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19yr old stepson ignoring me completely

Yaggy's picture

I have been living with my partner since November 2022. He has an 18yr old daughter  and 19yr old son. My partner and I were coworkers and yes over time developped a friendship/relationship.  My partner has been single for five years before we decided to date about a year and a half ago.  But because of our previous working relationship his ex is convinced I am the reason why they broke up. Fast forward to the son - she told him I am the reason why they broke up and fills him full of whatever BS she wants. Soooo- he ignores me completely. He lives with us half the week and with his mom the other half. His father has told him that he and his mother were unhappy for years and fought continuously - son agrees and knows this but somehow thinks if ge hadn't of met me they would have worked it out. I say Goodmorning , have a great day, hello in passing - cook meals - do his laundry etc. He just will not talk or even try to get to know me. I'm at a loss. Oh the daughter ! Not an issue with her ! Sometimes a bit standoffish on things but I think in fear on how mom might react. But she's told her dad she likes me . Any advice??? 

Winterglow's picture

Why does your partner allow his son to treat you like that? He doesn't have to be buddy-buddy, but he does have to be polite at the very least, cordial if possible.

CLove's picture

the minimum treatment for anyone living in the household I help pay for is a hellow and goodbye.

The son doesnt need to get to know you or like you, but shunning is not to be tolerated. Your partner needs to sit that kid down and explaine the facts of life. And tell him that either he respects you or he will get to hear about it.

ItsGrowingOld's picture

Stop doing anything for this manchild.  Let your husband cook, clean, and do his laundry. 

ndc's picture

An adult child is still going back and forth between homes on a regular custody schedule?  What's the launch plan? I wouldn't live in a home where I was being shunned unless it was very short term. 

Rags's picture

Unless rude solves these issues itself.

Rude after 18, also does not get a key, or money, or food, or clothing, or shelter.  

if this kid insists on drinking BM's lie filled Kool-Aid, he can suffer the hangover.

Be done with him.


Lillywy00's picture

NEVER let able bodied skids live with you after they graduate high school/turn 18!!!!

Otherwise you have to endure step-hell indefinitely 

And don't you just live bio parents who hate you, manipulate, sit on their duffs collecting tax free money to take care of their spawns, then pump skids with lies about you after you fed and provided for their kids. 

If you're so horrid then why is she still sending her kids to you for 3 hots and a cot?!?

These trifling BMs and weak boundary Disneyland dads = opportunists!!!

BobbyDazzler's picture

and sit this rude 19-year-old man down and tell him to knock it the heck off.  Stop doing things for him around the house if he is treating you like dirt on the bottom of his shoes. Have you talked to the 19 yo about this at all?  Just wondering. No one has the right to mistreat YOU in YOUR home.  

PetSpoiler's picture

At 19 he should have some basic manners.  Both of my parents would've jerked a knot in my tail if I'd been rude to my stepmother or any other adult.  Especially an adult whose home I was welcomed into. By ignoring you he is being rude. Your husband is failing here.  Clearly he and the ex failed to teach this young skidult some basic manners and common decency.  

He can use some manners or feel free to not come visit. You have a right to feel comfortable in your own home.