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Need help from BMs, what is she thinking?

Elizabeth's picture

My husband agreed to let SD14 go live with BM. She has been with us primarily for the past three years and nine months, after BM moved an hour away (without the court's permission, SD is a ward of the county). BM has always "claimed" she wants SD to live with her.

Husband told BM SD could move to start new school year, which began Thursday, Jan. 24. Guess what, she's still with us!? And BM had her Wednesday, Jan. 23. Why not keep her and enroll her and let her get started?

Husband and I are both baffled. We got a notice the county sheriff is looking for husband, we suspect to serve with court papers so BM can get CS. We have had SD for nearly 4 years with NO support. I suspect BM will not take SD without CS, which is why she is still here.

Does anyone know what could be going through BM's head right now? (If I was a BM who hadn't had her child in almost four years and husband said take her, I would be there within the hour and she would go home with me.)

_Jess_'s picture

Sounds like she's looking for a payout. Why do you want to let SD live with her? Do you guys have custody now, or is it just sort of by private agreement with BM that you've had her for almost 4 years?

Does SD want to move in with BM?

Elizabeth's picture

We stopped getting along the day I married her father (she was 8.5). BM moved an hour away when SD was 11 and left her with us. Wouldn't sign over custody, but we have SD during the school year and some time during the summer. Ends up being about 70 percent of the year.

SD's behavior has gotten progressively worse over the intervening almost 4 years. Constantly complains about wanting to go live with BM. Finally came to a head and husband agreed to let her start new school year there. But she's still here and I can't understand why!

Sita Tara's picture

If once she sees the grass is not greener with BM she is back anyway. I would try not to attach to the outcome either way. My H's neice left her dad's (he's loud and verbally abusive) to go back to live with her deadbeat mom (my H's sister who is years behind in CS.) DH's sister talked this huge talk about how she needed CS canceled for her daugther to live there, because she married somebody who does contract work, and she's always quitting jobs herself. She was going to take him back to court (how with no money?) and get full custody b/c that's what her daughter wanted.

We have been through a lot with my SIL, she's got a lot of issues. Well...her daughter came for the summer and started school there. Then SIL quit another job, her H lost a bid on a job, there was no food in the house, H's BS was on house arrest for theft...all kinds of crap. neice is now back with her BF. I know that it's not a good situation, but we live a couple states away, have offered for neice to come here etc. My niece stayed with us for a few weeks and went on vaction with us last summer, and couldn't wait to get back home to the drama. I honestly think she wouldn't want to be here where we actually parent. Her parents are both so screwed up that she runs free.

My SIL was actually saying that now that she's 13 she's going to put her on birth control. I'm a realist, about trying to help her make good decisions, give her some age appropriate rules and limits? Nope...they let her run wild. I happen to know that access to birth control when you're that young doesn't mean you're even smart enough to take it correctly. This child is in for it.

At any rate, long story LONG....your SD may need a dose of reality to take BM off the pedestal. My SD has put her crazy BM on one as of late and it's because she "treats me like a friend" instead of parenting her. It's a losing battle Sad

Peace, love, and red wine

sixxnguns's picture

she's looking for a my fiancee's's all she's interested in...she wants more child support now that she has FSS fulltime we can't afford what we give her now, we can't even pay our rent without borrowing money from fiancee's parents.(he's looking for a better paying job) I wouldn't know about getting child support in a timely manner, my daughter's BD is one who can't keep a job and I just let CSE deal with him. I can get by on my own, I'm used to it and I'm not vindictive about it either. Karma will kick these greedy people in the butt for not putting their children first Sad

Elizabeth's picture

I thought for sure SD would stay with BM, who had her this weekend. But lo and behold, husband had to go pick up SD Sunday night, as usual. What the hell is wrong with that woman?