You are here

They only came because they thought he was going to die

MorningMia's picture

I posted a vent (or two, or three) a few weeks back. I had skids here--one for a horrible extended period--during my husband's recent health crisis and hospitalization (he is much better now). The skids came stating that they wanted to be with their dad but they also wanted "to help." It was a burden.

Now that everything is over, I see they only came because they thought their father would die and they didn't want to feel guilty (?) if he died and they weren't around. The one came also because it was an opportunity: he needed a place to mooch for a month. At the hospital, none of them could put down their phones. It was rude. 

None of the skids have even mentioned their father on social media. At all. Two, AS ALWAYS, went home and immediately had to "make up" to their mother and post various photos of them with mommy. These are people in their 30s. They are not 10. 

One managed to wrangle a paid month off to take care of her father even though she was here for 3 days. Fraud. 

Sometimes things become clearer later on. These kids don't give a crap about their father. They are filled with the incredible resentment of their mother, as if they've been raised in a cult. 

I've known for years that we are dealing with disturbed hateful and entitled aholes. This is just another level of that, and I am truly forever DONE. FREE.AT.LAST. FOR GOOD. 

Thanks for listening.  


CajunMom's picture

You can keep them informed but do NOT let them back in your home for overnights. If you need help, hire out. It would be worth the expense. And speaking of "money," that's probably another reason they were around.....think "wills." 

Now that your DH is better, it's time to get everything done legally for the future. Wills, POAs, etc. Consider counseling if you think this it taking up too much space in your head. It helps....I know personally, having walked that journey. 

Best to you and your DH.

MorningMia's picture

Thank you. We have taken care of his will, although I need to take care of mine. I will roll over in my grave if I die and everything goes to him and then trickles down to the ingrates. We did take care of his POA as well. I have also stated clearly that if we are ever in a similar situation, it will be well worth it to hire out. The cost of the 30-something mooch staying here, not contributing anything while eating us out of house and home to an extent I've never experienced before, and then doing things like cranking the heat to 72 and then opening the windows in the guest room where he was staying could have gone to a true caregiver and given me a break.  

I do need to talk with a therapist, as this situation has left me feeling very exhausted and depressed. 

Catmom024's picture

That's a huge reason why I haven't married my SO.  In my state the spouse has to get at least 1/3 of the estate.   If I were to die first,  I don't want my SO getting that $$ which would end up going to his children. 

Exjuliemccoy's picture

While I'm sorry you had that added burden at the worst time, I'm glad you now have clarity. Use that hurt, anger, and disgust as fuel to do what's needed. Get your wills in order and your boundaries UP. Do it now, before time softens your DH's memories of the rudeness, lies and disinterest.

I'm lucky that my DH is under no illusions regarding his adult kids. Some years ago I told him while losing him would be terrible,  my biggest fear was having to deal with his bottom feeder kids after he's gone. It was clear he'd never considered what that would be like for me, and it was the impetus he needed. Our affairs are in order and I have POA so no member of The Coven can steam roll me. 


ImperfectlyPerfect's picture

Yeah, inform but absolutely don't let them stay- boundaries. Also sounds like they may be sniffing around for inheritance (yes I believe that's correct Rumplestiltskin) and get your wills and last testaments in order as Cajunmom mentioned. I sleep MUCH better these days knowing that it is all clear what I want and where its going. 

Rags's picture

My heart breaks for your DH.  Having such a shit and putrid genepool has to be devastating for a breeder.  Even when much of the pollution is provided by a poor choice in failed family breeding partner.

MorningMia's picture

Mine does, too. Except I am clear that he took part in creating this, as he was definitely the Disney Dad who feared setting boundaries or not tolerating their or their mother's bad behavior. Sadly, I saw their disrespect of him (which also had been heavily fed by their mother) when they were adolescents. He knows he is a second thought to them. He sees the close relationships that our friends and relatives have with their kids. Unfortunately, it's much too late to salvage these relationships. That should have been worked on 15, 20, 30 years ago.