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Dinner date with SD

WwCorgi7's picture

DH went to dinner tonight with SD. They were having a good conversation and it was going really well until DH asked about where things stand and moving forward. SD said dinner/lunch dates, shopping, helping out with money, and short visits are okay. She asked about help with her drivers permit next year and maybe help with a car. She then told him absolutely no overnight visits, she will not live with him, and she decided she doesn't want to see any of DH's family, our kids, or me.  Lol what a little you know what!

DH was crushed but told her okay well she needs to figure out how to get money, a car, and anything else she needs from her mom because she will not get anymore from him. He called her Aunt and told her to ask BM for money as he will not be paying double anymore. He gave her the insurance card and told her to work it out with SD. The Aunt called him privately and told him no she cannot keep SD but she doesn't want to hurt her feelings. She said she wants her out asap and will try to get her to cooperate. She's not sure what's wrong with SD but that she isn't "normal" ( yeah no kidding).

DH is pissed. I couldn't wait to tell him "I told you so". Yes, it sucks and I feel bad for him but I warned him about her. She is a trash bag like her mother. He let her call the shots all these years and here she is laying out her demands. She only came back because she wanted stuff. DH feels like a fool and rightfully so.

 

Comments

JRI's picture

What a little 8itch.

Felicity0224's picture

I'm speechless. I mean, my SDs have used their dad for money and gifts while not putting any effort into the relationship with him repeatedly. But they at least had the decency to pretend that's not what they were doing. I can't imagine hearing my child say that the only relationship they want with me is purely transactional. Your SD sounds like she is both entitled and cruel. Not a great combination. 

ExhaustedByItAll's picture

Wow. Give me money, buy me a car and go away, I'll see you when I see you. Did she actually think her dad would be ok with that?

And so if aunty wants her out, she won't go to yours and she won't go to BM, where is she going to land? Maybe her new BF's parents will take her!

WwCorgi7's picture

Right. Hell I wish I could tell him to run or atleast not knock her up because she is going to be the most problematic HCBM that ever existed. She's been professionally trained by her psycho mother.

The_Upgrade's picture

So what happens if BM is MIA, aunt wants her out and SD will not go to your family home (not that you’d want her to be around your kids at this point). Is she mentally broken enough for a group home? This isn’t a problem that a few therapy session is gonna fix. Her warped version of reality is terrifying and I shudder to think of her unleashed on the public. 

Kes's picture

Tbh, if it were me, I would be mightily relieved that SD doesn't want to go and live with you.  How come a 14 yr old gets to decide this anyhow?  She sounds like a horrible, money-grabbing, entitled little bitch.  Glad to hear DH is putting up some boundaries. 

WwCorgi7's picture

Well I personally am. I feel bad for DH but our life has honestly been great without her. She was the biggest trouble maker. A 14 year old gets to decide all this because Disney dad let her do whatever she wanted because he was afraid of losing her which ended up happening anyway. BM was a nightmare to deal with and SD morphed into her over the years. It was easier for DH to let them have their way than constantly fight it.

tog redux's picture

Lol. She will let him help with paying for stuff, how wonderful of her!  Sounds like aunt and BM have shot themselves in the foot with their PASing - created a monster neither of them can control. 
 

So glad your DH found his spine and set limits!! That's the positive in all of this. 

justmakingthebest's picture

What a gem!

Count your blessings that she "won't" come live with you. Good for your DH for telling her nope! Keep us updated on how BM takes it when she finds out that SD has to go live with her because she has burned all her other bridges!

SeeYouNever's picture

She wanted to be his sugar baby. She sounds like one of my brother's horrible GFs who was an emancipated minor. Emancipating from her parents sounds like her next step if you refuse to comply to her demands. 

AgedOut's picture

If I were you, and I know you're not me, I'd make it very clear that her moving into your home is not an option to be turned down by her. She is not going to move into your home and cause chaos. One of her options is now off the table. Her behaviors and attitudes have cause you to firmly say "no way in hell" (if I were you)

WwCorgi7's picture

I told my husband that he needs to make a decision. If he is going to take this to court and fight it then he has to tell her this is what is happening and it's final you get no say. At 14 you should be listening to your parents not running your own life. If he doesn't then cool she's out. He is welcome to have a relationship with her outside of the home but no money, gifts, or any help outside of childsupport. If she thinks she can figure out her own life then let her do it all on her own zero help.

