BM stays away if I am out of picture.....
I have noticed something about my situation. If I totally stay out of the picture with bm and away from dh family the bm causes no drama for dh. MIL has a relationship with bm and sees the kids mainly through her, ticks me off-but if she wants to be nicey nice to bm and kiss her a** that is fine.
I have assumed the role of dh wife and that is it, I am not caretaker to sk's, I don't go to family functions of his I just stay away.This seems to keep bm's mouth shut and I don't have to deal with all of the bs. I know it hurts dh at times but he respects my feelings. I tried really hard for 5 years and I love dh dearly but I am tired of trying to fight the situation. I like the quite it provides our household and the times that dh is with his family it gives me and my bc time together or some good needed time for myself. I have let go alot of the situation and found myself feeling better and alot happier.
I am really excited about this year...I am planning on starting my own business and being able to be at home with my family more. I am so excited!!!! I have decided to make this a wonderful year for my family.
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I admire your strength
I admire your strength yesican, but at the same time I find this situation very saddening. I am in a similar situation, BM hangs out with FDH's family, I don't find this appropriate and I am not going to hang out with FDH's family pretending that everthing is okay. I don't agree with their behavior and I am not a total fake like them, willing to put on a smile and pretend this is normal or healthy.... soooo, I stay home alone.... and that's sad.
FDH's family does not like me one bit (largly due to BM) so I stay away. I find it incredilby sad that DH's family won't allow DH to move on and be rid of the bi**h!
So many of us are on here asking why BM doesn't let go and move on with a new life.... but when you throw DH's family supporting BM's clingly behavior into the mix.... and I'm at a total loss.... Why would family do that to one of their own? Why would his own family NOT allow DH to move on with his new family?... Why give that kind of control to BM? I just don't get it.... and I want nothing to do with it.... so I too stay away from FDH's family, I have ZERO respect for them, they are completely fake. They tell FDH, 'we don't have a problem with Conflicted', 'we like Conflicted'.... YEAH RIGHT! FDH doesn't see what I see though.... They are fake and catty, just like BM.... no wonder they're such good friends!
Your situation sounds alot
Your situation sounds alot like mine...MIL thinks it is ok how she is all buddy buddy with bm. I wouldn't have such a problem if bm was nice to dh and worked with him instead of being such a b*tch. DH's family said how horrible bm was when dh and I got together and now that bm has PAS'ed SS out that he refuses to have anything to do with dh and treats dh's family like shit other than if they are giving him something, they think she is all nicey nice and talk highly of her while behind their backs she trash talks them and only uses them for babysitters. DH family is not very bright and dh has confronted them and it does no good, the only relationship he has with family is holidays, other than that they seem to care less, if they want to see grandkids they just get ahold of bm. DH family wants to be that way I am done being nice and holding my tongue if they say something I give them my reasoning and leave it at that because they always make excuses.Just because I love dh and I am married to him doesn't mean I have to be their family too.
...the way I see it, you can either run from it, or learn from it. - The Lion King
Yes, our situations are very
Yes, our situations are very similar. I agree with your points and your attitude on the situation... It's still so sad at the same time. DH should be allowed to move on and start a new life with his new family; one that only involves BM at pick ups and drop offs! I have never been with anyone whose family stayed involved with BM and I gotta say.... it's not fun. I feel badly for FDH because he feels so helpless.... to me it's pretty cut and dry.... I'd write my family off.... BM is a spiteful witch and they remain friends with her?? She is dragging FDH through the mud but they remain friends with her? I would write them off in a heartbeat.... but FDH won't do that... which bothers me as well because to me, his inaction sends a message to them that he's okay with their behavior. He says he's not okay with it and he doesn't agree with it, but then he sits down with them for family events or holidays.... I would write them off until their actions changed.... but that's just me.