Bragging about ex yet you are broke because of them
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Anyone get tired of hearing how great of a parent the ex is to their own kids and your SO bragging about their exes career and parenting yet your SO is super broke and is in debt not only because they chose to have children with this person and they spent their best years of their life with them but also their doesn't make enough money to pay a significant amount of child support and doesn't see thier kids enough so you barely have any time alone together and when you do it's stressed because of money. Yeah sure your ex is so great........thats why you are broke, stressed and raising their childs by yourself and you have little time for a relationship.
I'm sure I would, had my DH
I'm sure I would, had my DH ever dared to utter those words. Why is he saying things like that? Is he trying to make you jeaous? Hurt your feelings? What? There doesn't seem to be any kind of point to telling you things like that. I'd just act very disinterested, don't feed into it by laying into him about her faults. A "that's nice dear, what should we do this weekend?" hopefully will give him the clue that you don't give a damn about his opinion of the ex. Failing that, maybe you should say something snarky like, "Wow, she sounds awesome, you should marry her." Don't waste you energy fighting with him about it. She's not worth it.
My DH debatedly would no
My DH debatedly would no longer be alive at that point.
I agree and it's gotten to
I agree and it's gotten to the point where I've nearly stopped caring. Him, his ex and both of their parents (grandparents) all attend weekend sports games and events together for their kids. I have to work and he gives me a hard time about not attending. I go when I can but work comes first for me and I'm not sorry about that. I can afford my bills. Plus who wants to hang around this disaster during their free time?
They're still playing happy
They're still playing happy family. I would be weary about that.
DH and I have had this
DH and I have had this argument a few times.
If BM were a good mother, she wouldn't have tried to push DH out of his kids' lives. If BM were a good mother, she wouldn't need DH to buy all the kid's clothes in addition to the $1,000 in CS every month. If BM were a good mother, she wouldn't have taken loans out in DH's name without his knowledge. She wouldn't have dated a registered sex offender. She would have kicked her XH out the first time he stole from the kids/got them kicked out of their apartment/stole money from her. She would have 2-3 jobs versus barely 1 so she could let her kids live in decent housing. She would have given DH custody when she was homeless versus dragging the kids to hotels and lying to DH about where they were living.
I'm not saying that DH is the best dad in the world, because he's not. But I have no qualms reminding him just how NOT good of a mother she is when he has that momentary brain seizure that makes him think she is.
Lt_dad, sometimes the
Lt_dad, sometimes the similarities between Psycho and your BM are a bit frightening... The loans, the lack of care, the lies, the minimally employed...
As far as I know, BM doesn't
As far as I know, BM doesn't do drugs. However, she has very peculiar coloring on her teeth that have made me question DH about whether she uses stuff recreationally. He doesn't think she does, but I've only ever seen staining like that from someone who smokes.
She possibly does. My DH was
She possibly does. My DH was in weird enial too for a while. It's like they don't think anyone would harm their kid so they live in a lala land. I know I called it a LONG time before my Dh finally admitted, and that happened when information was brought to us.
I think there's something
I think there's something about 'denial' if you think your ex is a good parent it helps you sleep at night. I know my ex is not a good dad, living with him nearly killed me. My son seems to be able to shake off all the negging and criticism. I couldn't. But even I sometimes like to think my ex is a good dad despite all the evidence to the contrary, because the reality is too awful. I KNOW I can't even get more custody time - lawyers have told me so. But I know my son would be better off with less time.
My SSs' BM has a lot of good qualities in parenting - she's more with it than my ex is. But she, too is verbally abusive. My SO tells himself a story that he'd be tearing the kids away from all their friends and he doesn't want to put them in a middle of a custody battle - all true. But she's emotionally abusive. I have zero worries about their physical wellbeing. I mean she hits them, but I have my son (as does she) in a sport where they take far worse hits on a regular basis. I do worry about their abilities to be stable, happy adults who choose good partners - that's a worry for all 3.
