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Is it unreasonable?

Mumofsix22's picture

Given the situation. 6 children across 3 family main homes one year old ours baby and oldest teenagers... we have set time as per order with skids alternative weekends and a night in week. We both work full time also and only 3 bed home so all overcrowded but we make it work (he gave her the family home). 

occasionally he asks for additional contact with one of the 3 kids eg. The teenager to take her shopping or the 4 year old to take him to the zoo. Activities that each of the other children won't particularly like and also on our own time so we can try more time together. Bio mum won't allow unless he takes all 3 children. We have no issue leaving our baby behind with a grandparent etc if something isn't suited to him and try to make sure all the kiddos have more attention this way. Always give notice of at least 2 weeks and always ask politely. Still getting a no. Is it unreasonable in the circumstance? 

teen was invited last week and wanted to come the cinema to see a 12 and bio mum said no. She then left her at home with her latest boyfriend and took herself out so it's not as they're otherwise engaged... we never react and always just say ok let me know if you change your mind but I'm honestly stumped? 

I know everyone's different but if my ex husband requested additional time to include my littleun into something her step sibling same age is going I would be thrilled to oblige for her.

Rumplestiltskin's picture

So you want to have SD for some days in addition to the CO, and BM won't oblige? Most on this site deal with BMs who are trying to pawn off the kids so i'm not sure what kind of replies you will get. I say stick to the CO and you will be rewarded with less drama. 

Rags's picture

As good intentioned as you and DH are trying to be, do not rock the boat.

As infuriating as it may be to you and DH that BM is refusing to cater to your custom extra time requests, it is her time to manage and decide on.  

Lower your expectations and you will be far less disappointed. Don't ask for anything and do not grant anyt request that BM makes.

Stability is far less traumatic for everyone. Stick to the CO.

Period. Dot.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

BioHo blew hot and cold on this. If 'Ho wanted something, she'd do her darndest to withhold the skids, drop them off late, pick them up early, or schedule something on DH's weekend to interrupt his time with them.

My DH was always happy to get a single minute outside of the CO because he didn't sign up to be a part-time dad and missed his kids terribly. It was torture for someone like him to follow the CO and not take advantage of any extra time 'Ho deigned to give him.

Lillywy00's picture

Yes bio mom is probably jealous (doesn't want another woman bonding/taking her place/etc) and being petty by saying no to your requests

Who in their right minds wouldn't want extra kid free time? I bet money if the next door neighbors asked she'd gleefully agree. 

Just like mentioned above just stick with what on the court order and don't go out of your way for their ingrate mother. 

If you want to spend extra time with the step kids you may have to just wait till they're 18+ when their biomom won't be able to let her ego get in the way of you (or other loving adults) providing extra time, attention, and love for the kids.