Spouse comes first
This is an answer I provided for AlexandraL's post about this subject. I decided to make it a blog entry since I want to explain in more detail some examples of what really means putting your child/spouse first. I would also love to see some examples from Storiesbysteve who has had a 30 year old marriage with a woman who has put her children first, and has put this in actual words.
Without further due, here is my post:
People think of "top priority" as if the ones that do not belong in this category are neglected. Kids' welfare SHOULD be priority because they are not self sufficient, especially young kids. Now, what we talk about here is not related to who should you feed, husband or child? I mean that is just silly. I will give some examples in which people may put "the child first" which will be labeled as CASE A or when people will put a spouse first Labeled CASE B. These "putting child first" are in regards to steptalk content.
1. CASE A:
Child lives with bio parent, then bio parent remarries with stepmom, kid wants to keep sleeping with the bio parent as before but now theres stepmom. Bioparent chooses to please the child by not upsetting him/her and letting her/him sleep with them, even though stepparent will be upset.
2. CASE B: Family wonders where to eat, child wants to go to Mcdonald's, spouse wants to go to Taco Bell. Spouse's opinion Is priority, they end up going to Taco Bell even though child is upset.
3. CASE A: Spouse is upset at kid bringing friends over everyday; bioparent chooses not to talk to kid because kid might get upset that he/she can't have friends over whenever possible.
4. CASE B: Spouse wants bioparent to discipline child for certain behavior, bioparent becomes a team with spouse and presents a united front for the kid. Parent might not agree with spouse but will not let the child so, and will talk to with spouse in private about any disagreement.
5. CASE B: While out, spouse will rather hold other spouse's hand and not skid unless necessary (crossing streets)
6. CASE B: Spouse will rather watch a movie and cuddle with other spouse than the kid.
7. CASE B: Spouse enjoys a family vacation, but if there was only one vacation possible, spouse will prefer to go to a romantic vacation with other spouse (no kid)
8. CASE B: Spouse has $10 bucks, Deciding on whether to buy the daughter a doll, or the wife a rose, spouse chooses to buy the rose.
Get the picture?
We as adults, have the responsibility to keep any child in our house: safe, fed, dressed and loved. Other than that, our spouse should come first. It is the way nature is supposed to work because our "kids", will eventually find their "true" love and have their own family. We need to make sure these kids grow up having a strong, united figure of a marriage, and knowning that kids do not form teams with parents, but rather, parents (step included) are ONE team dedicated to love each other and teach them the path to become successful adults.
That, is my definition of putting my spouse first.