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Bothered by FH's frequent contacts with ex-MIL

emmalee05's picture

I have a bit of an issue here where my fiance is very friendly and close with his ex's parents. We live about 8 hrs away from them all (including ex and son) but FH doesn't intereact much with his ex. She has alot of her own issues and basically doesn't reach out to him concerning their son. He tries to contact her and his son most of the time and he's the one that initiates visits. There is no legal custody schedule in place, but most of the time when he asks her to have him for the weekend she's ok with it. So theres really no problem there. The problem is I think he is overly close with his ex's parents. They talk on the phone or email at least once a week. They just talk on and on about his ex and everything thats going on with her. My fiance is very curious about her going ons and its very irritating to me. There is always something going on with her and so they always have something to talk about. His ex's parents always want him to talk to her and help her out. And of course he does. The thing is when they were together, her parents didn't like him at all and wanted them to break up the entire time they were together and now that they've split up they love him like their own son. My fiance probably doesn't know that it bugs me when he talks to them. I just feel like why must they talk about her all the time. It makes me feel like he isn't over her. Why does he still care about her that much? It makes me feel like he doesn't respect me. And he really wants us to get married right away. We've been together a little more than a yr and a half. I love him dearly. And also he doesn't try to reach out to my parents at all. I feel like if we're going to get married he should at least try to get to know my parents instead of continuing the inappropriate intereactions with his ex's parents. His parents and I get along really well.

Snowflake's picture

Agreed.. whenever I ask a question about BM, dh just looks at me with this WTF look on his face and will tell me that he doesn't know and doesn't care!!!

Your fiance needs to stop asking questions about bm and needs to completly disengage. His concern needs to be about you, and not about her.

StepChicka's picture

I hate to say it but it sounds like he's not completely emotionally detached from BM. I'm not saying he's still in love or has romantic feelings but some kind of co-dependent attachment is going on and it isn't healthy for any of you including the X-ILs. To keep in contact for the kid is one thing but to communicate the goings of BMs personal life isn't cool.

Perhaps some counseling would help. This isn't going to go away even with a gruff talkingto.

HennyPen's picture

--My fiance is very curious about her going ons and its very irritating to me. --

That would be a big, big red flag in my opinion. My DH wants to know nothing of FishNchips life and doesn't care, just as I have no real intersest in my Ex's life. He obviously isn't completely over the relationship in some capacity or he wouldn't be so involved.

emmalee05's picture

and also whenever he does communicate with BM, he hides it from me. The emails they write to each other, he makes sure i'm not in the room when he reads or write them. And he does most of the calling to her/his son whenever i'm at work. i just don't know how to approach him with this. it does bother me obviously but i think this is a topic that will be very sensitive to him along with most DHs. i really wish he didn't care so much about her.

StepChicka's picture

I would bring it up the next time you get wind of one their conversations or soon after. Just clarify that you understand there needs to be some communication between them two because they have a child together but the part that concerns you is he's so secretive about it. It makes you think he's hiding something profound. If he's still being obstinate then I would be seriously considering the fate of your relationship. You can't go through life with someone who's so evasive with the very person who he should sharing his private life with.