How do you answer the tough questions?
Today SS asked me if my daughter loved his mom. I told him that my daughter didn't know his mom. Then he asked if my daughter did know his mom, if she would love her then. I told him maybe.
I mean really, what do you say to that?
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I think I would have answered
I think I would have answered that "She loves her mom."
Well, we'd covered that
Well, we'd covered that earlier in the conversation when he asked if she loved me, and he asked me how I knew.
It was a perfectly pleasant conversation till it wasn't. You know how it goes....
I would have wanted to know
I would have wanted to know why but then that is me and based on my circumstances.
You could have used the standard of your mom is not related to my BD in any way and therefore there is no reason for her to love your mom. Usually we love our parents and family members. Your mom is neither of those things to BD. She is your mom and how you feel about her is what is important.
Mmmmm.... that last bit is a
Mmmmm.... that last bit is a good answer. Thank you.
We had this conversation
We had this conversation around the dinner table at my house.
One of the skids, don't honestly recall which one, asked my daughter if she liked their mother.
"No."
Why not?
"She called my mother a slut. It's only out of respect for my mother that I haven't throat punched her for that."
The rest of the meal was eaten in silence by the skids, as they absorbed the thought that not everyone liked their beloved bm.
Bwahahahaha! That's
Bwahahahaha! That's fantastic!
JHW, you and now your DD are
JHW, you and now your DD are my heroes! LOL That was a great answer.
You may also want to soften
You may also want to soften the blow by saying that BM is like an adult that BD knows and has no real connection with except vicariously through SS such as a teacher or counselor, boy scout leader. BM is just an adult that has a relationship with SS and not BD. SS doesn't love his teachers and counselors or whatever.
ETA: SS may be trying to figure out if he loves you or should love you and how that plays into his mom. If this makes sense. He doesn't realize yet at his age that while you are his stepmom his mom has no relation to you and your family.
He's been asking a lot of
He's been asking a lot of time-related questions too, like if he came to my house as a baby, or if I was around when he was a baby etc.
But then he's also been asking my "Why did God make _____" for EVERYTHING.
I just keep answering I don't know over and over and over again.
Finally this afternoon he said "You don't know much about God at all do you?"
"I guess not kiddo."
You could try telling him G-d
You could try telling him G-d did those things because that is what he wanted and it is not our place to question him. If you are comfortable saying that then great. If not you can always say when you get to Heaven ask G-d why he did the things he did. He just did these things and did not give us a reason why. He must have thought they would benefit us somehow.
DD4 has been asking a lot of tough questions about G-d lately but I think that has more to do with going to church more and her being cognizant of it. We also talked a lot about dad going to Heaven so that has made her ask questions too. It could just be SS has been exposed to church or someone who goes/speaks about it and biblical things frequently.
DD also wants to know if I went places or did things that she does when I was a little girl. She also asks if we did things too but she is so young that it is rare when she asks what life was like when she was a baby. She did ask me why dad and I had her and she wants to know why I only had one baby instead of two. Yes DD I ordered two but G-d saw fit to just send you. LOL She doesn't give an inch on the questions. Maybe it is just age.
I am not Christian, and
I am not Christian, and neither is his father. It seems more appropriate to answer as honestly as I can without contradicting what he's being taught at BM's, as per court order.
Maybe I should just tell him
Maybe I should just tell him to ask his stuffed Jesus....
j/k
Indeed. If it wasn't a gift
Indeed. If it wasn't a gift from one of his other grandmothers I'd probably try and find a way for him to lose it. :O
I do worry a bit, familial
I do worry a bit, familial loyalty being what it is, that if SS continues to care about this topic into the years that follow DD actually talking and comprehending all of these things, that it'll make her want to pick a side.
I really want to try and nuture as little of a divide as possible between the sibs.
You can't avoid this. It will
You can't avoid this.
It will come to a head at some point where your SS is gonna say something about his mom being the best and your DD is going to snort and say nope... mine is.
And she will then recite to him chapter and verse about how she knows that.
"Remember that time when your mom wouldn't... and my mom did it for you"
"Remember when your mom did (insert action) and my mom had to fix it"
"Remember that time when your mom said (insert nasty comment) and my mom had to explain to you that it was ok for you to like (insert whatever).
Your DD is on the fringes of the drama going on. Standing just off stage, close enough to hear every line of the dramatic performance going on and see all the actions without having a major part in the play. She is also a child, they absorb everything like a sponge. She will see for herself the drama BM and SS bring into her family life and eventually she will get sick of watching the drama effect her mama.
You're probably right.
You're probably right. Hopefully most of the time my daughter will ask me about some of those things before she randomly blurts out her opinion on them, but I doubt it.