So SD is back...sort of...a vent
So since I last posted things took a weird turn. SD is now back in the picture sort of. We found out a lot of info at one time and still digging through the lies and processing everything. When SD left over a year and a half ago her main issue was my pregnancy with my daughter and that I would not terminate so she could be the only girl. According to the ex step father and SD, BM sat SD down and told her that DH said he couldn't be a big part of her life anymore because we were having a little girl who needed him more. SD said she felt betrayed and rejected and didn't want to see DH because of everything BM told her. So basically BM made up this sick story.
Fast forward through BM's cheating, divorce, dragging the kids away, going in hiding, contempt of court, abuse, criminal charges, and lawsuits. SD randomly reached out a few weeks ago then went radio silent. DH recieves a call from BM's sister. Apparently when DH filed court papers against BM she took SD and hid her out with her sister to avoid getting in trouble for moving her without court's permission. SD has had zero communication with anyone except the her Aunt who was hiding her from DH. Any communication we have had with SD is said to be BM pretending dating back to July of 2020. SD said BM took her phone away in July 2020 and she wasn't able to talk to anyone. She had no clue about the texts, Easter baskets, anything at all that happened. SD didn't even know when we had the baby.
So now the Aunt wants SD to come live with us permanently. She hid SD because she was hoping BM would get it together and come back to be a mom. BM dropped her other kids off with the ex husband and never came back. SD had not seen BM since around late April. After months of caring for her and no contact with BM the Aunt is done and cannot afford it. BM has been living off the childsupport. The Aunt asked her for money and she mailed her $20. BM also said SD did not have insurance and the Aunt has been paying out of pocket for everything. The Aunt called CPS and has pushed SD to reunite with DH.
SD says she is scared of BM and was abused by BM's newest husband. She claims she was forced to drink alcohol and he "did things" to her. However, she will not say what exactly. She watched BM and her siblings get beaten and lots of drug use. She refuses to see BM. BM found out her sister contacted DH and came immediately to take SD away. SD called DH to come get her so BM couldn't take her. BM told SD she did not want her and the childsupport wasn't worth dealing with drama anymore. She told SD her life was finally fulfilling and free then she left. Dh asked the Aunt why her and the family were lying and she said they were waiting to see if BM would change but finally called him when they realized there was no hope.
Now SD is still living with the Aunt because she wants a "slow" transition to living with us. My husband is waiting until SD is moved in with us before filing papers to get full custody and stop the chuldsupport. However, BM is still getting paid monthly and DH is now paying the Aunt back for taking care of SD. I want my husband to push this along to get her and put her in counseling and stop paying double childsupport. We have heard plenty of stories about the Aunt from SD and she is pretty much the same as BM. For some reason my DH is letting SD call all the shots again.
SD is being super weird about everything. We don't know what she has been through or what exactly has been lies. SD wants to start meeting DH for dinner and the slowly do overnights before fully moving in. She talks daily with DH but it's still odd. She will agree to meet him for dinner then cancel or change dates last minute. She wants to meet the baby but says she is not ready to see anyone else. My husband asked her about her brothers or me and she refuses. She keeps saying it's too soon. She doesn't seem to want to leave her Aunt's house even though the Aunt says she can't care for her.
The Aunt and DH say SD isn't ready because she is painfully shy and she needs lots of time. SD is 14 and just started high school last week. She already has a serious boyfriend of 1 week and begged the Aunt to take her to get birth control. Dh invited SD over to see the baby but she will not come into the house because she isn't ready. She wants to just stand in the street to see her.
I'm so confused about all of this. I feel like my DH is back to being a doormat. I don't entirely believe everything that has been said. I don't want SD to be in a bad situation and feel awful that she has been through some stuff but something needs to happen on paper. This is a huge web of bullshit that we are weeding through. I'm not sure how I feel about the Aunt letting her get so serious with a guy after just 1 week of high school. Dh is just happy to have contact so parenting and common sense is out the window. Dh is now reserving my daughter's room for SD when she is ready but I don't want to be holding onto an empty room again for someone who is playing games.
I just don't trust anyone. This whole thing is so bizarre. Dh is being very secretive about everything. He gets defensive when I am not jumping for joy at every little crumb SD throws his way. He was going off about me needing to step up as mom and be there like a mom. Now he wants me completely uninvolved and wants to co-parent with BM's sister. I don't know how to bring him back down to Earth to handle this like a parent. He believes the Aunt has his back but he forgets she turned her back on him too. She hid her and lied for months. Now she is letting SD run wild and do whatever she wants just 7 days into her freshman year. Dh just says well she is a teenager now but to me there is no excuse to just let a 14 year old have full control and do whatever they want.
I know I can't care more than her parents. I just don't want my life screwed up by her and her bad decisions allowed by her caretakers. In my opinion both Dh and BM failed her at this point. Oh and she is callin and texting every 5 seconds about DH meeting her new boyfriend. It's too soon to see your brothers you grew up with your whole life but not too soon for Dad to meet your boyfriend of a week. Vent over.