My SO is not a particularly
My SO is not a particularly educated man, but he's not stupid. So NO, he does not brag about his ex, because he is smart enough to know that no good can come of that. We are not broke because of her (no CS paid either way), both BM and SO work, both BM and SO parent (50/50, and they're cooperative), and he still isn't dumb enough to brag about her. If he did, I would probably go apeshit. There is no need for him to be building up another woman with whom he had a relationship in front of me (or at all). To me, that is disrespectful of me and our relationship. You need to tell your SO to put a lid on it where the ex is concerned.
Mine doesn’t say how good of
Mine doesn’t say how good of a parent the ex is (cuz she is awful), but he is broke because of her and having to support her lifestyle.
Response A: "Go be with her
Response A: "Go be with her then."
Response B: "Yeah. My ex was a great lay and a great provider. I'm not sure why I left him."
I’d ask yourself why are you
I’d ask yourself why are you in a relationship with this jerk? You aren’t married and have no kids with him and he is not even nice. So what’s the point.
my DHs ex is awful so he wouldn’t brag about her. My ex is a good man and a good father but I think it would be rude to brag about him. It’s hurtful. Your SO enjoys hurting your feelings. Red flag
Thats just weird
Bragging about the ex? Either very strange or very stupid
DH NEVER, brags about his ex, ToxicTroll, and always insists that he is happier with me, more in love with me, and way better off with me than he ever was with her.
It is mind boggling isn't it?
It is mind boggling isn't it?
I do occasionally brag about how depraved my carven crotched adulterous whore of an XW is and how I gained clarity as to the root cause of her depravity.
19 years after my divorce from my XW I was doing some research to put together a slide show for my parent's 50th anniversary. During that research I clicked on a link that popped up referencing my XW. A few clicks later and I read all about my XMILs conviction for embezzlement and the multi $million settlement that the entire family had to pay back to her employer. Off to prison my XMIL went and my XW was stuck with a couple of $Mil in settlement to pay back. I made some calls to a few mutual friends and apparently my XWs share of the settlement to pay back was ~$2Mil.
On the day we married I walked down the isle with a beautiful intelligent nursing student. After we arrived in our hotel room that night she disappeared into the bathroom for a couple of hours. Out came a ragged looking whack job in a holey T-shirt, ratty panties that looked like it had crawled out of a dumpster. With the temperament and personality to boot.
I dodged a bullet by not polluting my gene pool with that fucked up mess of genetic refuse and was fortunate to only have wasted 2.5 years on that lost cause.
I am proud of the life, marriage and career I have built since then. I have a stunning successful loving caring brilliant woman at my side and I am proud to be at hers. For 24+ years, together we have given each other the world. Literally.
Still holding a torch?
Kinda sounds like your man is still holding a torch for his Ex...
I would be VERY cautious and consider running from this situation. Don't get me wrong I talk "high;y" of my Ex in specific situations, but ONLY to my children. I don't believe any of the words I say but in conversations with the kids if they ask "when I was little"/"Dad" specific questions I will say something like "Oh, your Dad always valued that play time with you guys, he is a very loving father" (Bullshit) but I'll be damned if I'm gonna be the basher.
I would be appalled and shocked if DH ever compared me in a bad way to BM or said anything about how wonderful she was to me.
My DH had a short marriage to
My DH had a short marriage to BM and then was married for about 15 years to his 2nd wife. He has nothing positive to say about wife #2, but he does seem to want to defend BM.
He married her because a ONS resulted in the OSS (now deceased}. Another ONS resulted in SS34 years after their divorce. She went thru major depression as I think so would I. I know he feels guilt over it all. It does not really affect us though.
""........thats why you are
""........thats why you are broke, stressed and raising their childs by yourself and you have little time for a relationship". ... not to mention divorced from Miss Wonderful. By the way. Explain to me again why is she is so wonderful you are divorced from her.... yah, Thanks."
smh