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The damned facebook...

not THAT happy's picture

I don't know why I always feel so affected with this.

Every.single.time I see BIL or BIL's wife "liking" or posting something nice on a photo of SD on facebook, I flip out. SIL makes sure DH doesn't miss any photo of his dearest niece and he adopted the policy of clicking on like every single time he sees either a photo of SD or a photo of our BS.
SIL writes stuff on the photos of BS from time to time (not as often as she does with BIL's children though), but BIL and his wife never ever write anything to any photo of BS.

All of his family completely forgot (or prefered not to remember) about our anniversary which was last week (except for my FIL and SMIL, but they are another story).

Am I being irrational here? I'm not sure why this gets me so much, and why DH doesn't get it ("it's just facebook y'know? let it go")

There are days like today where I feel completely fed up and I just want them to erase them all from my life. I really wish I could do that. And it was all because of a fucking photo!

Comments

knucklehead's picture

It's Facebook. Who cares?
There are WAY bigger things going on in this world than to get your panties twisted over your IL's "liking" a picture of another family member.
Also, anniversaries are for the couple. They aren't "holidays" that should be recognized by outsiders, IMO. No one in my life has ever "celebrated" my anniversary except me and my DH.

stormabruin's picture

I agree. I acknowledge my parents anniversary with a phone call if it occurs to me, but it isn't something I calendar each year.

MIL & StepFIL...we may comment (though it usually ends up serving as a reminder to them) on their anniversary, but it only comes up because their wedding anniversary happens to also be the anniversary of when DH & I met.

Siblings...I don't even know when their anniversaries are. I don't figure it's my place to try to remember them.

FB is & will always be a place for drama & hurt feelings. I am an avid FB-er. My family is spread across the country, so FB makes it easy to keep up with everybody.

Don't worry about who's "liking" pics of your son. I'm not sure how old he is, but I'm guessing not old enough to be bothered by it. Don't let yourself get offended by something that doesn't involve you.

not THAT happy's picture

Oh it's the facebook thingy that gets me. We got into a huge fight about 2 years ago and everything was supposed to be back to normal.
BIL and BIL's wife are MIL's fav, and I don't really care about the 100K she gave them as a gift for their wedding or everything se has done, what it really gets me is that they do everything she tells them to. and God knows she hates me, so it's more of a package deal here.
And in our families, anniversaries are in fact celebrated by everyone (that's how we roll)

stormabruin's picture

The fact that they didn't acknowledge your anniversay indicates that not ALL of you roll that way. They chose not to celebrate with you. Just as they chose, you & your DH can also choose to celebrate with them or not.

FB isn't worth fighting over. Trying to keep tabs on whether or not they "like" as many of your pictures as they do of someone else's pictures is NOT worth your time or your feelings.

There's nothing you can do to make someone else...ANYone else behave the way YOU want them to or think they should.

Let them do their thing & you do yours. You'll find that life is SO much better that way.

not THAT happy's picture

They do celebrates everyone else's anniversary, ours was the exception.
I know they don't like me, and I just can't understand the reasons. I guess that is way I get really irrational and childish with everything they do/say...

stormabruin's picture

I understand it being hurtful.

If they want to celebrate everyone but you, you can't change it. Recognize that they are making choices to exclude you. You have those same choices to make. If they don't want to celebrate YOU as family, don't celebrate them as family. Don't expect something you know you won't get from them & you won't be disappointed when it doesn't happen.

I do understand that your feelings are hurt, but you need to find a way to accept that you can't make them change. Don't keep giving them the power to hurt you.

magnummom's picture

It would hurt my feelings if DH's family celebrated everyone else's anniversary in the family and chose to not tell us happy anniversary. I can def. understand the hurt feelings there.

And I know what you mean about FB to. It does get annoying when you see your DH's family favoring everyone else over the family you have with your DH.

I finally got so sick of stuff with my DH's family and BM on facebook that I chose to delete everyone that chose to remain FB friends with her. I didn't ask them to delete her, just didn't feel like seeing all the lovey comments.

Your feelings are normal. Please don't let anyone make you feel otherwise. (((((hugs))))

GoldenGoose's picture

I'm sorry that they are excluding you. I have the same issue with my ILs. My BIL "likes"every blessed post that SDs write. It used to be irritating, now it is funny. It took me a while and a lot of phone conversations with my own mom to gain some perspective; the end result I will post some day soon. But, as stormabruin wrote: "There's nothing you can do to make someone else...ANYone else behave the way YOU want them to or think they should." with my ILs, I came to the realization that if they didn't care about my DH's feelings, then they certainly don't care about mine and why waste my time and energy on people who could care less about you. We are important when money and favors are needed, but not important enough to be notified of basic information involving my DH's kids. So now, they get nothing from me: not my time, energy or talent. I think that when I began to really accept the fact that I am not really important at all, in my ILs eyes I was freed up from just not caring what their thoughts of me were. Despite what some say, FB is a microcosm of our society. Unfortunately, it is used,at times, as a utility to take cyber jabs at others. My DH removed himself from FB a month ago and is worlds better for it. Consider taking a "FB holiday" to allow you to focus on other things. ((( hugs)))

imjustthemaid's picture

My MIL has a shrine to SD15 on her facebook account. Its disgusting! It is all pictures of her with the words "my beautiful SD (name)" but has no mention of BD4 which is also her granddaughter! She excludes my DD10 and BD4 from every single thing. I hate this woman so much!

imjustthemaid's picture

She used to randomly show up at my house and hand SD presents in front of the other kids. Cute notebooks, clothes, hair things and the other 2 would just be standing there looking at her. She is an evil bitch! DH told her to stop so she did it more!

Now she takes SD shopping and out to eat weekly and told DH to spend less time with me and more with SD. Umm I only see him maybe on Sunday and late at night when he gets home from work so I don't think so evil MIL!!

imjustthemaid's picture

Yeah she is evil. Her and FIL also stole thousands of dollars from DH's company!! Probably about 50k!!