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WhereDidIPutMyBroom's picture

Last night, DH came to my house (we have been separated since October). We had been arguing all day about trust. He wants me to trust him. How am I supossed to trust him when he acts so shady. Then all of a sudden he stands up and asks for all of his stuff back. I told him that if he leaves...there will be none of us being friends..no contact with my BS...nothing. He came up and tried to kiss me...when he did I turned away. How in the hell is he gonna try to kiss me in the process of leaving me? I told him again that if he walked out the door...that it would be the end. He looked at me and said "I know...I didn't want it to end this way"...and he left. Sad
Not even a half an hour after he left my house...he changed his FB status to single. I cannot believe how easy it was for him to just leave...especially right at Christmas. Sad
Just a few days ago we were talking about moving back in together and having a family of our own...we have not even used birth control since I moved out. We were planning for our future and so excited about it. How can it be so easy to just walk out? And then, there is still the issues with his SD15 and SD11. I guess I really was living in a fairytale land Sad
So...what am I supossed to do with the gifts I got for him and his girls? Do I take them back? Do I mail it to them?

I am so confused and beyond hurt. I feel so broken ;(

Comments

shielded2009's picture

Wait...Is BS HIS son? If that's true NO contact? Why? That's not cool...

But sorry you're going through this, but if this is the best move for you, you'll get through it and be stronger...

GL!

WhereDidIPutMyBroom's picture

No...he is my son from my first marriage. I would never keep a dad away from his own kid.

shielded2009's picture

Oh okay...I almost fainted!

I really hope for the best for you...Cry as much as you need to, and grieve it all...You'll be stronger in the end!

(((HUGS)))

Aeron's picture

I would return the gifts you got for all of them. He ended it, doesn't seem to really care, why on earth would you send him Christmas gifts? Return and use the money to go to the spa or buy yourself a really nice gift. I'm sorry this has happened for you, but better now than after you had children with the man if this is how he really sees things.

alwaysanxious's picture

I'm so sorry.

Return the gifts. Do not send them to them. Use the money for yourself. I wouldn't do anything that involves contact with him or the skids.

WhereDidIPutMyBroom's picture

Well..I guess I get to download some songs on Itunes...about $100 worth... Wink

I had gotten him tickets to see Fiddler on The Roof...but I am going to go myself and take one of my girlfriends Smile

...I guess there is a silver lining. I am sticking to my no contact...and working on finding my inner-happiness.

msc1120's picture

I am so sorry you are having to go through this, it really sucks. I'm in the same dilema myself. DH and I have only been separated for about 3 weeks though. My whole family has already bought both DH and SS gifts. On one hand I feel that because my family took the time to get them these gifts they should have them, but on the I other I just want to say screw you and give them to someone who is less fortunate since DH says he doesn't even want to try and repair our marriage.

WhereDidIPutMyBroom's picture

Oh..msc...that does suck...but I know..I have been there. I can honestly say with a clear conscious that I tried to make our marriage work. Sometimes things just aren't meant to be. We were separated for 2 months. He asked me to leave the day after I was told that I had a tumor (thank goodness it turned out to be a cyst that has to be watched instead of cancer). He kicked me when I was at my lowest...but I vowed to make it try to work with him. He even came to stay at my house during the weeks that he didn't have his kids. At that point, he had his cake and got to eat it too...and he was on the comfy couch. I changed things...I have even lost 30+ pounds since the end of October. Nothing I did worked. He never changed...he just proceeded to use me. I never thought my best friend would use me like that...it still hurts. I wish I would have never given him those 2 months....if I did, I would be 2 months closer to healing. Anxious has been telling me to move on...and since I am stubborn, I continued pretending everything was OK.

Don't waste another minute on someone who does not treat you well. You deserve better than that. Trust me. I would not give the gifts to them...donate or return them.

Take care of you Smile

alwaysanxious's picture

That tumor thing was really the nail that sealed the divorce coffin shut. He did so wrong on that one.

WhereDidIPutMyBroom's picture

Yeah...I think I was just in denial...no more! I am excited for new beginnings...DRAMA FREE Smile

WhereDidIPutMyBroom's picture

Thanks Anxious

I still have to go back in February, and if the cyst has gotten bigger, they will remove my left kidney...so not out of the woods yet - but staying positive Wink

anafiodorova's picture

I am happy that you are moving on. Most of these men like to have someone there for emotional support to help them in everything that they need. When you need the help and the emotional support - they just donot want to work on it and it is too much effort and according to them it should not be that difficult so they move on to the next victim- a naive woman that feels sorry for them and supports them in ay form and fashion. So the cycle goes with men like that.
I fell pray to one of that type of men. I left after 3 1/2 years - I was about to marry him but after an argument I realized that things will never change and he said he will not help me go through a difficult time. So I left and decided to be stronger, healthier , more successful by myself.
The lesson learned- I COME FIRST. If a man is not able to give me the emotional support that I need - he can see himself through the door. No more compromise , no more poor him I need to help him. NO MORE!
Pick yourself up - go to a spare, take up an excercise , focus on YOUR NEEDS, FEELINGS AND WELL - BEING.
Men like yours and my ex- are not worth it - they do not deserve us . If they did they would have fought to make things better for US and create a strong BOND love and care. They didnot want this - so we have to find the man that is serious and wants that BOND.
I know how you feel - i was there and I have come back stronger than ever. No compromise!YOU COME FIRST!

