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im about to become one of THOSE BM's......help!

welcome2BatesMotel2's picture

i have tried reallyyyyyy hard to not become one of those BM's on here that we all complain about..you know the crazy, self centered, pyscho, mouthy exW...buttttttttt....there is only so much i can sit back and take..when it comes to MY OWN children, i am very protective..step on my toes or cross THAT line, and you best bet i will strike like a cobra...first off, the exH is being a complete douchbag lately..i had to work easter Monday, so i let my DH watch my kids since he was home and they had no school...i was at work for only about an hour when i got a text from exH asking "who has MY girls since you are at work?"...i NEVER told exH i had to work that day!!!! :? he rode by my house and noticed my car gone..im guessing he rode by my work next and saw my car there???...who does he think he is?..who does shit like that?..so when i text him back and told him DH had them, exH started ranting about how the girls should be with him instead..we got into a pretty heated arguement about it...well guess exH didnt like what i had to say, so he actually went to MY house to talk to my DH.. :jawdrop: ...yes, thats right, exH came to MY house uninvited just because DH was watching the girls...what the hell is my exH problem?????...all my exH wants is for my girls to be around him and his GF ALL the time..he shoves his GF down my kids throats, but yet it seems like he doesnt want my girls to have any kind a relationship with my DH...any one else see a double standard here?????... :sick: ...and ive started to notice that his GF is starting to try to act like MY girl's mom...you know that this will not end well for that Sewer Tramp if she keeps her shit up....

Comments

asheeha's picture

Do you have a court order? Was it your court order appointed time with them? If so it is none of your ex's business who you entrust to care for them.

Call the police next time he steps foot on your property if he's bold enough to do this again. Make sure to have your court ordered visitation schedule in hand.

Just my $.02

bulletproof's picture

BM tried to pull the whole "SS should be with his bio parents only whenever possible" bullshit on us last year around this time, because SS has always been with me during breaks from school. I'm a teacher--it makes sense. It was just the first time she cared to have SS around her on DH's days when he was off school, because it enabled her to PAS more!

bearcub25's picture

It cracks me up when BMs don't really want their kids with them until the skids enjoy being with the SM, then Katy Bar the Door.

BM said she would keep SD during spring break, the week after Easter. Since BM can't keep them for 36 hours w/o 2000 phone cals they are fighting and to come get them, I took the week off work just in case shit hit the fan and SD had ot come home.

Somehow BM was able to keep SD all week w/o any phone calls or pleading for DSO to come get SD. Now this weekend, the phone will be ringing off the hook by 8am Saturday to come get 1 of the skids.

But I got a week off of work WITHOUT ANY KIDS!

RedWingsFan's picture

That's BULLSHIT! Sounds to me like it may just be time to go all psycho BM on him. Unless it's specified in the CO that the girls are to be with him on your days off, he has no argument!

Call him out on his crap and tell him he can fuck off.

bulletproof's picture

I do need to note, though---and L you know that this is NOT pointed at you, because I love yah, it is just to prove a point to those who chastise me---that when I posted to vent about BM trying to take SS on DH's days because he was going to be with me (and no--it is NOT in their CO that they need to do this), I got my ass handed to me because it was "BM's RIGHT to have her kids on DH's days when he wasn't going to be around." I got "right of first refusal" thrown in my face (even though our home state doesn't have that) and everything.

I totally support you (as seen in my comment), just think it's BS that things are always so contradictory here.

RedWingsFan's picture

^^I agree and am guilty of it myself sometimes...playing the double standard. I didn't have an issue with you, per se, and don't with the OP either and agree that people tend to look at the BM as the enemy.

I am BM first to my DD15, even though she doesn't live with me, but I swear I do things for my kid that I'd ream DH's ass for if he did for stepdevil. Mostly because she is a bitch and doesn't deserve it, but also mostly because yes, I do admit I can be wrong and play the double standard card. Fuck it, I'm human. I hate hypocrites but find I'm guilty of that sometimes too!

bulletproof's picture

I totally get that it's human nature, but I seriously got my ass chewed for calling shenanigans on BM doing that. And here we are, a year later--a year after I told everyone she was starting her PAS nonsense hardcore at that time--and everyone agrees she was and is PASing (I know that isn't a verb but I'm making it one! lol)

I should go back and find the post so you can see it. It's really ridiculous.

