Don't know what to think of this
I have a 15 yr old SD who lives with me and her father because her mother is bipolar. My SD has been using her cel phone and the computer to get young men to drive over to the house so she can sneak off with them and have sex. She has been doing this for 2 years. Yes it started when she was 13 yrs old. The bad behavour stops when her father takes the phone and internet away from her for very short periods of time. When she gets them back she is right back at it again.
The problem is, last weekend she invited a girlfriend for a sleepover and when I woke up at about 10pm that night to get something to eat; I noticed her friend was watching TV by herself. I went looking for her and found her and a 17 year old boy having sex in her room. Her father felt that taking her cel phone away for 2 weeks was punishment enough and gave the cel phone back to her.
I told him that I didn't want her to have use of the cel phone or the computer after 8pm because I don't want to wake up one night and find that some stranger she found on the internet wanted more than just her and ends up killing us or taking our things.
My husband is very lazy about his child she has no chores and never picks up after herself or cleans her room. Her room smells so bad sometime I have to go in and clean it. I have a cleaning service and they told me they didn't want to go in there anymore.
My husband has MS and can not pick up after her eather, if it gets done Iam the one to do it.
And yes the BM has every other weekend to make things worse, and she does. She has been so bad that I have a restraining order.
Any thoughts from others would be great.
Oh My!!!!
I think she would lose the cell phone and the internet indefinitely!! That is just a nightmare! I'm just in shock by what you are dealing with!
Yuck!! I wouldn't want to clean in there after who knows what is going on but I know what it feels like to be the only one to clean things up. It must get pretty bad if the cleaning service won't even go in there.
I sounds like she needs some major restrictions but good luck getting the biomom to cooperate with any punishments!
Dawn
RE:
This doesn't seem to be in the right forum, it would fit better in the teenage stepchildren thread...not to be nitpicky but as I read more and more I was wondering when you were going to start talking about a crazy bio parent...
But anyway, this girl has very huge problems and she needs help, bad. Taking away the cell and internet for a short period of time and then giving it back is NOT going to fix things. If no one else understands that this is a huge problem, she's in serious trouble! Personally, NO ONE that I do not know will be in my house, and NO ONE will be in my house without permission. This kid is in desperate need of some boundaries! I hate to think about what she's going to turn into if this behavior is not stopped!
*~So sayeth Nymh~*
Don't know what to think of this
Hi Nymh,
This is where the crazy bio parent comes into play, when I asked my SD what her mom would have done if she had walked in on SD and the boy having sex, SD said, her mother would have laughed her head off. My SD's mother is posting herself on the internet as hot and single, willing to do anything with anyone, she is the problem with my SD. She tells my SD to tell her dad that he is a bad father because he doesn't let her exspress herself. My SD is as thin as a rail and I have taken her to the doctor because I am worried and doctor said she needs to eat more and when the doctor talked to the bio mom she told the doctor, if SD eats it will go right to her but and doesn't need to eat. One other thing, bipolar is something that can be passed down in families. Having sexual problems is part of that illness. The bio mother took her to get her nose pierced last weekend, she came home with a hudge ring in it and all her school mates told her it looked rediculas and she removed it.
The bio mother has dressed herself up like a clown with pig tails and strange clothing to come and sit in my front yard at 6am in the morning and started knocking on my door, talking at the top of her lungs about all kinds of off the wall things. She has followed me to the market and church taking picturs of me. She has called and left all kinds of messages on the phone, that she was going to kill me and how she was going to kill me and how because she is mentaly ill she will not go to jail because she can't help it, that she was going to die or get married and move to India and never see her kids, most of her calls are sexual in nature and very purverted.
This woman even calls on Christmas eve to talk to her kids and tells them she is going to the hospital to die and that they should have a nice Christmas without her. Bottom line is she will do anything she can to mess up or upset my household if she can.
I think you SD has some kind
I think you SD has some kind of problem sexually. You should have he checked out, perhaps her hormones are too wild (not normal). Ask a gynecologist about her active sex life and see if they know anything that might be causing it. I would get rid of the phone & computer altogether and not let her out by herself w/out supervision from you or your husband. I think it is a big problem for her to be so sexually active and not even afraid of doing it at your own house w/you guys around. Does she know about STDs and safe sex? You said your husband does nothing to set values or discipline this child, he really needs to think about that, it shows in SD's actions that she lacks discipline and common sense because father & mother failed to give her that. As a result of that she does whatever she wants.
-happy mom
" WOW".. And I thought I had
" WOW".. And I thought I had it bad with my BF x and kids!!
I feel so bad for you, Ya know maybe you could talk to her dad about getting her some in-patient help somewhere.
Like here in Fla they have a place called :
" The shreiffs girls youth ranch", Its for teenagers and young kids that are like this and that dont respect themselfs let alone their peers.
The truth is: Her mother has been anything but a good influence, and you step daughter is now a product of it. She needs help as you see, If she dont end up catching something first and later dying you could possibly have the police at your door later one night telling you you SD was found dead.
You can find a in-patient program near you, Ther father obviously is not putting down enough structure and poor you is running around in circles. Their are programs that will take her for 6 months to a year( and I am not talking about boot camp, I am talking about real help that offers exstensive counseling and 24 hour watch care). She sounds like a very confussed person, and she is maybe tring to find a sense of belonging by having sex.
She is seeking some kind of emotional need of maybe feeling Wanted, but its only false security(like what her mother has given her from what it sounds like).
I am going to tell you this from my own personal exsperience,
My parents loved me VERY much, and I was on a path of destruction when I was in my teen years, they noticed the sighns even when I was younger.As I got older I had the cops from down town Detroit bringing me home knocking on my parents door ar 3 to 4 a.m- Telling them to do something with me before they find me dead in a ditch somewhere.My parenets eventually seeked me help, I was a in-patient for 2 years.If my parents did not take that action I dont know if I would be here writting you right now.
DO WHAT YOU HAVE TO!!
Step in even if know one else will, YOU DO IT!
make phone calls, call everywhere you can BUT GET THAT GIRL SOME HELP!
I promise you, regaurdless of how she may be now she will thank you for it later when she is older and mature. Don't give up on her.. She exspects you to like everyone else.
Be the first,and show her what REAL love is about, She is yelling out in her own way and its so obvious. Doing things to get some kind of attention. So dont just worry about pulling her phone privlliages, Pull her freedom and find her structure some place where she can get the help she needs so she will be around, and so she can learn selfrespect and function healthy as a adult.You are tring, you have been tring from what it sounds like, But sometimes... we as parents or step parents just are not enough, Sometimes we need resources, Exspecially when it becomes a safety issue for children and for us.!
I hope I helped a little, And I hope it changes for you, be strong.. because it sounds like you been only the one who has been.
You can do it!!
You cared enough to post this, So this tells me that you care and you are worried, and its a effecting everyone, So much so it sounds like hubby has no idea what to do or how to handle it.
Bi-polar
Have you ever thought that your SD may be exhibiting signs of Bi-Polar herself? Sexually precocious behaviour is one of the symptoms of this illness. I cared for my Bi-polar ex mother-in -law for 5 years, and believe me, I know!