WhereDidIPutMyBroom's picture

Aww Ana!! I LOVE IT!!!!! Smile Smile Smile i thought I would be an emotional mess today, but I have only teared up a few times. I am actually relieved. I should have done this back in October when he asked me to leave right after I was being tested for cancer. All him and his bloodsucking kids did was leech off of me. My son suffered as a result. At 9 years old, he has actually pleaded with me to NEVER go back there again. He doesn't even ask to see the girls...of whom he was very close to. I have a wonderful young man in my life...MY SON. And I want him to see the right way to treat a woman. Staying in that situation was toxic, and I lost 5 years with my son because someone got jealous. Well...NO MORE!!! Since we separated 2 months ago, my son and I do all kinds of things together..and we are happy. NO WAY would I EVER go back to that hell!!!!

My son and I come first!!

I am working on myself and refuse to be in a relationship for a while. i am determined to find my inner happiness.

In the meantime, since we separated, I have lost 30+ pounds (over 8 weeks) and I have a newfound love for Zumba. i go with my sister and we do not miss a class Smile

I love having the old me and my family back Smile With my family and friends, I have all the emotional support that I need Smile

<3
Broom

anafiodorova's picture

Hey I do ZUMBA too! It is so positive and uplifting. I donot have a kid but my ex and your ex seem to be very similar. I took him from his mother`s basement he had 0 in his bank account coul dnot even pay the overdraft charge so I paid it for him. To 3 1/2 years late - he is finishing a Masters degree this spring , has a steady student income of 1, 200 usd a month ( for a student this is a great deal provided he sits inside and does nothing for this money) plus he got 8 ,000 usd scholarship money. I supported him through all of this with advice, wrote his Masters application package, submitted it with him , wrote his papers, took his tests and gave him encouragement. I cooked fo rhim nurtured him etc. All of it. Only to be told two weekes before we were to sign a marriage license that he does not care if his daughter texts him at 7 p.m and he enjoys the texting even if the BM is behind it. Oh, I must be jelous of the daughter and the BM?! Give me a break - the BM is a white trash with 9 th grade degree that is on welfare and monitored by a social worker weekly. Also bipolar, alkoholi , smokes and has seizures. Shoudl I continues - oh dates jailbirds etc but on her facebook she and her daughter quote the bible and present themselves as the purest god loving souls on this planet.
I could not sign a marriage license after his defense behaviour. After teh argument he locked himself in the bedroom and would not talk or communicate with me. Of course all of this escalated to me leaving and finding a new place. He counted on the fact that I donot have family in this country and would not be able to move by myself. Ha- I did it and have proven to be stronger than ever. It was only when I left that I realized how free , light and happy I am.
His daughter did a prank call on my phone at 1 a.m in the morning that scared me so much. We were in a warming up period at that time. I just donot think that users and abusers like my ex adn your ex should ever be anywhere close to us. We deserve better and we are worth more!!!
Trust me it does get better and NO CONTACT is the way to go !
NO MORE! IT IS YOU THAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON! YOU - YOUR FAMILY, PARENTS BROTHERS , SISTERS!PEOPLE THAT TRULY LOVE YOU AND TAKE CARE OF YOU WITH LOVE AND COMPASSION!
LOVE YOURSELF!!!! FOCUS ON YOU!
When he left he told me Good bye and he will love me forever and if I need something to call him. I said farewell you will have a long time to wait for that phonecall.
NO MORE USERS! NO COMPROMISES! RESPECT YOURSELF MORE THAN ANYONE ELSE!KNOW YOUR WORTH!

WhereDidIPutMyBroom's picture

Ana,

Wow..they are a lot alike! You know...I think it's funny that my husband within 30 minutes of telling me he was done posted that he was single on FB...and out of 1725 "friends" NOONE commented or liked it AT ALL...In fact...his friends started contacting ME!!! They said he has made a HUGE mistake...but it's too late for him. I've moved on Wink

Hang in there!!