I don't want her to live with us. Her and BM have caused so much trouble over the years that I don't want to go back to that. I'm sorry and feel bad if she was abused or whatever went on but that's out of my hands. My kids are normal, respectful, and so kind I don't want her coming in disrupting their lives and having to tip toe around her again.

WampusKat's picture

Show her what life under he bridge looks like. It doesn't seem like this kid was abused. Seems to me she's the one doing the abusing. Her parents raised a monster. No reason for you to hav2e to deal with it now that the kid thinks she gets to call the shots.

missgingersnap2021's picture

Well if I were you I definitely would never want her living under my roof too but honestly aren't you worried that your DH will cave and that she will end up living with you? If she can't live with her mother she hast to live somewhere. I just know my DH talks a good talk but in the end he would always cave and I think most parents would take their children in versus putting them in a group home or having them hit the streets. 
 

if she's only 14 and saying and doing these things I feel like you have a really long hard few years ahead of you.

WwCorgi7's picture

Well she doesn't want to live with us. I really think if it came down to it she would go back to her mom or try the grandparents again. At first when BM dropped her off with the Aunt, the Aunt didn't have room so she gave her to the grandparents. She lived with them for like a week but they are in their 80's and can't take her to the high-school she wanted to go to. So she went back to the Aunt's. Last night her Aunt said SD reached back out to her mom to try to get the childsupport so she won't need DH as much.

Basically everyone is catering to this kid and letting her do whatever the hell she pleases. She picked a high-school way out of her district to attend even though no one could drive her. She wanted money from DH, she got it. She wants to go here or there, someone drops everything to take her. She wanted birth control because she got a boyfriend, she got it. She wants her nails done, gets it. Has free lunch but cries around for lunch money. She's just a big, spoiled, manipulative brat. 

WampusKat's picture

that these kids get it into their heads to play their divorced parents against each other? Tell her to go home to mom and follow the rules. When she can support herself like an adult upon graduating from high school, THAT'S when she gets to call the shots for herself.

Tried out's picture

the birth control! Can you imagine the hell that would be created if she actually got pregnant and decided to keep the kid???

WwCorgi7's picture

I have very little faith in her remembering to take it correctly. She has no sense of personal responsibility. She never took her medicine, lost her expensive retainer right away. She would have her period and just not bring pads in her purse because she didn't feel like grabbing them from the bathroom drawer. She would literally sit there and bleed all over herself and the furniture wherever we were. Then she would play victim because I "should have" known and brought them for her.

CallMeCrazy's picture

What a pain in the a$$. Teen girls are legit the worst little humans. I had one like this once. She was awful. 

Who has legal physical custody of her? 

WampusKat's picture

Drop her off and tell her to follow the rules. THE END. She's playing the adults against each other and it seems to be their own fault for allowing it.

WampusKat's picture

Drop her off and tell her to follow the rules. THE END. She's playing the adults against each other and it seems to be their own fault for allowing it.

Stepdrama2020's picture

Hands down she reaches the top five of the entitled SD's on here. That is a spot very hard to achieve since so many are entitled and b*tchy to the max.

WTH is wrong with all the family that caters to her? SMH

Entitlement is a disease that could be eradicated if only parents and extended families knew how to parent.

hereiam's picture

Well, I'm glad that this dinner has opened your husband's eyes.

My DH has an older, estranged daughter, that I rarely refer to on here, and she was even worse than your SD. She has never believed that DH is her father BUT she sure would call him "Dad" when she wanted something. She thought that he would be so happy with any little crumb, that he would bend over backwards for her. It was too little too late, she had already shown him what she was (a user).

These kids piss me off. "Hey, I don't really want anything to do with you but I do want your money". DH's daughter wanted nothing to do with him for years, but she expected him to buy her a prom dress, a senior ring, etc (he declined). Then, after she turned 18, he didn't hear from her for 2 years, after she had a baby. Guess what she wanted? Gifts for the baby, money for diapers, and a babysitter every weekend.

Frankly, I am glad that she is out of our lives; after she cussed DH out and tried to put a guilt trip on him (wrong thing to do!). It was exhausting.

These men have.to.stop letting themselves be used by their kids.