RedWingsFan's picture

I hear ya honey. Sometimes people are wrong. I try to admit when I am, every single time, to remain true to myself. I would love to read the ridiculousness (I just thought of that show and smiled, LOVE IT)

PeanutandSons's picture

This issue seems to have some of one opinion and some on the other. I can see the logic in both schools of thought.

I guess for me it really comes down to whether the parent is custodial or if the parents gets visitation. And how long the child will be in someone else's care. If we are talking about a weekday visit to the non custodial and he won't be there then I think mom should get first right of refusal. If its the home the child lives in primarily, then I think there nothing wrong with leaving the kid with a care giver rather than carting them off to dads every time mom has something to do.

I don't see this as black and white of an issue as some.

welcome2BatesMotel2's picture

we dont really have a CO...we only had seperation papers drawn up during our separation...nothing has been filed through the court system nor has anything been signed off by a judge...our "seperation" papers were NOT added into our divorce decree either..we have nothing "written" in black or white as far as when who has the kids at what times..it was just an argeement amoungest ourselves for right now...it has been 50/50 since we seperated and divorced 3 years ago....it just the fact that the douchebag showed up at my house cause the girls were staying with DH instead of him and his GF..apparently exH watches my house like a hawk..knows when im working even though i dont tell him...he is a stalker...im about to break out a 50-B on his dumbass if he keeps his shit up...

RedWingsFan's picture

The judge approved a divorce with minor children and no parenting plan? Weird.

This is tough indeed. I'd definitely get a CO in place that way you have legal rights and something to fall back on in case your ex decides to up the anty.

Second_Try's picture

Ugh, this is hard.

First, stalking around isn't okay. Second, driving over to talk to your H is inappropriate.

I would calmly tell your xH that if he wants to follow the "first right of refusal rule" then he's going to need to make sure that anytime you are available and he's not (even if his GF is over) that he will also be driving your children over to you. Most of the time when someone finds a rule that benefits them they want to follow it, until they realize it goes both ways and requires additional effort on their part.

welcome2BatesMotel2's picture

my exH NEVER reciprocates back to me...ever....if i have to work on my time, then he gets them..but he NEVER gives them to me if he is at work and im at home...never....see the double standard?

bulletproof's picture

L, he can't follow the right of first refusal if your state doesn't recognize it. I'd check that out and throw it in his face. That's what we did to BM, and she shut her cock holster.

myspoonistoobig's picture

Even if tensions are high, you do not need to become one of "those" BMs. All you will do is make a bad situation worse.

However, it sounds like a CO would be more than beneficial. I'd recommend getting one, and then sticking to it. Make it as detailed as possible. The less left to "mutual cooperation" the better.

asheeha's picture

my only suggestion is document document document

this guy seems like a real wild-card.

Bojangles's picture

How much time does your ex-h actually have with his children? It seems odd that he would be so worked up over access unless he felt that he was losing out. He overstepped the mark going to your house in your absence but without knowing all the background I have to say that I can't help but see this from my DH's perspective. He didn't get as much time with his children as he wanted, and definitely got frustrated when BM was out or at work and instead of occasionally giving him and the children the opportunity to spend the time together, chose to leave them with her boyfriend. It would have been better for the children to have more time with their Dad. Plus a lot of stepparents resent being left to supervise visitation when the bio parent isn't even around - there's another thread on that very issue today. There's just a lot of different sides to this issue.

whatwasithinkin's picture

lmfao in this house I am rhe anti christ to bm and sd17. sd13 is not allowed and will not speak to me in their presense. but bm forces sd13 to call her step father daddy

Onefootout's picture

I don't see any danger of any posters in this blog becoming one of 'those' BM's. 'those' BMs are borderline narcissists. BMs who get protective because some manipulative GF starts stirring up trouble by overstepping mom boundaries are simply human. And I am not a BM and have no incentive to automatically stick up for BMs.

And I also have no desire to play mommy to my SS. I even wish he didn't hate is mom so much. But she's one of 'those' BMs.

hereiam's picture

Do you think they have cool outfits? I hope I get a cool outfit.

That is my new favorite, Sewer Tramp.