Broom

anafiodorova's picture

Yes Broom they are the same person. When he was sick I will be beside his bed and take care of his cold and flu. When I was sick I will hear - I donot like sick people. I had to take care of myself. When my wisodm tooth was removed I needed warm compresses. He did not like to help me with that because his hands were getting burned from the hot water so I had to do my hot compresses by myself- I was intruding to him watching TV . He just did not want to watch the hot water and give me hot compresses. He did not care.
His brother is happy that we are not together because his brother never liked or wanted to see him happy. However , his brother told him that he will miss my crepes. His mother , daughter and BM are jumping from joy I am sure. When we were in a warming up period he asked me why the neighbours are looking at him strangely and was afraid that I have told them anything. No I did not tell them anything - they just know and see what a great person I am. The woman from teh apartment complex also did not like him - he thought that I have told her something - no I have not just people can see you and can see me.
His grandmother wanted to see me and talk to me. She has always liked me. I am sure she would not like to hear that we are broken up. She is the only woman with a common sense in his family. Last time I saw her she told me - BE BRAVE!. I just could not be brave enough. I have dignity and self - respect. I can not live with a man that will lock himself up anytime there is a problem with his precious. As a husband he needs to have my back and say - yes it is not right to text me at 7 p.m. I will call and end it right now because I just spend teh weekend with my daughter for alone time and movies. You are my future and I care about your feelings. Nothing of the sort - just insults that I am jelous and weird smiles and laugh in my face. Well, I am the last one laughing now!
NO NO NO ! NEVER COMPROMISE YOURSELF! He came back but he never thought he has done anything wronng - he just texted his daughter. In his eyes - I am the evil bitch that cannot deal with his precious! So now he is on the look out for another naive woman to use and abuse until he gets what he needs. His advice to me was to move on and date . He thinks that if I date I will come back to him because no body will treat me better than him. When I left I was repeating in the car - I will date , meet a nice guy , get married and have children. I had to keep my sanity. I had to pick myself up and be my happy me again. His drama. carzy family and weird daughter destroyed parts of my happiness. I am regaining all of this back!
NEVER EVER WILL I ALLOW THIS! BROOM , DONOT ALLOW THIS ANYMORE! EVER ! BE HAPPY BY YOURSELF AND FIND A MAN THAT ADORES YOU RESPECTS YOU AND LOVES YOU NOT ONLY WITH WORDS BUT ALSO SHOWS IT IN HIS ACTIONS! LOOK AT WHAT HE DOES NOT WHAT HE SAYS! MY EX WAS GOOD WITH WORDS AND WAS FOOLING ME ALONG FOR A LONG TIME!

I have promised myself to be the BEST myself that I can be : to write the best dissertation, to be the best daughter, sister and the best friend to my friends. I have promised myself to never ever allow a man like him to make me compromise my integrity and ethical standards. He lied to his professor that he is married to me. People respect me so they shook his hand and congratulated him. H emade up a date on which we were not even engaged. Now at the end of teh semester he got a CONGRATULATIONS card from the professor and his class. Yep - talking about a user and manipulator. That is what this guy is ! Sad part is that this prfessor will oversee his masters defense - boy do I want to see her asking where I am Smile . I would like to see the lies that he will make up.Anyway - BE HAPPY , BE HEALTHY! GO SHOPPING WITH FRIENDS!
I bought a sexy skirt and fancy panthyhose plus a sexy pair of earrings . Do your hair , get a facial . NURTURE YOURSELF!CARE FOR YOURSELF! LOVE YOURSELF!YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
These men are everywhere - now we know how to avoid them!

Most Evil's picture

Unbelieveable what he has done. What an ass.! It sounds like he is just saying he is ready to date again??!!!!!

I am sorry honey. You deserve much better than this!!!!

Return the gifts and buy yourself something nice instead!!!!! Do not reward such behavior!!!

Dragonflyo226's picture

I saw that you posted a reply on my blog & just wanted to let you know how sorry I am for you as well. What a great time of year to have to be going through this. Too bad we don't live near one another, we could comisserate...lol
This is for the best, we deserve to be treated with love, and consideration, and nothing less. Stay strong & know that this too shall pass.

WhereDidIPutMyBroom's picture

Aww Dragon...If I am ever up your way, I will let you know!

We do deserve to be treated better. My DH's recent actions prove what my friends have been telling me for months now...he only cares about himself and will never change. He is purposly doing things to get at me. I have since deactivated my FB account for a while. He can't hurt me if he has to platform. As far as he is concerned...I have fallen off of the face of the earth....and he has to me. It hurts...but it HAS to be this way for me to heal. It's HIS loss.

I will find happiness within myself....and I am on my way Wink

WhereDidIPutMyBroom's picture

Ahhh...I'm already there....I deactivated my account. We have so many mutual friends that I didn't need anyone spying on me.

Last night convinced me to do that. He had changed his relationship status to single (30 minutes after he ended it with me) and his snotty little daughter went out there and liked it...and then told him that she loved him. I know I shouldn't have, but I commented "wow...just wow", and she comes back "he's hurting right now and I am supporting him...so yeah wow". WHAT A SNOTTT!!! I told her that he wasn't the only one...I am hurting too...then he "checked in at the sporting event that I was supossed to go with him to...with his ex's sister!!!! I WAS FURIOUS...but NOT shocked. He has me mostly blocked...but he made certain that information was public. Then the more I thought about it, I knew that I had to deactivate my FB to move on. It hurt. But...it's ok, my close friends know my email and text me all the time instead of FB.

Today..we are planning a girls trip to Cancun using OUR timeshare Biggrin Why the hell not? I still pay for half of it!!! And at the rate I am losing weight (33 pounds in 9 weeks) I will TOTALLY be able to rock out a bikini by March! Biggrin

Taking care of me and NOT looking back!

Broom

alwaysanxious's picture

You can always make a new one later and completely block him so he can't see that you even have an account. That's how I have BM set up in mine.