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Bio Mom Issues

Anonymous01's picture
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Hi everybody,

So my SD's BM and I get along very well, we are best friends. Well recently, about a month ago BM decided to move my SD to a school near mine and her BD's house and her BM lives an hour away, but works 30 minutes from where we live. Well her BM signed her up for a cheer clinic and then she was unable to take her so she asked me to do it. SD also needed a physical for school and BM asked me to take her and to her eye appointment as well. This week was McTeachers night at McDonalds in our town. I posted a picture of SD and her teacher on Facebook, which BM didn't like. She came at me saying she is her mother she should be the one taking her to school events, doctors appointments, birthday parties, etc..and that is how it's going to be. That she will be doing everything with her and I won't. I don't know what to think or how to even feel about this because I do a lot for my SD and I look at her as my own...HELP!!

Want2's picture

Obviously if she asks you to take her and then comes at you for doing so she’s a whackadoodle. Maybe there’s more to the story. But if not you need better friends. Sane ones.

Aunt Agatha's picture

because that is not how friends behave.  That is how unappreciative dumb a$$es behave. 

Kes's picture

I don't think her cornbread is done in the middle - as said above, friends don't treat friends like that.   I'd keep her at arm's length in future.  

I live in the UK - would love to know what a "cheer clinic" is.  

Cogito Ergo Sum's picture

I assume it has something to do with cheerleading - practice maybe? But I'm not in the US either so I'm not sure & am curious too! 

OP, That's an unusual situation, best friends with your DH's EX. It seems like you're stuck in the middle, which can't be easy, is that really where you want to be?

twoviewpoints's picture

Cheerleader clinic is merely a sponsored 'class' or camp to advance skills and/or be introduced to the activity. Can be anywhere from a simple afternoon to multiple weeks. Sometimes the HS cheer team might sponsor a weekend day clinic at the school gym to the younger kids (example 9 to 13 year olds) , sometimes it's more intense and put on by  outside group and geared more towards specializing to teach harder routines. 

It's on top of the school cheerleading team regular practices, cost fees to participate blah blah. Some of the cheer teams do competition events et. 

But to the OP's posting.... OP, you can't predict how a BM will feel over any given subject. Sure, your BM was buddy buddy and perfectly 'ok' with you do the running and time consuming hands on of chasing her kid as a taxi and doing the sitting in offices for her kid's appointments. No problem. 

But for your BM, you crossed the line when you posted the 'public' social media pic as if SD might actually be your kid. LOL. BMs are funny crazy over some of those types of things. BM thinks of you as her kid's 'bonus unpaid helper' , someone to assist in all the things she either doesn't want to do or can't do schedule wise. You're great for that. Makes BM's life easier for BM and she can still appear to be MOTY (because, SD doesn't run around telling all her friends and other parents who drive her here or there).... you're the unspoken unseen 'bonus' caretaker. 

But when you put up the pic, now everyone knows/can see there is this other parent like woman who very much participates in BM's daughter's life. Now BM is hurt, upset and angry. You're suppose to 'stay in your lane, lady'. 

You sound like a very caring and loving SM and I'm sure SD is lucky to have a SM like you, but this was bound to happen sooner or later.  Most SMs and BMs are not friends or they basically keep any relationship on a more business like level. You didn't 'do' anything wrong in posting the photo, but unfortunately to BM and her mind you broke the rules and crossed a secret boundary.

This too shall pass. My hunch is, while the friendship with BM and you might be over, it won't take long before BM decides she needs her kid 'bonus unpaid helper' and restarts requesting kid task of you. 

Anonymous01's picture

A cheer clinic is where a little kids are basically allowed to sign up to cheer for a day with older cheerleaders.

Harry's picture

Only wants to do the fun things.  

hereiam's picture

You have had problems with her before, why do you think that you are now "best friends"?

BM over here can pretend to be best friends with anybody, until she gets what she wants, stabs them in the back, or sleeps with their husband.

beebeel's picture

She is fine with you doing a bunch of the heavy lifting, but don't you dare show or tell anyone about it. She wants the credit without the work. Stop doing favors for assholes.

Healyourslf's picture

She's a manipulative nutcase.  YOU put yourself in the middle and need to stay out of it, unless ofcourse some part of you really enjoys being the target-practice wall. I would venture to say this is your first experience with parenting/co-parenting and you are trying to be the peacekeeper and all-around pick-up-the-slack-slave to keep everyone happy.  You're a people-pleaser and you are being taken advantage of. 

DH needs to be responsible for SD. Despite what BM demands, HE needs to have the dialogues/conversations with her. Reassess the meaning of  "friendship."  BM is playing you to get what she wants then turns passive-aggressive when she's not getting the attention or credit.  YOU ARE GOING TO GET BURNED.