BM got married and didn't even tell SS - Vent
So, BM got married about 10 days ago. Did not invite SS to her wedding let alone even inform him.
Now before you all start the shit storm and attacking me - YES why would she? He does not wish to have any further contact with her. BUT
This is the woman who claims that we keep him away from her, we 'whisper in his ear' to influence him etc etc. Facts are that we are done with suggesting to him that he contact her, done with asking if he is going over to see her when we go to visit family in that area. Done with suggesting he send a christmas or birthday card or phone her because he just refuses.
But no she will not have it: we are stopping him. *sigh*
BM: 'I don't even know what school he is going to' Ok, so why have you never asked? and what difference would it make? She never went to school parents evenings (that was because DH refused way back to be her taxi to those events, once she did have a bf with transport she still didn't go) she never contacted the school or asked to see his report.
The last time she contacted him was just after we moved last year in august. SS never picks up the phone if we are here so if she or SD calls then we just pass it to him. Hardly stopping her contact with him.
No birthday or christmas cards or presents for the last 2 years.
This woman is still going around telling all and sundry that we keep him away from her, thus the Beauty treatments Blog from a couple of months ago. We can't stop this happening, those people do that kind of thing because she just cannot look at herself and see that she has caused it. Abusing, bullying and threatening us(from her, her friends, her now husband and SD) is not going to make her son want to be around her. It's quite obvious to anyone with half a brain.
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I think at some point the
I think at some point the child AND the parent have to take responsibility for what relationship (or lack of relationship) they have with each other. Relationships are a two way street.
A parent can not put a child up on a shelf and show no interest but then expect the kid to keep patiently waiting. It sounds as if SS stopped waiting.
I don't think , unless it is bothering the young man that his BM didn't bother to inform him of a marriage, that I would spend much time stressing over it myself. Whatever has happened between mother and son, you can't fix it for them. My Dh's mother (now deceased) would grumble and whine and play victim that her son (my DH) didn't call or come see her as often as she thought he should, and they were , of course, both adults. With Dh, I think he just got tired of chasing his mother. They had a relationship, but it wasn't close. I know it was myself who kind of pushed and encouraged what they did have. After a while, I just pretty much decided it was on them and stopped. I didn't encourage nor discourage them.
I would think it's even harder for a child and young man. Is it a very far distance from where BM lives to where SS lives? I would think that even if transportation wasn't always available that surely there were ways to take a bus or train or beg a ride.
DH's job moved two hours away
DH's job moved two hours away to the coast last August so we are now a bit of a distance from them which I like a lot
We have been back on visits to DH's family as they all live around there still and SS has been there to visit them by train as well as with us but he still didn't go and see her. He just has zero u know what's to give.
"...at some point the child
"...at some point the child AND the parent have to take responsibility for what relationship (or lack of relationship) they have..."
This is so true!! My DH makes the effort with SD21. She, however, can only be bothered to contact DH when she needs money. She sucks.
Some people just like to play
Some people just like to play the victim... Our BM dint bother with the Skids for ages... Told everyone else it was our fault and that we were using theSkidd as pawns... In reality we were just trying to keep everything as functioning as possible for the Skids during the emotional whiplash. BM abandons the Skids and all their stuff at our place and boom, tries to convince SD4 that we're the ones keeping them apart... After only calling once in almost 3 months...
Your BM just sounds like a person who plays the victim here... Doesn't want to take responsibility, so she throws a sob story everyone's way solely to protect her image and get babied.
^^ yep that's it in a
Not defending her at all on
Not defending her at all on her otherwise horrible parental relationships but a lot of SM's have advocated keeping wedding plans mum so that the other parent won't cause issues.
Was it a big wedding with
Was it a big wedding with other family and friends there? How did he find out she got married?
I don't know much about it
I don't know much about it but I think there were friends and family. BM had a long red wedding gown, hair all done with bits added and a big ole bouquet he was told *shrugs*. He heard via the wonderful fb where he talks to his cousins sometimes.
My BM did not invite my SS3,
My BM did not invite my SS3, or SS5, to her wedding. We have them 50/50 custody. Dude didn't ask their permission to marry their mother. Didn't invite them to the ceremony. Didn't tell them it was going to happen. They had it on OUR weekend, so the boys legally had a StepDad for 6 days before thay had any Idea. Luckily, the three and five year old didn't have a facebook page to see all of her wedding pictures untill she could explain to them the difference between a "paperwork" wedding and a "real" wedding. Whatever that means to a three year old. . .