ok..lets introduce you to my EX - AKA the Village idiot
While my DH was dealing with his private hell..aka The Beaver..I was dealing with my own private hell...aka The Village Idiot..aka VI
There is a saying that every village has an idiot..with The village idiot lives in a village (it is legimately called The Village of Xxxxx) and he is there idiot, hence The Village Idiot.
Now VI is a diagnosed narcissist. He got diagnosed when he DEMANDED a custody evaluator during a custody battle and tried to maniuplate the personality test and manipulate the evaluator (a psychatrist). Yep...the evaluator was on to him. Wasn't too hard though.
Example: Told the evaluator that he woud NEVER EVER call me names and certainly wouldn't use the word c*nt. Its not in his vocabulary.
Really....imagine the look on the evaluators face when I played the recordings of him calling me just that all the while you can hear my DD who was 4 at the time ask why he was calling mommy names.
Another example: He would never ever ever hit anyone, let alone a women. He is just not a violent man.
Really...played the recordings of him admitting ot hitting me and punching me...but that I deserved it. And played the recording of him telling me that he would kill me in front the kids and that the kids wouldn't cry at my funeral since they didn't love me anyway. And the recording of him telling me he would kill me and dismember my body. Showed the evaluator pictures of my bruised neck, the stiches I had in my face from being hit with a full can of pop. The black eye I had from him punching me.
He told the evaluator he was a genius and a member of MENSA. spoiler..he is neither.
He told the evaluator he is the BEST FATHER EVER..no one is better. Yet couldn't tell you what the kids liked, what therapies DS was in or what the kids middle names were. (Yes he did not know).
Now VI was violent during our marriage, I was choked, slapped, kicked, punched, things thrown at me and he hit me with his car. I still have scars on my face from the beatings.
I left the marriage with what I could carry in a suitcase, my 401k, my car and what I had in a private checking account. That was it..I left everything else, the house, the money, the other cars.everyting. I just wanted out with a custody arrangement that I drafted.
His attorney advised him to take the deal becuase if we went to court he would not get that much at all.
He took the deal..did that stop him. NOPE
He stalked me, harrassed me, harrassed my parents, my friends and my co-workers. I finally took all my recordings of him, pictures of him stalking me, letters he sent to the above people to my local domestic abuse advocate center. The advocate listened to the recordings (many in which he detailed how he would ruin my life and would ultimately kill me) and told me to wait and came back with the county prosecutor. I walked out of court that day with temporary protection order and went back in 30 days for a permanent protection order. I was granted a 5 year permanent protection order.
Now..he is not smart. He tried to be more sutble in the intimidation and harrassment. He would block my car in a custody exchanges (we exchanged at a fire station since he couldn't be trusted that would later be changed to a police station). He would shout out things to me at exchanges. Then he started to tell me he would kill me again when exchanging the kids. Here is where he was an idiot..
The last we exchanged kids at the fire station I brought along DH (we were dating at the time) and my digital recorder. VI had been threatening me but with no recording the police couldn't do anything. I tried...PO's suck sometimes. So..this time I was ready. VI lost his ever loving sh*t when he saw DH in the car. The kids had gotten out and got into VI's car. VI came charging out of this car, yanked open the passenger door and tried to get my DH out of the car. He started to yell he was going to kill me and DH and proceeded to punch my DH. DH was still seatbelted into the car and did not get out. (Later he told me it took every once of self restraint not to get out and beat the sh*t out of DH but he didn't want my kids to see that). VI then saw the recorder and proceeded to grab it out of my hand, run to his car and leave.
I called the police...and they came. Took our statements and to their credit took it very seriously. Here is where the VI made the biggest mistake. One of the officers was female, she called the VI on my cell phone and told him he could either return to the scene or they would come to the house, his choice. The VI proceeded to insult the female officer, tell her to go to hell and that she was no officer. She hung up and was PISSED...and said wow he is a piece of work. At this point, she told her back up what had gone down and now both are pissed. Her back up called the VI and told either get back to the scene or they would most certanly be visiting him at home.
The VI did not go to either, he went to Walmart to buy the kids toys (bribe gifts). The police officers called him one more time and VI agreed to meet at the fire station. He meets them and tells them his side of the story which certainly does not match mine and DH's story and they ask about the recorder. At first he tells them, its his. Officer straight up tells him, he doesn't believe him its his and to tell him what type it is, etc. VI couldn't do that..so then he tells them well it might be my recorder and that I "gave" it to him.
Officers at this point are suspicious..and receive the ok to search his car based on the fact that the recorder is not his and I did NOT give it to him. They retrieve the recorder and play the recording..in which he can clearly be heard threatening to kill me and my DH. All of which is a violation of the PO. VI is arrested and charged with a felony.
I had to go to the police station to pick up my kids, who were tramatized by seeing their dad arrested and handcuffed.
The kicker here..it was Christmas Eve......f'n Christmas Eve he pulled this crap. Upside Christmas eve..no judge, no bail, no hearing. The VI was dumb enough to do this on a holiday weekend and thus staying in jail in an orange jumpsuit for 4 days. Downside my kids Christmas was full of trama and sadness.
In the end the VI was found guilty of a class D misdemeanor, sentenced to 7 days in jail, two years of probation, fined $1500 and had to undergo mandatory psych treatment. The judge told him to find a new hobby other than harrassing his ex wife as the next time he would see a minimum jail time of three years. The judge also changed the custody exchange to the police station and required that the VI be IN the station to receive the kids. If he was not IN the police station, then I was to leave and the exchange would not occur.
The judge was taking no chances as another women in the county had just been murdered in front of her kids during an exchange by her ex husband. The entire county was on high alert for domestic violence.
This is why we call him The Village Idiot...don't threaten your ex who has PO against you on a holiday weekend, don't insult the female cop and don't lie about something that prompts them to search your vehicle. Most certainly do not do this right after a domestic volience murder occurred in the county you are in.