You are here

How could you hurt your kids like that?

zea.momie's picture

Sorry,  I know this bounces around a lot,  but my thoughts are all over the place right now.  Finally got my sd calmed down and she just passed out on the couch from crying. 

How can you threaten to not let your child see their sibling again if they leave the house.   Really,  how?   She was just trying  to end the fighting and the only way to do that with you was to leave,  she's 18, you can't stop her.   But boy can you threaten and hit her where it hurts.   

Quick recent history:  Sd just recently turned 18 and moved in with her dad and I.  (Has wanted to for a long while now,  but no money for the fight)  No issues with her other than normal teen stuff and being immature for her age.  Which we are working on.  We get on well most of the time and she is very respectful.  She's my Brat, I love her. 

Anyhow, we had an event going on tonight for one of our boys that sd had no interest in attending.   She decided to go to her mom's house for the night to see her little brother over there.   No issues,  her mom picked her up and off she goes.  A few hours later I get a text asking if we are still up.  Of course this sets off all the oh crap what's wrong senses.    End up having to go get her due to her and bm fighting.  Get there to grab her and she loses it in ther car.  The fight was not physical, sd was just standing up for herself,  (as confirmed by bm running out to tell her side,  minus the threats) and finally finding her backbone where her mom is concerned. Sd had enough and wanted to leave.  Bm told her that if she left tonight she might not get to see her little brother again.   

Seriously,  you narcissistic pig.   How the heck can you threaten to do that to your kids.   HOW?  And is not just sd thats hurting, there is a little boy in that house crying his eyes out because of what you said.  Sd saw him crying, heard what he was saying,  but couldn't comfort him.   Sd is seriously more upset about him crying and the fear of her bm turning him against her than anything else. .   She doesn't want to lose him.  And sd knows the PAS is strong with her mom.   She has seen what it did to her older sister.  She has been in therapy herself because of the confusion between what bm was telling her about her dad and I and what she was seeing with her own eyes. 

I mean SD23 right now is on DH and my crap list, has been for years.  Don't trust that girl to tell the truth to Jesus himself in the middle of a church. Have to hide all money and nice things we don't want walking out with her. But I still let her come into my house to see her younger brothers.  I refuse to be the reason they dont have a relationship.  The boys see her for who she is(she has stolen from them) .  Their dad and I don't hide or sugar coat it for them, but keep telling them that hopefully she will grow up and become a better person. They help prepare for her visits,  but they still want to see her and spend time with her.  And until such a time as she is dangerous to them or trying to get them to follow her bad examples she is free to see them.  Either here or in a public location (oldest son has a phone and is responsible enough to watch his little brothers,  so know they are good)    Her place is a health hazard.

I just don't get hurting your own kids like that.   I don't understand it.   I know bm is crazy,  been dealing with it 15 years now.   But just when we get to the finish line and she can't hurt DH anymore,  she turns the crazy control freak focus to sd.  And now we still have to deal with it.  Telling a kid that there is absolutely nothing that she or we can do to make her mom let her see her brother is heartbreaking.   He is only 6, telling her that if she wants to see him she might have to play the same stupid games her mom tried on DH about her is painful.   At least DH had a visitation schedule and bm didn't like the cops showing up.  Sd doesn't have that protection.   Is her against crazy now.   And all we can do is be here for her.   This sucks!!.



justmakingthebest's picture

That is so sick. Sadly though, with personal experiences... I am to surprised. I dont think anything narcissistic BM's who alienate their children do will ever surprise me.

How old is her brother?

zea.momie's picture

He's 6.  So right now old enough to know she loves him,  

justmakingthebest's picture

And young enough that BM still has YEARS to manipulate and even alientate him from his sister saying things like "If she actually cared about you", "She would have stayed if you meant anything to her", etc.

I can totally understand why SD would be so upset, she knows her mother too well.

zea.momie's picture

I feel so sorry for her brother over there.   And I know sd wants the best for him. But right now she is doing what she needs to for her.   She wants the toxic cut to a minimum,  but is trying to balance it to be able to be there for him. 

She is screwed no matter what she does.   

ESMOD's picture

My SD's BM was very emotionally retaliatory with her girls.  They liked "us" too much? they were made miserable.  One time when my adult SD was on a little day trip with her dad and me.. her mother literally blocked her phone number because she "must love her dad more than her mother".

I mean, yes.. she loves her mother still, but she is absolutely wise to the fact that her mother is wrong for the emotional blackmail.  It still hurts when her mom does that kind of stuff to her though. 

I guess some people just need to "win" so badly that they don't care who gets hurt in the mix.

CLove's picture

should definitely NOT be parents. Toxic Troll is one of those as well.