POLL: Big question, need help!
What do you think of children 12years old and older being able to spent the summer with their non-custodial parent ( as long as the situation is safe)? I am starting to think that this may be a bit of a solution. this would give the custodial parent(step-parent) a break from an ohh soo wonderful teenager, but it would give the teen a break from the custodial parent also. It would also control the length of time that the teen is gone and that there is an end to the visit. I think it would also give the non-custodial parent a taste of real parenting and perhaps a chance to bond with his/her teen, and also perhaps for the teen to see the real reason why they don't live with non custodial parent and this may take away the vision of perfection that is portrayed every other weekend by non-custodial parent.if any of you have done this you rfeedback would be greatly appriciated, and even if you have not done this I would also appriciate your opinion. Thanks!!!
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It sounds like a great idea
It sounds like a great idea to me.
I am a non-custodial parent,
I am a non-custodial parent, and my ex happily gives me my kids to me every summer, depending on their activities. They are very much into sports.
He doesn't try to keep them from me, but wants me to be involved in their lives. I get a real taste of what it is like in his every day lives.
He is a great father, and being an every day parent is not easy. I say to the parent that doesnt have the kids.. go on vacation!!! Take some time for yourself!!! Heck, my ex was planning to go on a cruise this summer while I had the kids... the only thing I said was have a drink for me!!!
Wow! you two really got your
Wow! you two really got your act together when it comes to your kids!! BRAVO!!!! I think that this arrangement is great, it give you time to bond with your kids but I bet it also helps you and your ex co-parent better, as you have a great Idea of what everyday life is like with the kids and this probably helps the kids realize that your house is not Disneyland and that real life happens at your home too!!! again Bravo!!!
that's what I thought, I am
that's what I thought, I am even kind of looking forward to my own bio children( when they get that age) having a summer with their dad and of course there would be visitation every other weekend. I mean what parent here couldn't use a break for awhile. I think it MAY allow a teen to appriciate how good home really is and that non-custodial parents house is not as fun when it is full time. perhaps that is just a dream but I am pretty sure every step parent of a teen here would love an 8- 10 week break, and perhaps rekindle some of the passion with a signifigant other!!!
Did not work for us. We
Did not work for us. We have a court order that says BM gets two complete weeks with children during the summer. She requested one full week. The third day into the week our oldest (12 at the time and 14 now), was walking down the highway - trying to walk home. A sheriff stopped him and then called BD and me to come get him. The fourth day our youngest (8 at the time 10 now) was left at BM apartment alone and he too started walking down the road on his way home. An elderly lady allowed him to use her cell phone to call me and requested that I come get him.
BM tried to press charges against me for kidnapping the boys – it did not hold up in court. Three weeks later she requested her second full week and we refused. She then took us to court saying we were not allowing her to have her time with the boys and she wanted both of us arrested for contempt of court. Instead, she was given supervised visitation.
At times we think about what it would be like to send the boys back for just 1 week. So they can remember what it was like for more than just a day with BM. However, with our BM just one over night visit is usually enough to remind the boys how nice it is when they are at home and safe.
If you and Bio really want to try it, other bio is up for it, and it does not break any court orders then it does not hurt to try it and see if it works for you and your family. Good Luck!
In that situation things are
In that situation things are different. I would only allow the kids to go to a safe and stable home!
We have to do it as part of
We have to do it as part of the custody agreement and frankly, it sucks.
They come back messed up emotionally.
BM does that PAS thing all summer and we have to spend two weeks "reprogramming" them. The older they get, the harder it gets.
If we had a choice, it would not happen.
On the positive side, it gives DH and I a chance to reconnect. We get pretty kissy lovey and gooey too
I wouldn't have done it
I wouldn't have done it because a summer is still not like a school year and perfectson would have locked onto having a grand ole time at his dad's house during the summer and would have thought he wanted to stay there. His dad's house was safe and stable once he was rid of the evil satanwoman, but I wouldn't have allowed it.
I think its great! My
I think its great! My brother and I went to my dad's for the summer throughout our childhood after the divorce. I certainly wished he had lived closer so we could see him more but we lived on opposite coasts but there's something to be said about the time not being disrupted. Some of the most fond memories are my summers with my dad
We have been doing this
We have been doing this since our kid (my SS) was 2yo. He is now 17. In the court ordered visitation schedule BioDad (NCP) gets 5wks in the Summer, 1-2wks in the Winter and 9 days at Spring break.
This gives my wife and I a break that we enjoy though we do have issues with putting him on the plane. Unfortunately BioDad has little to do with him and he spends most of his time with the SpermGrandParents where he gets used as a baby sitter for his three younger out-of-wedlock half sibs. The situations not abusive by any means but there have been instances of borderline neglect and the kid picks up a very unhealthy dose of toxic vitriolic crap from the SpermClan.
He usually starts firmly planting his head up his ass 3-4 weeks before he departs for visitation. He gets snarky, sullen and lazier than usual. Then we have ~6wks of detox when he gets back. Though he is glad to be home it takes time for him to reintegrate in to his real life and live up to the household and family expectations that are the norm in our home.
Hopefully your kids NCP has far more on the ball and is much more caring than ours is.
Good luck and best regards,
Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications) To each according to their performance, screw Karl Marx. (Rags)
It is really nice to have a
It is really nice to have a vacation for you can relax just for awhile. Who says you can't have a comforting getaway without having green architecture? The Bali located resort Alila Villas Uluwatu uses all eco friendly design, and it is rated as one of one of the most relaxing getaway resorts within the world. Heck, pictures of it make me relax. (Then again, my usual getaway is to Margaritaville, and I do not mean the restaurant.) Of course, getting there may cost a couple of payday loans, but that would be worth it.
Vgill, are the skids
Vgill, are the skids behaving better for you?
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"Most couples have not had hundreds of arguments, they've had the same argument hundreds of times."
Nope...no extended vaca for
Nope...no extended vaca for choochoo at disneyland. The max amount of time he is allowed to spend there is a full week and his father is required to take that week off work and he is also required to take him on some sort of structured vacation during this time rather than having choochoo play videogames and watch tv indoors the whole week.
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We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are. ~Anaïs Nin
I think its a great idea.
I think its a great idea. Hell, Im looking into spending thousands to send SS to summer camp because his BM WON'T take him for the whole summer!!! If you can send them to the NCP for the summer, do it!!!
"If I turn into another, Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me" -Incubus
no, no and no...but in my
no, no and no...but in my case the BM lost custody and doesn't evercise any visitation...no way in hell would I be starting over with neanderthal children in September, if they were even alive at the end of the summer....but I think if the ncp is stable and has exercised visitation and it is a safe environment, I don't see anything wrong with it, except I would miss my skid immensely :(....
A mother is not defined by the "b" or the "s" in front of her name, she is defined by how she handles the "mother" part.....