have exhibited a wide range of bizarre behaviors for as long as I can remember. However, recently their behaviors have been even more strange and I am starting to get worried that there is some sort of abuse going on. I'd love it someone--anyone--could give me some ideas about this.

1. SS5 started grabbing SS2 by the crotch about eight months ago. He does it to pull him to the ground, drag him from one place to another, or to upset him. DH has told him on multiple occassions not to do this (he could hurt him) and SS5 quits for a while and then comes back from his mom's house (he's there 30% of the time) and is doing it again.

2. SS5 has started touching his own crotch and digging in his butt pretty much nonstop. When DH asked him about this, he said he was uncomfortable. ?. We got him new underwear (boxers) but that hasn't seemed to help at all.

3. The sibling rivalry has reached the point where we have to intercede every 15 minutes or so. SS5 is OBSESSED with tormenting his brother. He lures SS2 away from DH's surveillance, teases him until SS2 finally snaps and hits him, and then rats him out gets SS2 sent to timeout. This happens between ten and twenty times a day. I actually caught SS5 grabbing SS2's face (over the mouth and nose) and SS2 hit him, and then SS5 tried to get SS2 in trouble for hitting. It is nonstop. SS5 has also started teasing/tormenting the dog at every possible turn.

4. There is an odd pattern going on in which the kids will redirect their anger at a smaller person/animal. When SS5 is angry at DH or me, he will often hit/push SS2, who then redirects onto the dog. This pattern can take place within five seconds. The other day, DH reprimanded SS5 for teasing again. SS5 pushed SS2, who turned around and hit the dog in the face. Is that normal?

5. SS5 has amnesia when questioned. If he says something odd or does something odd, he magically cannot remember where he heard it or saw it. I have known this kid since he was 2.5 and I cannot even remember the last time he actually explained something instead of magically forgetting.

6. SS5 is convinced that he owns SS2 and has said that he is SS2's father. He micromanages every moment of SS2's day when he is around and has literally told people "that's mine" when referring to his little brother.

7. SS2 is sometimes overly protective of SS5. I was playing with SS5 the other day and SS2 came in started yelling "get away from my brother!" We play all the time, and the only thing I can think that was different was that we were playing in DH and my bed. ?. I tried to joke with SS2 about it, but he kept it up for like 10 minutes and never calmed down.

8. SS2 is always talking about being a bad guy, or SS5 being a bad guy, and talks about killing things or people quite frequently.

9. Chronic constipation.

SS2 has had chronic constipation issues for over a year. He eats at our house from 7AM until 4PM every day. Then he has dinner at his mom's house. The next day he is ALWAYS constipated. There have been two incidences in the last 8 weeks when he was so constipated he was crying, screaming, snotting, shaking on the toilet for 30 minutes at a time. I literally thought we were going to have to take him to the hospital. DH has tried to discuss this with BM but she is not interested and does not seem to care.

SS5 also went through serious constipation issues. He actually cried for three days due to constipation about a year ago.

At first I thought it was a dietary issue, but we feed the boys nothing but health food and they eat 9 out of 10 meals at our house. How could one meal at BM's cancel out a full day's worth of healthy food? I am wondering if she is giving them some sort of medication to put them to sleep, is restricting water to deter accidents at night, or if she is just making them so nervous they become constipated?



Madam Hedgehog's picture

We just found out that BM has a new boyfriend, but it is a very recent development. These behaviors have been going on for much longer.

We also wondering if she is overmedicating (antidepressants) or constantly drunk. She has been filling out school forms incorrectly and mispelling basic words for over a year now. She is an elemntary teacher and a part time accountant, so she ought to be able to spell shy correctly (rather than 'she') and happy (rather than happee). She's also been screwing up the forms by putting the wrong name in the wrong place, etc.

I think I am going to try to get DH to take SS5 to a counselor. I have mentioned it before and he always avoided the idea, but at this point I just can't imagine what else to do.

ThatGirl's picture

Definitely take them both in to see the pediatrician and ask him about their constipation issues and itchy privates, as well as behavioral issues. Counseling might not be a bad idea, as well, if the pediatrician recommends it.