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Newly married with entitled step daughters

Jgarrant900's picture

Newly married with two step daughters age 17 and 19.  I have a functional special needs biological daughter age 14. I have full custody of my daughter. We all got along until my husband and I got married and bought a new house. I sold my condo to buy this new house. When it came time to move in the older daughter came unhinged when she could not bring her pot smoking boyfriend to live with us. She stole my daughter's emotional support dog and said she was going to kill herself if we took it back.  Then the 17 yr old SD decided she's going to take this dog too. My husband bought them a $2000 puppy and they still weren't happy. They said the new house is theirs and they want to decorate it their way and organize it how they like. My 14 year old was subjected to them being jealous of her and picking on her regarding some of her disabilities and due to the stress has pulled her hair out to the point we had to shave all of it. The step daughter's even manipulated my husband into some of the bullying. I confronted them all and put a stop to it. Now I'm the evil step mom. Don't care. It's wrong. Anyways we have been in this new house for 7 months and they refuse to come over. Fine by me but my husband is miserable without his children. They refused to talk to him say he's abusive to them for not doing what they want. He took their car away and they were still mean to him. I suggested he try to take them out of holiday and they were mean to him the whole time ignoring him and making demands for money.  When they act like this to him my husband in turn is mean to my daughter and I. His ex wife calls him asking for money for the 17 year old almost 18. He gave both girls credit cards and they use them. Recently he turned them off for over use but assured the daughters if not to punish them so not to get mad at him....he really tries hard to please and take care of everyone but they are never happy unless they hold the reins. He won't go on any vacations with us because his 17 year old will kill herself if she is not invited. So.....after months of trying to mend our new marriage, calm my daughter down from the trauma and almost getting back to norm he drops a Grenade on me and asks can his daughter move in with her boyfriend!?!? And when she does she wants to retrain my dog because she doesn't want her new dog to get his bad habits and oh they feed their dog special food so now my dog will probably change his food too... oh and one other thing her boyfriend has a prescription for medical marijuana. So my husband looks at me with absolute joy that his girls want him again....my daughter's hair is just starting to grow back literally 1/2 inch. All of this and my red flag is my husband's behavior starts to change to negative toward me, my daughter and my dog. Them against us right? 

Comments

DHsfamilyfromhell's picture

His children are basically grown ups and your child is struggling. If that were me I would request that my partner see his kids outside of the home for now until they mature a bit. 

Jgarrant900's picture

That's what I initially wanted once I saw they were jealous. I wanted him to see them on his time without us but he is determined to make us all live together. He says he can control his daughters better under his roof. Regardless it's gone too far and the older daughter bringing her boyfriend into a new marriage with a merged family is completely inappropriate. Him asking me a second time confirms to me that he still can't set boundaries on his kids.  He wants us all together but at this point I don't want my child near them at all. We both have not slept and have been under stress since he asked again.  He is not protecting us he is trying to please himself and his girls. He is not following a moral obligation to protect his wife and a minor from being bullied by his adult kids. His ex wife is not correcting their behavior either. It's repulsive. I hate people like this. I've seen enough. I'm working on an exit plan.  I don't want to be around toxic people like that.

Winterglow's picture

Good for you.

He's an idiot. Why on earth would he want to control an adult and a 17yo? For what purpose? And how does he explain the bf? Does he think he's going to control him too? SMH. 

Stepdrama2020's picture

Smart move girl. Take your DD and run the hell away.

Your husband is being abusive to you and your DD. He is choosing to be mean to you both and he wants to pound you down to put you in your palce. Your place is according to him is to take the shit his DD's give you. Too flipping bad your DD was so traumatized she pulled her hair out. Your DH does not care.

Protect your daughter and yourself, just leave. Someone has to put you first and it aint your shitty DH. Your shitty DH raised abusive women, stear clear of that!

CLove's picture

Your Bio daughter with special needs really needs you to step up and protect her from abusive step daughters and your abusive husband. He sounds like an a$$hole honestly.

