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My nightmare

Tinx28's picture

So I have four children ,my youngest is to my partner and he also has a son too ,I have been with my partner for 2 and a half years now but this step parent thing is really starting to grind on me ! My partner is sooo laid back and oblivious with his son it drives me crazy ,since my way of parenting and his is very different , he just ignores what his child does or he's to busy to notice. Now we have his son 3days one week and 4 the next ,I did try to reason with his behaviour at first ,maybe it's accepting having to share daddy ,maybe it's the baby ,maybe he's jelous ,maybe it's ME who knows but it just gets worse he looks at me like I'm something he's trodden in and talks to me pretty much the same tbh whenever I speak he purposely talks over me just because he feels like it and he only speaks to me when he wants something ,yet I always make sure when I do fun things with mine he's included ,if I buy food I get what he likes too ,if I buy clothes for mine I buy him too . my children dread him coming because he always causes trouble telling lies , blaming them for things or crying like he's being ripped limb from limb when he doesn't get his own way and now they've hit a point they won't even entertain him anymore,and that can't be nice on either end . I feel like I've made a terrible decision with my partner yet I love him but I really can't stand his child I parent him because of the motherly instinct within me but that is it 

I've tried to confront my partner about this and he just doesn't get it at all ,he makes it out like I'm being evil and I'm really not I've tried and tried with this child and nothing works and I've now reached a point where I'm disliking him for it too because he treats his child like god's gift and when he comes no one else matters ,we end up becoming two familys living in the same home me and my children and him ads his son 


Survivingstephell's picture

Its hard to advise not knowing what ages we are dealing with.  AS an adult in the house, are you allowed to parent SS or has his father taken that power away from you?  Any quick advice I would give, no matter the age, is to stop doing anything for and with SS.  He needs to be his father's problem when he is over.  You focus on the others.  Thing will get nasty for awhile and hopefully it will wake Daddy up to his mistakes in parenting and realize that adults need to be in charge, not a kid.  

I tried to blend 7 in the beginning.(5-14)  it worked pretty well until BM found out.  Then one by one the skids got blinded by her koolaid.  I also ended up with 2 SSs causing all kinds of  issues with my bios.  Its not fun for anyone.  When I was able to get Dh on the same page about adults being in charge of our house and not skids or BM, things got more stable.  

Tinx28's picture

Thanks for responding I do parent him yes because if I didn't he would be worse my partner does get involved but only when I start to tell him off , my SS is 3 nearly 4 but is told by his BM not to listen to me ,he goes home and tells lies like I've hit him and I always put him on the naughty step (he is there alot ) last week I got a message from his delightful mother because the SS decided to take a poo in her garden and when asked why he done it he replied saying that my children do it which they do not! I feel like I'm in a never ending circle he doesn't eat properly it has to be what he wants when he wants it ,he crys for daddy's attention constantly even to the point of sitting on the sofa and saying oops I've wet myself when we were right beside him , because my children have become less tollorent of him my partner has now started to tell them off the way I do but for silly things and even they are asking why ss doesn't get told off but they do ,I've tried to step back to see what happens but tbh nothing happens .

Amcc13's picture

The first and most important being that this child has told lies and said you are neglectful and abusive. This has the potential for leading to you being investigated and having your children taken away so I would refuse to be alone with that child from now on and would have nothing to do with him 

second of all it would seem your partner who can’t discipline his own son has no problem handing out vindictive vengeful discipline to your children. So from now on he is not allowed to discipline your children unless they are about to kill themselves and vicevearsa. You need to disengage from his child and protect your own - yours already notice the differences and are asking about them so they are aware and it is effecting them 

could you take your children and yourself out to the park when ss is there and leave dad to parent him? Maybe when you are not there to be a shield for him he could learn to parent properly 

you need to be very careful with this situation - all it takes is one person to believe him and you are in a world of trouble 


also why is bm txt you? Block her as of this moment !!



Tinx28's picture

Thanks I do refuse to watch him alone I just don't see why I should the last time I did he had a melt down and screamed for his dad til he went blue and was kicking and head butting the wall so that's no problem and my partner and BM have been in and out of court as she is a mess which ment social services got involved I told them to come to my home as I wanted them to see the inviroment this child has here and they were happy with this ,I do not respond with the BM at all it's a waste of time and my partner has laid back slightly on my children only because I repeated what they said to me about them getting wrong and SS not . I do take my kids to family members and things without them thinking he might parent him but I come home to a mess as he's aloud to then have free rein over everything while his dad chills out because in his mind one child is easier than being left with 5 but if it's something like a day out my partner asks if we can wait or do it when SS comes so he doesn't miss out but I hate it you never know if he's going to be good or really blow up so I dread going out which isn't fair on me or my kids 

Maxwell09's picture

If you and your partner have different parenting strategies then I strongly advise you disengage. If you don’t, you will become the antagonist in all failures that come with the child in the future. You said you have other children so he knows how you parent and if it works or not, he is choosing to ignore your advice so step back and let him do it his way without anything backfiring on you. 

Tinx28's picture

Thanks for the response do you really think this will help as I don't want him to think oh she didn't see I will do it again or purposely get even worse to get a rise from me or my children as he can be quite naughty from breaking toys and blaming someone else to purposely kicking the dog so I watch him like a hawk ,alot of the things he does goes un noticed by his dad for example we were in the car and he was strapping him into his seat when he started making a awful noise (like being sick) in his dad's face repeatedly, he did nothing and later on I asked why he didn't do anything he said what are you talking about he just completely dismissed it ,now the child has had it rough with his mother floating in and out of his life when she pleases but my partner tries to use this as an excuse for all of his behaviour or saying don't tell him off he's only 3 , it's Asif his child can do no wrong but mine are always pulled apart and the mother in me is starting to resent him for that big time my children are no angels but they no how to behave and have respect ,my eldest son 11 has asd and tbh my SS is harder to handle than he is which I really didn't think was possible 

Areyou's picture

When things are calm, tell him In  a calm manner that your life with him is a nightmare. Then let him sit on it for a while. I’m sure he won’t enjoy knowing that he and his kids have made his partner’s life a nightmare. He will change slowly but surely. “Sweety, my life with you has become a living nightmare”