Sort of OT- Nervy Relations/Entitlement
So, this is a bit OT, but I think a lot of people on here could comiserate about people feeling entitled.. especially adult "kids".
So, short story long, My DH works half way across the country from me so that we can do things like buy a property we hope to use for retirement and so he can pay his share of basic bills. His job can't be done where we live.. and I can't leave my employer due to pension. I only get to see my husband one or two days a week.. if I am lucky and if we both drive 8-12 hours each way per person to meet in the middle. Yes.. it sucks.. Yes the brand new car I bought last year has almost 50K miles on it. I know this isn't a choice everyone would make, but my husband has been working in this field his whole life and he did have his own businesses doing this type of work, but due to a variety of reasons (long, complicated involves both economy and state regulations).. he does not have this business possibility any more.
His only viable option to earn anywhere near his potential was this.. so this is what he does. Hopefully it will not be forever, but here we are.. again.. did I mention it sucks?
So...we are purchasing a waterfront piece of property. The payment is not cheap.. like 2k/month not cheap. We have also put significant money into the property putting in a road, putting in a dock recently etc.. So.. a LOT of our money has gone into this in the past few years. We JUST got the dock put in after owning the land about 3 years... and have only walked on it a couple of times. I haven't even had a chance to fish or anything from it.
The Dock poperty is located in the town where my Inlaws live.. about 2 hours from me. Because of my travels to see my DH most weekends, I haven't been down there much. Once over the 4th was it this year so far.
So, imagine my irritation when I pop onto facebook and see my Husband's niece, her husband (who I don't like) and her daughter on our dock fishing. Was I asked? no. Was I tagged in the pics and called out to say "Gee thanks ESMOD and Uncle for letting us use your great dock" I asked my DH did he get asked? NO.
I would never think of using someone else's property without their permission. It's bad enough that his brother uses our dock to crab from.. and do you think his brother would help us out by pumping our boats out after it rains (hi lives behind my Inlaws in their "inlaw suite)??? No.. we even asked him before the 4th if he could bait his pots for us.. so we could enjoy some crabs.. NOPE.. didn't do it.
I hate ungrateful people that can't be bothered to say 20 words to you in a year.. but then have zero problem taking advantage of something you work your tailbone off to acquire.. without a please or a thankyou.
these people.. annoy me.
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Comments
Oh, wow, I don't even know
Oh, wow, I don't even know what to say to this (without sounding like a sailor and a bitch), it would royally piss me off.
Too bad they even know about it.
I Know Right? But, we had
I Know Right? But, we had them there with the rest of the extended family to watch fireworks a few times.. so they know.
Honestly, if they had at least thanked us for the good time they had fishing with their little girl... it would have gone a long way.
I mean, I haven't even pulled in a fish on that dock myself..lol.
I don't want to be an ahole and tell everyone to "stay off our land".. because in the end, they probably really aren't hurting anything, but it does pour a bit of salt on the missing my husband wound since this is one of the reasons he has to work where he is.
Ask your H to speak to the
Ask your H to speak to the family members that used your property without permission and ask them to ask before taking it upon themselves to do so. That would be common courtesy and if your H doesn't want to do that I'd take it upon myself to contact them and let them know that being that its your property they need to ask for permission. A boundary has to be created and them taking it upon themselves to feel confortable enough to do that shows that they have no respect.
What made them so confident that they felt that they could do that? Is your H allowing them and telling you otherwise?
I don't think my husband is
I don't think my husband is telling them they can do it. We have had them to the property a couple of times because it has a primo view of the local fireworks display..beautiful over the water.
Now, my INLAWS? I'm not putting it past them to offer or suggest they go over there to use it. They are the world's most generous people.. even with things that aren't theirs..lol. But I kind of think it was more that they knew where it was.. knew their dad used the dock and just figured it would be "OK".
In the end, I would have not minded if they had at least thanked us after the fact.. but just using it.. posting pics like they owned the place? ughhh
Entitlement...ugh
I'll bet there's a lot of STalkers here who would gladly "pump out your boats" and "bait your pots" to spend a weekend sleeping on your dock staring blankly at the stars away from their SKIDs! Entitlement and lack of appreciation of in-laws sucks for sure.
Yep.. on the little beach
Yep.. on the little beach with 25 acres of woods and open space to camp and tromp around..lol.
