When my SO got out of the shower, I told him what happened and he said "Are you sure it was him?"
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

You need to get VERY used to him saying this.

Why, why, why, why are you allowing these people to move into your home?

Just because you love a many, doesn't mean you gave to live with him.

Why, why, why, why are you allowing these people to move into your home?

Just because you love a many, doesn't mean you gave to live with him.

I am trying to picture three toys that are appropriate for a two yr old (typically fairly sturdy toys), yet able to be destroyed in five minutes by a three yr old.

You say your bf was in the shower when all this occurred. So five minutes for him to destroy three brand new toys and a movie, a few minutes that you said th tried talking to him, and then in time out for a few minutes until dad was out of the shower?

Either this kid is satans spawn, or your Dh takes 45 min showers. Either way, do you realty want to live like this?

OK...here is my take on this....1. I believe you have been around this child before and know he is a terror. Put things up and away from him. I know this takes effort but the outcome is worth it. 2. Spend more time watching this child. He is 3 years old for goodness sake... don't assume he is your SO responsibility. It takes a village or at the very least in your case 2 adults to monitor this little boy. 3. 3 year olds boys in almost all situations take advantage of younger children/siblings. They have to be watched...4. It is obvious you don't like this child...so my question to you is why are you staying in this relationship. It is not fair to the child or you or much less to your SO. It is hard enough when you actually like the skids... horrible when you don't. Lastly, if you think it is bad now just wait a few more years..when you are pushing a chair against your door because the kid wants to get you in the night....

I think my first reaction as the mother of a 3 year old boy is that I don't want to throw stones when I'm standing in a glass house! Boys that age act up, they have limited impulse control and in my experience they go through stages where they can be relentlessly naughty and you wonder if all your careful parenting has come to nothing! My DS can be adorably well behaved one week, and the next will deliberately do everything he has been told not to, leaving me feeling totally embarrassed by his behaviour. That's totally normal, it's less normal if the child is constantly naughty, but then it must also be difficult to get an overall picture of a child's behaviour when their life is split between 2 homes.

I think it's a lot for a child that age to deal with, much older children struggle to adapt to the different personalities and rules and atmosphere of different homes, let alone a pre school child. If we feel uncomfortable with the shift between stepchildren in residence and stepchildren not in residence how must they feel, when they don't have the tools or maturity to communicate their feelings about it, other than through acting out. It seems quite likely that he is so thrown by it, that he ends up testing boundaries a lot of the time he's with you, and instead of getting past that stage into better behaviour, he then leaves, and when he comes back its straight back into testing behaviour. I can imagine its very frustrating to deal with. If your DH is attentive and consistent that behaviour may sort itself out as SS3 gets older. 3 months ago I was referring to my DS3 as son of satan as he relentlessly refused to do as he was asked and kept knocking over DS1, but last week he won an award at pre school for his excellent behaviour, so there's just no telling! But it is your DH who is the responsible party, not the 3 year old.

Do you even realize the emotional state of a 3 yr old and what kind of stress they can and cannot deal with. YOU are the adult, you need to stop being so selfish with your love and attention. A child going through the stress of a split up, a new mate for his parent, a new baby to compete with and many other stresses I am sure within your household. He has regressed and is acting out. What he needs is YOU and YOUR POSITIVE attention!!! This child is at an age where he has no idea what the consequences of his actions REALLY are and you can not instill that into him with ignoring him and punishing him right now. All that does is reinforce to his tiny mind and emotions that this is a BAD change for his life and he should continue to act out. DO SOME RESEARCH!!! You sound like someone I would NEVER want for a step parent. This child can be loving and helpful to you if handled correctly within a few short months. First, get everything out of reach that he can break. Second, get down on the floor and spend time with this child. Third, INCLUDE him instead of excluding him from your world. You might find yourself actually amazed and in love with the child quicker than you think, IF you try!!!

You have a golden opportunity here to have a real loving relationship with this child and keep him from becoming a wart to society one day. The direction your mindset is showing here is going to cause several problems that will do nothing but get worse. The first of which is teaching your own small child how to treat people badly. Your own 2 yr old, I am sure you want to grow up to be a loving and caring person, not a bully or jerk. If you are not willing to take the steps to correct YOUR behavior this is going to get worse for you and that 2 yr old will learn that it is ok to be selfish and mean. Anyone that ignores the actions of a child that is in emotional distress doesn't deserve to parent anyone. These are screams for help from this 3 yr old, not meanness or anything like it. This child is barely emotionally more developed than your own.

I have seen children that have a loving environment at home, go to someone else's house to stay and feel awkward and unsure.....they exhibit the same behaviors you are describing this 3 yr old is and it is not something they can control. It is something for the ADULTS to overcome and HELP the child deal with. I am quite sure the parent this lil one lives with would love to hear how you describe and deal with this child. If I was the custodial parent and I saw your emotions towards my child, I would petition whatever court I had to in order to STOP you from being nearing my child.

I am in the process of adopting an almost 4 yr old little boy, that spent 1 1/2 yrs going through three different foster homes and several other stressors. When he came to me he acted just like you describe and worse. I gave positive time with him constantly, put off everything else for him. In just a short couple of months he was a TOTALLY different child on every level. He was helpful, kind, loving and generally wonderful to be around. I have been raising children in my home for 28 yrs and he's not the first to come to me like this and turn around. IT IS YOUR PROBLEM, NOT HIS!!! Fix you and he will follow the leader.

Remember, when you get into a relationship with another adult that already has a child or children, it is your responsibility to be willing to do what it takes or your relationship will be the first thing that suffers with that other adult. You accepted that responsibility when you got into this, now step up and do what you agreed to do by getting into your adult relationship in the first place. A 3 yr old isn't going to grow up overnight, but it sure does sound like you need to.