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be all and end all the great sd

whyohwhyohwhy's picture

Yet another fight over sd. Even on my days off, I don't get any peace. the new boyfriend that lives down the street from us dumped her. She wanted to go home and has no interest to be here now, wonder why? Poor daddy though she came to see him, lol as if, 

I had to remind her on fathers day to at least say happy fathers day or draw a card. She drew a card with a big heart with " thanks for all you give me, I appreciate it"!  It Didn't matter that she has money in her room and could have walked five minutes to the store. 

He just got his 5000 dollars visa so he drags me around shopping with him. We get into the grocery store he starts filling the cart with everything the sd wanted, I picked up a powered can of juice and he said, I'm not buying that because I don't know if sd will like it! I replied, "I like it " His response " I'm not buying that for 16 dollars if I don't know if sd will like it " I just followed him around the grocery store watching him fill the cart with everything sd wanted. I told him a few days ago I need a phone card so what does he do? He goes out and buys him and sd one and as per usual he didn't get me one! We went out later that night to supper at my sister's and he runs back into the house and grabs my debit card from my desk passes it to me and says Oh, you forgot your debit card! I was pissed because I'm usually the one buying him and sd one and he couldn't offer to pay for mine? of course, He knew I was pissy and he said oh, ill get dessert, ya, that big of him to offer to pay ten dollars, isn't it? I said, never mind and I bought it! 

Sitting around here on my day off of course he wouldn't offer to take me out and spend anything on me. he'd be ok to go anywhere as long as I'm paying that is. I've been with the man for seven years and he has never once bought me flowers, taken me out even for a fast food meal, paid for a weekend getaway, or even bought me ice cream. It's always me who pays if I want to go anywhere.

He'd never offer to pay but would give the shirt off his back and watch me do without to make sure the sd gets everything she wants and needs, If I want to go do something I have to pay for him, the kid, and myself. Who wants to be with a man that won't do anything special or make you feel special. everything is about the kid it makes me sick to my stomach. It pisses me off even more than my credit card is maxed out and I haven't even spent 20 dollars on myself it was to fix his car, etc. ( that he doesn't have anymore)

Were in a big fight again today, he send me 200 to cover his tobacco from his credit card. That was nice just to cover his smokes the idiot wouldn't go out of his way to cover mine. I guess, he doesn't take into consideration I've been paying for his for years.

I told him I wanted to go out but he would drive me ( i don't drive ) He take me to value village and I know, he wouldn't offer to pay for the few cheap items I would have gotten. I just told him never mind, I'm already into overdraft for my next pay. I told him he doesn't give or do anything for me to make me feel special or to try and make me happy, and he wouldn't spend a damn dime of his money on me because that would be a waste of money. Told him maybe you should take your mini-wife and leave because you sure in hell know how to treat that lady but have no clue how to treat me, I told him who wants to be intimate with a man that wouldn't even buy you a 6 dollar ice cream?!? I took his 200 dollars for his tobacco and went out and played the video machine and went out to lunch myself. Of course, I walked. It's funny isn't it how I pay for the car, the insurance, the gas, and the upkeep, and I'm the walking while him and his mini-wife get driven around.? I don't even have the extra money to get my license. I'm just paying for a car for him and the sd @ss to be driven everywhere. 

Of course, he told me he doesn't have to buy me everything he buys sd. I laughed at him YOU DONT BUY ME ANYTHING OR DO ANYTHING FOR ME, YOU ARE THE ONE WHO IS SICK IN THE HEAD NOT ME" of course, twist it all around that I'm immature and jealous of a child and I need professional help. I asked him again to leave and take his mini-wife with him he will not go!. I figure from now on screw the car payment, the mortgage, the groceries, and everything. if he wants to keep a roof over his and his mini-wife's head he can pay for it, he can pay for all her junk food and special meals he caters into her room, he can pay for his own car to drive her @ss all over the place, and ill ruin my credit to get out of this shit hole...Starting today I am spending money on things I need, a haircut, new clothes, shoes, dinners out, and if he can't pay for everything himself then they can reprocess everything. I'm gonna go out and live my life for me and be as selfish as he is. I mean, after all, they don't appreciate what I do without making sure they have. The idiot even told me ' WHAT HAVE YOU EVER DONE FOR ME OR MY CHILD" I looked at him really, I don't even have a license and I'm paying for a car that drives me to my sisters for supper once a week The car just drives sd and you around, not me. I don't have any children so why do I owe a 3-bedroom house with a big backyard? Oh, yes I'm selfish and I only think of myself. The guy has no clue and doesn't appreciate anything it's just expected. 