Unfortunately, my husband's brother has always been a bit jealous of us and what we have. He lives in the inlaw suite behind his parent's house.. we own several pieces of property. But, we have sacrificed a LOT to do all of this. It's not like it's easy living as we do. He has no problem availing himself of our luxuries when offered.. or even when not offered lol.
Me. I would. I volunteer
Me. I would. I volunteer ESMOD. Heck, I'll even get some fresh fish to go with the crabs.
Put a locked gate on the
Put a locked gate on the driveway.
Can't get in an (ab)use it if they can't gain access.
We do have a gate..
We do have a gate.. unfortunately, you can drive around it pretty easily.. as evidenced by the tracks his brother has run through the ditch because he is too lazy to get out of his truck and open the gate. lol.
Honestly, we really can't do much without creating a "issue" because my inlaws would be put smack in the middle. My DH's brother is EXTREMELY sensitive and holds grudges. My MIL is clueless and it is just "horrible" what the poor grandkids went through when their parents split up. of course.. she really only means my DH's brother's kids. They are her favorite. She will stop the moon from shining for them.. but my SD's? it's not that she treats them super poorly and does nothing for them.. but the favoritism is obvious. Always planning events when it's convenient to those kids.. but not my DH's.. etc.
as evidenced by the tracks
as evidenced by the tracks his brother has run through the ditch
That asshat!! I'm beeyotch enough that I would put some freaking steel poles in that ditch to prevent anyone driving through it.
The first thing that popped into my head was the liability. And that's the LAST thing you need. Definitely post No Trespassing. What will happen if one of those entitled poopieheads gets hurt on YOUR property??
I was thinking about liability as well
I was thinking about liability as well. I can't believe the brother would leave tracks around the gate instead of opening it. Maybe the next project could be to add some fencing by the gate. I would post "no trespassing" signs and approach it with the family from a liability standpoint. At the bare minimum, you need to be notified when they are on the property.
It's the business but as soon
It's the business but as soon as I read We JUST got the dock put in I thought - oh the liabilty!
If anything happens to anyone on that dock while you are not there is a horrible nightmare. That little girl could have tripped, hit her head, fell in the water, etc and they can sue you. Family or not it can be a bad scene.
Sorry - don't mean to be the debbie downer.
Funny you said that.. the
Funny you said that.. the girl DID fall in the water...
Yeah.. I know.. debbie downer you are not.. but just another reason why it would be better if people didn't just assume they could use our stuff without our permission.
Well, they are wrong to use
Well, they are wrong to use it without your permission.
But honestly, if they aren't hurting anything, I'd have told them to go ahead and fish from the dock anytime. Why not just let them do it? It's not like they are staying in the house and destroying stuff.
I won't be saying anything to
I won't be saying anything to them because the "family butthurt" fallout would be too big.
There is somewhat of a liability issue.. but the property is ALSO posted.. so I guess technically since they are trespassing if they got hurt and we had a gate.. plus the no trespassing signs it might not work out that well for them. No permission.. and no thank you means I don't "know" they are doing it.
Just a vent here with people that I won't have to sit around a holiday dinner table haha. Plus an example that many people just feel entitled to do what they want.. because they feel like it.. without any manners or thoughts to thank the people that made it possible.
I'm going to pretend I don't know about it.. haha.
Who even does that???!
Hi ESMOD,
Firstly, its the first time ive read the logistical situation you have with your DH... ugh, that sounds really tough. And yet really beautiful that you work as a team to still see one another each week.
Re the other stuff, who even does that?? I think id even call my mum (if she had a deck) and let her know i was there, and she's a woman who would literally give me the shirt off her back if i said it was nice. ie even though she'd never want me to ask id still give hear a heads up / ask.
The way i see it, given this liability stuff you can if you wish tell them ALL Not to do it due to liability issues. ie use it as an excuse to vent your frustration (i would be grrr too), or just turn a blind eye and given youve got your signage up in that way actually not be held liable for what happens to them (if i understood that legality correctly?). Would i then be right to assume that IF they ask you and you say yes and then they hurt themselves youre then liable? That then seems like a worst case option.
In any case, which kind of person just does that!? id be really irritated... just on principle and as you say, that sense of entitlement. Such a not nice quality.
Can you fit up an alarm with
Can you fit up an alarm with a motion detector that HOWLS or BLARES? Something that will scare the bejeezus out of them?
Alternately, as you can't be there very often, it might be worth your while to sign up with a telesurveillance home protection company.