Mother's day.. BM is not always the problem
Just a small example of BM not always being the problem. My SD is in the midst of divorce with her STBX. They do have a 50/50 schedule worked out..and they both made claims to each other they would be flexible when needed. They are doing the 2/2/3 method since they both are living close to one another and in same school district.
Well, when they started the visitation rotation.. neither of them fully looked forward to see when certain holidays would fall and they don't have a CO yet.. since they are in the middle of court stuff.. though the judge determined their arrangement is what it should be.. the lawyers have not put the "order" together (his lawyer is known for milking things out and trying to financially break the other party to get better deals).
In any case.. just happens that mother's day is on HIS weekend.. well.. my SD has been very accomodating for her sons.. allowing them to go with their dad some on her time so they could go hunting or do things with his family. She also allows it for things like one of the boy's baseball.. which due to all the driving.. is kind of a help for her anyway. But, he has not been similarly accomodating.\
So.. mother's day.. it's on his weekend.. these are kids under 10.. so it's not like they have their own phones or way to see her on their own.
He is telling her that she can't have them any on mother's day.. that "it's mother's day.. they need to be with my mom".
Not that he could let them go spend a few hours at any point during the day.. return them early sunday night vs her getting them monday after school..
He is a jerk...
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It’s mothers day
SD S;Gould have her kids at least !/2 a day. Normal holidays are divided up somehow. There's Father's Day coming up. Memory day weekend
I agree.. esp after she has
I agree.. esp after she has been so generous to let the kids go with her EX when he wanted to do special things like take them hunting etc.. she has been flexible.. and he has the nerve to say..."they need to be with my mom for mother's day".. like his mom is their parent or something.
No wonder she's divorcing him
No wonder she's divorcing him!
He's been miserly towards her
He's been miserly towards her their whole marriage. He talked her into trading in her paid for car when they got married (I mean.. dangling a nicer ride in front of her).. but the new one had a pmt.. and he would tell her where she could and couldn't go with it.. if he didn't like where she was going.. the friend she wantd to visit.. he would take the keys.
He spent all of his time with his dad and buddies drinking in the shop.. while she was doing everything for their child (now children).. just very "barefoot in the kitchen" attitude.. felt since he earned more that he had final say on everything..
he kept her broke because she paid all of her income towards bills.. while he had a ton of discretionary income to buy toys, tools, vehicles for his own selfish self.
she should have left long ago.. but the money for her was hard.
When you have a husband like
When you have a husband like that, being a single mother is easier.
That absolutely sucks!
That absolutely sucks!
I truly hope this is an eye-opening experience that teaches her to "do less" when it comes to being generous or cooperative with her STBX. If Father's Day falls on her weekend, maybe it is best spent with male figures in SD's life, since STBX couldn't be bothered to consider her for Mother's Day. Hate to be that way, but sometimes you have to.
DH and I always say, if our HCBM is willing to be cooperative and accommodating to our requests, we are more than happy to do the same. If she refuses and demands rigidity, then we will do the same unless her request benefits us. It sucks that it has to be that way, but when one side is generous and the other isn't, it results in burn out and resentment for the non-HC parent.
Mirroring works. They play nice, we play nice. If not, game on.
DH and I always say, if our HCBM is willing to be cooperative and accommodating to our requests, we are more than happy to do the same. If she refuses and demands rigidity, then we will do the same unless her request benefits us. It sucks that it has to be that way, but when one side is generous and the other isn't, it results in burn out and resentment for the non-HC parent.
This is exactly the model that we evolved during our CO years when dealing with the SpermClan. Primarily SpermGrandHag. The queen of the toxic blended family opposition manipulative behavioral succubuses. If they were reasonable, we were reasonable. We started with being reasonable and it took some time for us to realize that being nice with assholes does not work. So, be assholes, feel the pain.
Unless.... as you clearly stated.... their request benefits you.
We did not fall into resentment or get burned out. We made delivering suffering and pain commensurate to their crap our hobby. We got very good at it, and we learned to enjoy it while maintaining calm and being supportive of our kid. We applied legal, social, and financial consequences. We did not rage, or fight with them. We supported SS and his relationship with them, when they made an effort. When they didn't make an effort, we kept our life and his life and our family a loving supportive experience for all of us. We let them rot.
Roasting the toxic was based on their choices. All we did was bare their idiot asses with the facts that they created.
They got what they earned.
A simple balance depending entirely on their choices. They experience what they earn.
KISS.
He is an A**, so is his
He is an A**, so is his mommy. Your sd will have her hands full with this MIL and dad combo
I am so sorry
He needs the FAFO lesson. If
He needs the FAFO lesson. If she has them on F-day. She needs to reply in kind. When he gets cranky, send him the messages he sent regarding them spending time with his mother.
If it was not so late, I would file an emergency order request with the court to get them on M-day.
I hope that she has a pit bull take no prisoners attorney that will rip out his throat and that she gets primary, full legal, a shit ton of CS, a shit ton of alimony and most of everything.
That.. would apparently be karma.
I am sorry she has burried her entire life by breeding with this POS. I hope she and her kids can get past his crap and live great lives going forward.
Hopefully he will hear the word NO! from the Judge and from her for the CO years.
When she is living her best life I hope she finds a quality partner who will help her raise her kids in a quality caring marriage and help her keep her STBXH's nose rubbed firmly in the stench filled stain that his idiocy creates on his life's worn out low grade carpet.
Grrrrr!
Good luck to your SD. I hope she triumphs. For herself, and for the kids who lost the father lottery.
I wonder how he'll handle
I wonder how he'll handle things if the kids cause a fuss because THEY want to be with their mum on mother's day. This could backfire on him.