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Summer Camp

seidahogirl's picture

My DH feels that sending his son to a summer camp for 1-2 week is not acceptable. I think he feels guilty and is afraid SS will feel like he's being abandoned. I explained it was all in the way you handle it with SS and if you make it sound fun then the kid will be excited vs upset. Also, camp would give "US" a break from the drama and allow "US" to rekindle the flame. Not to mention SS10 would enjoy having fun in the great outdoors and playing with children his own age. PLUS SS's therapist HIGHLY suggested putting him into camp and summer programs to help SS gain the social skills he lacks before the next school year starts.

DH says "Sorry but I like having my son around. Sorry I'm not like you and enjoy having your kids gone for half the summer."

I said "If my kids BD was in prison for life like SS's BM then my BC would be here 100% of the time too. I WOULD have no problem sending them off to a week long summer camp, it's not uncommon for families to send their children to camps. Plus it's sad because SS has no friends and spends his summer days sitting outside playing his gameboy, watching tv or reading. That means that this is the 6th year SS will have a miserable/boring summer ALONE."

I then proceeded to remind my husband that my BC will be back in a few weeks from their BD and how do you think SS will feel when they return with stories of California pool parties, theme park adventures, camping/fishing trips, etc? SS's going to think his summer SUCKED again. DH just basically shrugged his shoulders and walked away. (BIG SIGH)

I personally cant spend all day taking SS to places to have fun, I work a full time job and DH works FT and goes to school PT.

Even our family counselor wrote a special letter to the YMCA requesting help for SS and my husband refuses to do anything with it. All he has to do is walk into the YMCA and get registered....but I wont do it for him so he just gave up. That's been the problem the entire 8 years we've been together, DH never wants to do anything for his son and wants me to do it all. Yet he tells me that he wants his son around, spend time with him, teaching him things, take him places BUT then sits on his butt and plays XBOX360 for hours.

My problem with it is that I take care of business as soon as shit happens. My B-kids have a problem? I'm there and ready to take action! My B-kids need counseling? I'm there and ready to take action! They screw up? I'm there and ready to take action! I would walk to the end of the earth to help my BC, why wont DH for his own? I know I can't change DH and have to deal with it but man it's tough.

Oh yeah! And due to my conversation with DH last night, he immediately texted our marriage counselor and setup an emergency counseling session for ME tomorrow. Wait till she hears why....all because I suggested a week long summer camp for SS. Oh well, I'm taking the opportunity to vent and get some feedback on how I need to handle this. It'll do me some good.


oceangirl3's picture

Guilty Daddy syndrome at it's finest. Tell your DH it is important for SS to learn how to deal with things he may not like to begin with. He may end up enjoying summer camp. I sent SD11 to camp one year, but that was because I through such a fit and said enough is enough. I may look into sending her to another one this summer. Hold your ground and just sign the kid up for camp. DH may not agree, but if he sees SS enjoys it then his tune will most likely change. Best of luck and I feel your pain.

Jsmom's picture

What an idiot...My SS12 is at a summer camp at a major university where he is living in a Frat House for a week learning how to program video games. Very cool. He must be having a good time because we have not heard from him...

My BS16 is trekking Philmont in NM with the Boy Scouts as I write this for 12 days. Last year they both did YMCA camp for 7 days. They enjoyed it. SS not as much as BS, so we found the video game camp for him since that is his passion and not "roughing it" like BS. You have to find something or he will never have personal social skills. SS12 has antisocial behavior and DH and BM are finally seeing it. BM won't do anything about it but therapy. DH sees that he needs to stop being treated like a baby and force him to be social. Summer camp is a great way. My parents sent me and my sisters for three weeks every summer. We loved it and they are some of my greatest childhood memories. If you can afford it, he should go. It is great for them. Also, YMCA gave a partial scholarship to my son last year since I said it was too expensive and they really wanted him to do the high adventure part.

Stop doing stuff for your SS and maybe he will realize that this is no way for a child to spend his summer. If you keep finding him stuff to do, you are enabling your DH to not have to find anything for him.

oceangirl3's picture

"Stop doing stuff for your SS and maybe he will realize that this is no way for a child to spend his summer. If you keep finding him stuff to do, you are enabling your DH to not have to find anything for him."

I completely agree with this statement. I have stopped doing for SD11 and I am just waiting for BF to start finding things for her to do. I have let go of the guilt I felt for not doing anything and I have realized it is for the best, because she is not my child or my responsibility. I have a right to my own well-being and happiness.

VioletsareBlue's picture

Ahhhhh! We're sending SD15 to girl scout camp for 10 days. I can't wait! We will at least have 2 days with no kids in the house for 8 glorious hours.

I was hoping for BM to have saturday overrnights by the last weekend that SD15 is at camp but DH is so pissed off that she won't sign the paperwork and is dragging us back to court that he isn't going to give her an inch and she can wait until Mid August. Ah well.

Stay strong. I don't know how you are doing it.

Auteur's picture

Guilty daddy viewing his son as a helpless infant. Pathetic!

Biodad needs to grow a pair; that comment about "i like having my son around" dollars to donuts he doesn't do a damn thing with him.

GG was like this all the time in the early years. It was like they were umbilically attached. Hell, I wanted to go to a XMAS PARTY for a couple of hours with GG and he refused saying "my kids need me!" :sick:

I would DEFINITELY disengage and let daddykins totally take over. Let him spend 24/7 quality time with him. Kind of like the way they used to punish kids for smoking by making them smoke the WHOLE PACK and get sick b/c of it!!

forestfairy's picture

Going to summer camp is one of the most fun parts of being a kid! He would LOVE it! Does he want to go? Your DH sounds like a piece of work.

seidahogirl's picture

You are all 100% right. I need to quit feelings sorry for SS and DH and let them get on with it. If SS doesn't have a fun summer then so be it. That's not my problem.

Thanks friends for all your support! Smile

NCMilGal's picture

Oh ffs!!

I started going to camp at age 8. From 12-16, I was at 3-week camps and managed to call my parents ONCE. I was too busy having fun.

We only got SD15 for four weeks this summer - she has spent the last two at a writing camp because that's her passion. We see her a MAX of eight weeks a year, and are willing to let her go and find herself, not what can be found at the end of an XBox game. Camp allows kids to meet people and get out and DO things. Since when is that a bad thing??

We're going to hear about it, too. SD15 called us ONCE, and didn't call BM more than that, so BM is "worried." I told SD15 that if I didn't hear from her, she was either busy, or dead, and if she was dead, I'd be getting a call from the program, so I wasn't worried.

hismineandours's picture

My 9 year old dd is at church camp right now-my ds 12 went last week and my dd13 went the week before that. The first year my kids went-they were 9 and 10 and they came home and said it was the best time of their life. It has been truly life altering for them. Next year my 12 and 13 year old will be going to their own camps and then will be doing an additional week as junior counselors. How awesome!

I asked my ss13 last year if he wanted to go and he said no. He said he'd have baseball-I told him camp didnt start until baseball season was over and he said that he still thought he'd have games-total excuse. This year I asked my dh if he wanted me to sign ss up as well-he told me no. I asked why and he said "because when he misbehaves I'm not going want to drive the 3 hours to go pick him up". Wow. It's almost like these daddys are determined to keep their kids down.