I cant imagine living with this. Is this what you want for your life? What was your answer when he told you all this?

Jgarrant900's picture

My answer was that they are trying to gain control and get him to finance them while they play house in my house. He thinks I'm over reacting and not giving them a chance. He said they were never like this and were always sweet girls. I said of course because they were getting their way.  I said they had a chance already to live with us nicely but ruined it. The house is in both our names and can be sold.  He contributed equally to its purchase.  I've spoken to my daughter and we went looking at apartments already. Unfortunately this takes some time to set up and I want to make the right move. I already told them if they so much as think about bullying her again I'm filing a restraining order.  They are not in the house yet and I have not agreed to anything.  I'm just blown away that he would actually ask after everything they did. 

Gimlet's picture

Well, I am going to go with the nuclear option because I have no idea why you would subject your child to this.

She is being bullied by her stepsisters and her stepfather to the point she pulled her hair out in chunks.  Your husband bullies your special needs child and you are thinking about staying??  For what, so you can have a "man", and I use that in quotes because any man who bullies a special needs child but licks his kids' boots is not a man.

They TOOK HER DOG.  Stole it.  Her emotional support animal.

He won't treat you like a wife because it might upset his daughters and now he is asking if one of them, and her boyfriend, can move in with you?

For god's sake, protect your daughter.  Pack your stuff, pack her stuff, pack the dog and file for divorce.

WTF is wrong with people.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Ditto.

tog redux's picture

I'm with this, too. OP, it's hard to admit you made a mistake, but you made a whopper. Stop putting your daughter through misery so you can stay with a man who treats you like dirt. Unless you want your daughter to hate you. 

IDontCare3117's picture

Why in the hell would you want to stay with a man like this?  He's mean to you, your special needs daughter, and your dog.  Those 3 things should have you packing your bags and getting the Duck out of Fodge.  

Jgarrant900's picture

I don't want to stay. In fact, I want him to go live with his girls and the boyfriend and deal with it himself. I raised my daughter alone for 14 years and did just fine. It won't phase me one bit to be alone. Its important not to abandon my house though so I need to have a plan and that's where I am right now....exploring when and how to go about it.

Gimlet's picture

Make an appointment with a lawyer tomorrow.  Find the meanest shark in town.

In the meantime I would go full psycho Mama Bear on anyone who even thinks about bullying your daughter. 

shamds's picture

Sd's are abusive intolerable, disrespectful arseholes who need to stay the bloody hell out of your home till they can show respect.

you helped buy that home and they have abused you, your daughter and stolen from you!! They do not set foot in your home!!

my husband at times is a guilty dad but even he draws the line who stays in our home. No way would one of his adult kid and their boyfriend or spouse live in our marital home. 
 

they are freeloading off of you. On what planet does a man think its ok to let a pot headed druggie into your home?? I don't care if he claims its medical, he should be leading by example but his sd's have him by the balls!!

his feral daughters abused your daughter and stole her dog to the point she pulled out her hair!!! They thoroughly enjoyed it and now want to continue it even more?? 
 

set your boundaries hun!! You are a newly married couple and if he doesn't intend to put your marriage first, he's married you on false pretenses. Suit his arse and get a divorce. No way would i settle for this shitshow!!! 
 

his daughters do not dictate the rules in your home. They are vying for alpha female status with you expected to surrender. There can only ever be 1 alpha female and that is the wife!! If your husband won't make this clear to his daughters, then bye bye no setting foot in your home.

this whole sd wants to commit suicide if she doesn't get to keep your daughter's dog she stole, its manipulative bullshit to get her way.

daddy: "you can't move in with your bf as you have been abusive and disrespectful"

sd: "oh i'm gonna commit suicide!!"

daddy: "you do not dictate things in our home and you will show respect!!"

sd: "oh i'm gonna commit suicide"

CLove's picture

Her "husband" turns on her and bullies her special needs daughter...

see quotes:

"The step daughter's even manipulated my husband into some of the bullying."

