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They pretend he doesn't exist

MorningMia's picture

This has bubbled up for me again (a lot has since the skids' fall "visit" that almost did me in. . . I feel like I'm purging). There's nothing anyone can do about this except let go of it and not care. I just can't wrap my brain around how &*#$ing NASTY and pretentious some people can be. 

Luckily, the skids--who contact DH generally on a weekly basis and who constantly tell him they love him (and the one who sent Christmas gifts)--live a few hundred miles away. DH knew that a false public narrative had been spread about him and the divorce years ago in that town. He sensed it during visits when he and the skids ran into people they and/or the ex knew. We strongly felt it at SD's wedding, where we were treated like lepers. No congratulatory handshakes there. Social media is proof that "the big lie" has been told and must be maintained, and that all must bow to the ex and her commands (she must be worshipped publicly).  

My DH has not been active on social media "because of the (family) drama." In truth, it's because he doesn't want to see things as they are, he doesn't want to confront that reality, and he doesn't want his feelings hurt. The skids and I connected on social media at varying times, back when there were glimmers of hope that things were getting better.

I stopped "following" them a few years ago when all I was seeing in my feed was Mommy-adoration and praises, the constant  cheek-to-cheek with Mommy profile pictures (we're talking "kids" in their 20s and 30s), the false images put out there, and NEVER any mention that they even had a father. Mother's Day on Facebook looks like a cult event, while Father's Day does not exist. Like a dummy, it took me a long time to realize that if I ever tagged them in a photo (of their father or of them or with them during a visit), they had their settings so that only me and them would see the photo. I could provide hundreds of examples of this, but perhaps the most brutal was after DH's recent major health crisis; yes, I peeked at the skids' FB pages, and NOTHING was mentioned. NOT A WORD from these "prayerful" phonies. In fact, the Mommy and Me and Praise Mommy photos blew up (typical after one of their visits with us). It was worse than a slap in the face. Their father came close to dying. 

They pretend publicly that their father doesn't exist. It supports their "abandonment" narrative crafted so long ago. They cannot let go of that story without looking like the hypocrites and liars they are. Their mother dug the hole they jumped into and cannot crawl out of. They keep living this public lie, which feeds their mother's need for undivided attention and devotion and extreme cult-like loyalty. It is freaky, sad, and disgusting! 

How a parent is ok with this is mind-boggling.  Again, the skids are no longer in my feed. I have limited it so they cannot see what I post any longer. I need to re-purge all of this before the New Year. I'm not living 2024 with the irritation and anger that has boiled up inside of me since this fall. I'm going to have to unfriend and then block the dark-souled monsters and be done with them. I know what I know. I see reality. I don't like it. I need to quit irritating myself by having these creatures anywhere in my life--electronically or otherwise. 


ImperfectlyPerfect's picture

This I can totally relate to! ....I am coming close to this solution. I already had to block a toxic extension of adult stepkids family after they began monitoring my social meda and reporting back on it - fee fees were hurt that I hadn't posted about them EVER...when every encounter is an ATTACK and an extermely negative blame game can you really blame me for not wanting to praise them? There is also a huge complex of emeshment with mommy dearest and they love to post their devotion. I've unfollowed but haven't taken the step to block, I would really like to but I'll wait until they act really bad for that shoe to drop. These skids...they take the joy out of everything and squeeze out any kind of juice that's left leaving a void, dark and vacant hole of nothingness. 

Catmom024's picture

Same here...the alcoholic BM and her sloppy drunk husband are the only ones my SOs kids care about.  Their father was there for financial reasons only.   We just found out the incredibly horrific lies BM was telling people about my SO and why they divorced over 2 decades ago. 

Social media is nothing short of sickening and these skids use it as a weapon and tool to manipulate.  Christmas pics of the grandkids were posted with their grandfather, BMs husband.   My SO doesn't want to hear anything about them and Ive finally learned to respect that request.  I don't say anything about what they post.   I have them all blocked on my Facebook page.