Oh well, looks like him and sd are gonna start living my life. You don't pay for the car the bank can take it, you don't pay for the house the bank can take that to, and all my money is going to be spent on me. he can run his credit card up to keep it all he already run mine up. I'm done if I need to ruin my credit to get rid of them it looks like that is what I have to do. I might claim bankruptcy and let the bank take it all thanks for letting me vent here i feel so stuck i just want my house and them out Sad












notarelative's picture

You are miserable. It is not a good situation. But, be careful that you do not make choices that make your life harder. 
Make an appointment with a lawyer. Find out what you need to do legally to extradite yourself from this situation. You need to get out of this mess, but don't ruin your future in the process. See a lawyer. Follow the advice you get.

AgedOut's picture

please tell me you have a plan to be out if need be. don't waste all your $$, open a new acct. and save it until you can have your own place. 

whyohwhyohwhy's picture

It's hard to make an exit plan when I own the house and the car, I wish it was all his for I could just pack a bag and leave him and his mini-wife to live happily ever after. thank you for your kind responses I really have no one to chat with about this and I feel stuck. Sad the man really has no clue why I'm so upset he thinks I'm the crazy one! To top it all off when i came home he was drinking .. he always knows how to make a stressful day even more stressful for me Sad always enjoy my time off from work watching a man child drinking cause he's upset. Of course, in hiss mind im the difficult one to put up with... how does a man get his head that far up his @ss ?? I have no idea Sad

Mominit's picture

(yes I shouted at you).  Most lawyers will do the first visit for free.  If the car is in your name, let him know IN WRITING that as of one week from now it will no longer be insured.  And if he takes it anywhere you will report it as stolen.  Then take the money you're no longer paying for gas and insurance and put it away in a separate account just for you (and possible lawyer's bill!)

Talk to a lawyer about how to start a legal eviction.  If you simply can't afford your beautiful house without a room mate, then you will get a roommate.  Immediately after you kick these two free loaders out of your life!  A roommate who will pay his/her portion of the bills without you expecting anything more from him/her, and vice versa!.  If you can't afford the house even with a roommate, then sell the house.  But don't let this user kill your credit rating which could impact your ability to buy or rent in the future.  It sounds like there's nothing left of the relationship.  Money is hard.  Money kills more relationships than many things.  If you stop buying things for him (and daughter) you'll resent it less.  And continuing to buy things certainly hasn't improved your relationship!  So it makes no sense to continue!

Get a lawyer.  See what you can legally do to separate and get back on your financially independent feet again!  You should never be spending so much money on someone else's wants (tobacco) that you're neglecting your own needs (a working phone).  Honestly you have no one to blame but yourself for your resentment at this point.  I know it's a habit, but it's a bad one!  Stop trying to buy love and respect.  Pay your bills, get your hair cut, buy your own phone card and to heck with him and his daughter's!  And then assess if there is anything left in this relationship.  It doesn't sound like it.  So do the big girl thing and see a lawyer and find out how to get yourself out of this mess!  (tough love for you I'm afraid, but I really do hope you'll take it in the spirit it's intended, and do the tough stuff for the next month so that the rest of your year and life get easier!)

Birchclimber's picture

No, No, own the house and car and he's abusing you this way?  Are you legally married?  If you are, go see a lawyer and start making arrangements to get out.  It's only going to get worse. 

If you're not married, running your credit into the ground as a type of revenge is only going to hurt YOU in the long run. 

Without letting him know, start accumulating boxes.  Hide them under the bed until you've got enough of them.  Then, recruit a friend to come over and help you the next time that he is out of the house.  Pack up his and SD's belongings.  Put them outside the door.  When he comes home, take your car keys back and tell him he's out.  Have the local authorities notified in advance in case you need back up. 

Living in the conditions that you just described is unacceptable and unhealthy.  You need to take care of you, get control of your life and your situation and "kick him to the curb".

Good Luck.


Winterglow's picture

I agree. You also want to be sure that you are no longer liable for the credit cards he runs up and expects you to pay for. You don't want to pay for his debt. 

ndc's picture

Are you married to this jerk?  That makes a difference in how difficult it is to get rid of him and whether you might share his liabilities.

In any event, make an appointment with a lawyer.  Find out about selling the car.  Ask how you can legally evict the freeloaders.  Make sure he has no access to your money.  Do not put gas in the car.  If it's your car, take the keys. Do not buy him or his kid a thing.  

Winterglow's picture

Don't ruin your credit, sell the car, sell the house and put all the proceeds into an account he knows nothing about. It's YOUR money. Are you married to this lout? 

But first, see a lawyer. Also, don't be afraid to call the cops if he gets threatening. 

Rags's picture

"Who wants to be with a man that won't do anything special or make you feel special. everything is about the kid it makes me sick to my stomach?"

Which begs the question, why do you choose to continue to finance this idiot and his failed family progeny?

Kaylee's picture

OP, you need serious help.

Do you have a trusted friend or work colleague who you can talk to? 

If not, reach out to a women's shelter. You are being financially and emotionally abused.

Please get some help.