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DH has no spine with BM, SD or Mother

captivasun636's picture

How can after 6 years of marriage I am now ready for a divorce. In the past 2 years DH has no spine to comfront issues that have directly affected our marriage caused by SD. SD uses him by only coming to house twice a year for Xmas and B-day. Basically when there is something in it for her. She tell DH family lies about him and I onlyh to be caught and not made to apologize to me much less DH co-parenting with BM. His mother continues to have dinners at BM house. She joins in on conversations with BM as to how BM needs more child support since she know DH is making more money. What BM fails to remember is when DH was out of work for a year she got her full amount of CS even though his unemployment checks where 50% less than what he was making. Bad decision on my part.

I love DH but I hate him for not being a "father" to his daughter, not standing up to his ex nor his mother. He knows how I feel and we have discussed these issues numerous of times. His reponse: "I will fix it".

My adult children treat him with the up most respect and are now making comments to me as why he chooses to "run and hide".

Any suggestion or help is truly appreciated.

DeeDeeTX's picture

Sorry to hear what you are going through. A very wise person once said, "You can never make anyone do anything. You can only make consequences for them NOT doing it."

Unfortunately in the case of spouses like these, sometimes there are no consequences that will make them stop their enabling, spineless behavior....and in that case, the only options are figuring out a way to deal with it, or divorce.

Good luck.

captivasun636's picture

Its sad that divorce has be the consequences. I don't want to go that route and wish their was a magic solution or option for me. I am just beat down at this point in my life.

captivasun636's picture

I have tried to discuss my feelings about the entire situation with him over the past 2 years. Again, he sits there like a whimp. I have gotten to the point of telling him that this is affecting our marrige and how unhappy I am. That is when he said "I will fix it". That was 6 months ago and various lies about me to his family from SD. I believe that now he knows I have had it as I have started to work more hours and have become distant with him. The other night he asked me in bed what he had done and I said "nothing" that is the problem.

DeeDeeTX's picture

You could always try marriage counseling. Sometimes hearing a third party call them on their behavior and giving them strategies for stopping it can really help.

captivasun636's picture

Frieda,thank you for the suggestions on the books. At this point I want to find a solution. Anything that will help DH realize that these manipulative women are ruining his life.

captivasun636's picture

fridea, I can't find the emotional blackmail book on amazon, do you by chance have the authors name?