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Feelings about skids carry over to feelings about in-laws

zerostepdrama's picture

My in-laws are okay. They dont live in the same state as us, so I dont have to see them very often. When I do see them, its fine.

I have my opinion about MIL due to her being a crackhead whore mother when DH was younger and how that has directly affected my DH as he is now.

Overall though, we all get along.

DH's siblings are younger then him, to where they are somewhat close in age to the skids.

Obviously my in-laws love the skids. They are family.

They also dont really know them. Or they dont see the side of the skids that I see.

When I see stuff that my inlaws post on FB about the skids- sharing a pic, both commenting on a post, etc I feel like I want to step away from the inlaws.

Ya know, when you dont like someone (the skids) you want to dissassociate yourself from everyone that deals with them.

Obviously with DH, I cant do that, nor do I want to do that.

But I dont have strong relationships with inlaws. And when I see them or hear about them going on and on about the skids, my automatic reaction is just to be like :sick: Moving on.....

I dont want to block them from FB, because really the rare post that is shared with the skids (SS is my friend on FB, girl skids are not) is not enough to do that. Yes it annoys me. Does it affect my life drastically. No.

I want to care about my inlaws. It already sucks I dont have the family I want. It already sucks that I have to deal with a shitty relationship with my husband's kids. I would like to get along with my inlaws.

I guess I am just having a hard time seperating the feelings. Of course I dont think its a me or them thing or anything like that.

Its just hard for me to be like OOOHHH I love ya all so much lets have a great relationship when I keep thinking, they are "with my enemies". Not that extreme, but hopefully you guys understand.

Anyone else feel this way or deal with this? How do you get past it?


Evil stepmonster's picture

I check out when the skids are brought up.
My MIL is a difficult woman to be around in the first place. When she starts asking questions about the skids or talks about them in general I just get on my phone and play a game. She once (along with DH's friends, girlfriend) tried to convince me that I should take a leave of absence every summer so I could stay home and watch DH's kids during his summer visit so he wouldn't have to pay for daycare. I told her, well you could as well. Seeing as how most of what you do can be done at home it makes much more sense and then they can have all that time with grandma. She stopped after that but yeah I just check out of the conversation.

godess-clueless's picture

Zerostepdrama, I am an older person, so my opinions come from years of being the grandma and step great grandma. You mentio feeling as if the grandparents are " enemy ." These are their grandchildren. They are going to view the grandchildren in a different light then you.

I have spent the last 20 years watching my own children enter into and leave numerous relationships with different partners. I am sure each to partner saw my grandchildren in a different light then I. These ex partners my own sons and daughters chose are long gone and never would I have been so concerned about their feelings that I would in any way lesson my enthusiasm for my grandkids.

A grandparents gushing feelings toward the grandchildren has nothing to do with the relationship they have with friends or family members that are not blood related. But if you become the person that feels one side must be on your side or they must be the enemy, then it will end up being that way.

zerostepdrama's picture

No I compeletely understand the feelings/relationships. I probably didnt make myself clear in my OP and its mostly my SILs who are close in age to the older girl skids. MIL is as crappy of a grandma as she was a mom.

The overall feeling is that I want nothing to do with the skids (lots of background as to why) and so I kind of dont want to be involved with anyone who is involved with the skids?

zerostepdrama's picture

I am feeling a little sad in terms of family relations. My family on my mom's side- is literally torn apart due to a family fued. Of which I had nothing to do with but am affectted by. Our once huge loving family of many generations is not speaking to each other. Then I think, my relationship with my inlaws isnt much better. I feel that I want to push away from them, only because of how I feel about the skids. Really my SILs are nice and have never done anything to hurt me. Yet I just feel like, I cant be myself because of the relationship with the skids??? idk....

zerostepdrama's picture

Smile I think overall I am feeling dissapointed in my family and the way things turned out. It basically got worse when my Grandma passed in May and she was the only thing holding the 2 sides together. So with her gone, its easier for everyone to be like "It is what it is".

Family has always been HUGE for me.

And I always imagined I would have great inlaws and we would do all these wonderful things together and life would just be all sunshine an rainbows... then I met DH. LOL

zerostepdrama's picture

Right! My family is so open to DH and my BS wants to have a relationship with DH and respects DH and doesnt make life hard for us.

I on the other hand got the opposite in some ways.

kathc's picture

It's hard when they LOOOVVEEE someone who's an asshole to you.

Ignore. Remove them from your newsfeed (don't "follow" them) without deleting them so that it doesn't cause a ruckus...but this way you won't see their skids crap every time you log in.