Step son and new baby - NEED TO VENT
I just really need to vent. I feel like this is the only platform that will understand me, I have posted elsewhere in the past with a not so nice response.
I am currently full term pregnant. Due my first born any day.
Since last week my partners teenage son has been staying with us as it is the summer holidays here.
I feel like I can't breathe, I'm grieving that time to just sit and enjoy the last moments of my pregnancy... I just want to sit and relax in my nighties and comfortable clothing, but feel like I can't even enjoy being in my own home. The house is small. His son rarely stays with us and lives 2 hrs away - but now he's here for weeks and it's also when I'm expecting my first child and I just feel totally sad about it. I've found myself having to entertain, extra housework, someone constantly there whereas usually I have that alone time in the day whilst my partner works - which I really enjoy especially being pregnant as I can sit with my feelings and not have to worry about there being someone else there. I feel so so selfish saying this... But I feel like a stranger in my own home. I was looking forward to it just being the three of us once baby is here even if it was just for the first couple of days whilst I get settled with my first child and then his son could come and stay. I could obviously never express this to my partner as it would make me look awful. But I feel totally crap about it. I don't even know where to begin, I'm just blurting it all out. I have done so much for his son in the past but right now I don't have the energy for anything and naturally I am going to start prioritising my own child, particularly being a new mum... I can feel myself disengaging, and the honest truth is I really wish he wasn't here right now. I can't get comfortable, at night I'm fully dressed... Bloated... Fed up... And just have this teenager going on and on moaning about something and how bored he is. This time is meant to be special for me and I feel like it's been taken away. It's such bad timing i wasnt expecting to have him here as baby arrives. Then I'm thinking about those first days with baby, breastfeeding... Again being uncomfortable, bleeding, and you never know how the birth will go so I have the physical and emotional aspects of that to consider. We are in a two bedroom and before I knew I was pregnant we turned one of those rooms into his even though he's rarely here, so all baby stuff is cramped into our room and it's just so overwhelming and I feel like I'm drowning to be honest. I look back at what I've wrote here and I want to tell myself to get a grip... But at the same time I don't think I'm wrong to have feelings over this and I'd like to hope there's members of this site who will totally understand me. Even my midwife said it's important to have time just the three of us once baby is here without any other children around, even if it was just that first night. But there's no chance now, baby could be here any day. He's stuck with us until the end of summer. Honestly the day before he arrived I was so emotional I cried and cried and cried. I feel like ive got no personal space. I can't lay on my own sofa and put my feet up... He's always saying stuff about birth and labour and what ifs... Negative stuff... until now ive done so much positive work and visualisation on birth etc and now it's like i'm made to feel anxious. I know he's just a kid but i can't help but feel extremely irritatated by him. Please someone tell me I'm not going crazy. I can't wait for summer to be over so I get my time back and more importantly time with just me and my baby as well as my partner. I tried to talk to my friend about it and she basically said think about it as an extra pair of hands to help me out when his dad goes back to work and I'm with baby in the day, but I really don't want an extra pair of hands from a kid to be honest and would be happier on my own.