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Guilty Daddy?

sunnyside's picture

I keep seeing the phrase guilty daddy. I know my DH must be one. Is this a syndrome I can read about? Is there a book? More info, please...:)

Auteur's picture

Your man just might be a guilty daddy if you can answer "yes" to one or more of the following:

1. Does your man allow co-sleeping with his children? (aka the kiddies routinely jump into bed with him at night)

2. Does he have to lie down with them to get them to sleep?

3. Do the children seem somehow "stunted" socially? Do they have poor hygiene habis, eating habits, bedtime habits?

4. Does your man subscribe to the "one big happy family" model? (expects you to love his children as much as or more than him)

5. Does your man have the "inability" to say no to his children?

6. Do his children seem overly "hyperactive" to you?

7. Does your man say "just relax; you worry too much" or "Everything will be just fine" if you bring up a legitimate concern

8. Do the children seem "overly needy" demanding that dad spend 24/7 with them? Do they physically lay all over him and go bonkers when daddy steps out of their peripheral vision?

9. Are they unable to do age appropriate tasks or want dad to do things that could easily be done themselves?

10. Does dad seem overprotective of his children; unwilling to let them try things out on their own?

11. Has dad said things like "I don't want to make waves with the BM b/c it will affect the children" or "we'll take the high road" when faced with blatant BM stepping over boundaries.

alwaysanxious's picture

Here is a divorce dad site. I'm sure you can find a lot of guilty dads on there. this one describes his feelings.

Basically, they feel so guilty about not seeing their kids on a regular basis anymore that they do some or all of the following:
1. Make their house all fun and entertainment. Not normal, normal is boring
2. Buy anything skids want, not need, even if skids aren't asking for anything
3. No punishment, you don't want what little time with them to be bad
4. Never give boundaries chores or rules. You don't want the children to feel unwelcome.

My own aside.. make sure to devote all your attention to the skids when they are there. your relationship with SM is secondary. Make sure to act all moody and mope around when you miss your kids, even if you have a life and your wife/girlfriend wants to live it.

Kes's picture

I have not come across a book on this phenomenon as yet - the term usually refers to the guilt felt by non custodial fathers who, when they do see their children, often on a very part time basis, over-compensate for their absence by over indulging the child or children. This can mean either spending a lot of money on them, giving them all their attention for the time that they are with them, sometimes to the detriment of their other family, and other over-compensatory type behaviour such as not enforcing any discipline.

You may also see the term here "Disney Dad" this is fairly self explanatory - but is a result of the above situation. Dad tries to create a fantasy fun filled experience eg when his children visit for the weekend, sometimes causing resentment to others, especially the SM - who get ignored!

Dory's picture

When Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaddy changes skids WILL drop him! They might even whine - but I want it all to go back to how it was before.