"When they act like this to him my husband in turn is mean to my daughter and I."

OP can boundary up all she wants to, the basic foundation of a solid partner is not there to build on.

Merry's picture

Why are you still with a man that not only allows his own children to bully your daughter, but engages in it himself?

Find your Mama Bear and protect that child. She needs you.

shellpell's picture

So sad for your daughter! I echo what everyone else has said. Call it a loss and get her out of there. Your #1 job is to protect her. No "man" and I use that term very loosely as what type of man would bully a special needs minor is worth it! 

Delilah's picture

are you serious?!! your awful husband enables his equally hideous offspring to target and demolarise your minor, disabled DD and engages in similarly threatening behaviour while mockingly terriorise her further through her safe harmour = her dog!

usually the early years are the times when everyone (read your partner)tends to be on their best behaviour. the fact you are excusing d*ckhead husband because he loves his spawn is just as wrong as what he is doing! he enables his kids due to desperation and "love" and you are doing the same!

yougotthis's picture

He bullied a child. Your child! A child with special needs! He sounds like an awful person and I'm glad you're trying to make an exit plan. I'd do that sooner than later tho. Call your Realtor. Call your lawyer. Bye bye asshole and shit head daughters. 

Thumper's picture

Follow your instincts.

I would consult with a lawyer asap to learn your rights.

You're obligation is to protect your bio child.

Not sure where your sons bio dad is but if he gets wind of this, he can easily file modification for full custody AND may succeed. OR is your x gone and giving you child support?

You could contact him and ask him to take your boy temporarily until you figure this out. Your child deserves peace and YOU control that by letting him live with dad....just an option before he gets wind of this.

 

 

 

CajunMom's picture

Get to an attorney ASAP. Find the best one in town. In fact, visit with several so you "lock" your DH out of using them. Have paperwork filed to get him OUT of the marital home asap. I'd think bullying a disabled child would do the job. Jeez. I'd be physically hitting people that abused my child, regardless of mental capacity. This is BS.

Get that house on the market asap, while it's still hot. Split accordingly and move on with your life. This guy is NOT your person.

ndc's picture

Lawyer up, get the house on the market ASAP (I'm not sure about your area but in mine it's a hot seller's market) and protect your child in the meantime.  I see not a single redeeming feature in your husband, and certainly no reason to stay with him and his horrid brats.  Even if the stepbrats go back to their mother's house and he sees them outside of the home I would not stay married to this man.  Who participates with his children in the bullying of a special needs child?  He's a special kind of awful.  NOTHING he could do or promise would get me to stay with him.

Kaylee's picture

This guy and his feral daughters are horrendous.

As asked above many times, who would want to stay with people who bully an innocent child? The fact that your daughter is special needs makes their actions even more repulsive.

I'm at a loss for words...

Wicked stepmo.'s picture

Do not leave the house until you have consulted with an attorney regarding seperation and the home. 

Do not let SKs in the home, file for a refrain from order against SKs as part of the seperation. You can let DH know once the seperation is official then he can do as he pleases with his precious daughters.

 

IDontCare3117's picture

I'd also have your SDs charged with theft for taking the dog if they refuse to give him/her back.  What's preventing anyone from simply going to where the SDs are and taking the dog?

Winterglow's picture

And if they threaten suicide, call the appropriate authorities and have them hospitalized under surveillance ...

Jgarrant900's picture

The dog was taken for two weeks and he made me argue with them to return it. They both screamed at me and were rude and condescending when I told them no they can not have the dog and if they did not return it I'm calling the police. He defended me once I told them but I feel it should not have come to that. He should've handled it all. In the middle are the argument with the girls I told the younger one to stop being rude disrespectful and entitled. I told her she is not to treat me or my daughter this way or she will not be welcome in my house. From then on she tells everyone how she is a victim of me banning her from her Dad's home.

Winterglow's picture

How about telling her that if she continues like that you will tell everyone exactly why she is banned from your home.