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Well, I did it!

Wishingitgetsbetter's picture

As some of you know, my SKids don't live with myself and my SO anymore. They live with their BM, so I decided to purge my entire house including the rooms they stay in when they are here to "VISIT". Well, i purged and omg, the SD 18 and the SS 14, went off on me. My SO knew I was purging, I told both SKids I was purging. And both of them whined, and threw tempertantrum over facebook and on the phone. Saying " she ( me), had no right to go into "their rooms" and purge", my SO even went threw the stuff I was selling and donating before I did. And now both SKids are claiming I traumatized them, and that their anxiety levels are so high because of me. SD 18 claims to need therapy because I "invaded" her safe zone at "her house". And the SD 14 says " you will see how mad I am when I come there again." ( threat????).  Both SKids and their BM say i need to replace everything I sold or donated and my SO is thinking now I may have gone to far and maybe I shouldn't have purged.. WTH, they don't live with us and moving to BM was their choice. Did I over step, in my own house? 

The_Upgrade's picture

As long as fair warning was given (and reading your other post it was), who's fault is it that they didn't pick up their stuff? They gave up their right to it when they left it there. They gave up their right to the room when they stopped using it. It's ridiculous to expect you to keep two untouchable shrines in YOUR house. Just out of curiosity, how many rooms does your house have? I'm assuming you don't have a spacious mansion where you can afford to overlook two barred rooms...

Oh, and they expect you to replace the stuff? They seriously expect you to go out and buy that 18 year old a new My Little Pony playset?!

tog redux's picture

When my SS was alienated, I went through his room. I donated all his clothes except those with sentimental value. DH wanted me to save some of his stuff, so that was boxed and saved.

When he finally came to our house again, he was told that his room had been mostly cleaned out, and he was fine with it. He found a few things he wanted in there and took them.

Would have been better just to clean it out quietly and not tell them.

Harry's picture

They were not coming over to start with.  So now it's double secret not coming over ?

Cover1W's picture

Nope you are correct.

After about a year and OSD hadn't set foot in our home, it was clear she was not coming back. DH and I, mostly DH though, cleaned it out. HE made the decisions on what to box up and what to get rid of. I have to say he put a lot of trash in those boxes because OSD 'needed to sort it herself.' 

OSD was NOT happy this was done, even though she hadn't been here for a year. She threatened, cajoled, called him names, told him she'd have her friend (14/15 yo) come get her stuff for her (um, how?), tried to tell DH he had to bring it all to her. All DH responded with was "No. If you want your stuff you can arrange it with you mom and me to come get it from our house."  She never did.

I ended up going through the clothes last year as there were things YSD could use. The rest of the clothes went to donation. Still there's at least one box and one trash bag of stuff.  DH will have to go through it eventually as I want it gone soon.

Stay strong, stay firm and re-iterate why you did it.

BTW:  OSD was even mad we re-decorated....ok then...ignore.

advice.only2's picture

You gave them fair warning, they could have contacted you or DH asking to stop buy and pick up their stuff. If it was super important to them they would have taken it with them when they left.

Rags's picture

After some thought... I think the title of your OP should more accurately read.... "Well, we did it."

DH/Dad was aware and involved. You did not act in a vacuum.