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im about to become one of THOSE BM's......help!

welcome2BatesMotel2's picture

i have tried reallyyyyyy hard to not become one of those BM's on here that we all complain about..you know the crazy, self centered, pyscho, mouthy exW...buttttttttt....there is only so much i can sit back and take..when it comes to MY OWN children, i am very protective..step on my toes or cross THAT line, and you best bet i will strike like a cobra...first off, the exH is being a complete douchbag lately..i had to work easter Monday, so i let my DH watch my kids since he was home and they had no school...i was at work for only about an hour when i got a text from exH asking "who has MY girls since you are at work?"...i NEVER told exH i had to work that day!!!! :? he rode by my house and noticed my car gone..im guessing he rode by my work next and saw my car there???...who does he think he is?..who does shit like that?..so when i text him back and told him DH had them, exH started ranting about how the girls should be with him instead..we got into a pretty heated arguement about it...well guess exH didnt like what i had to say, so he actually went to MY house to talk to my DH.. :jawdrop: ...yes, thats right, exH came to MY house uninvited just because DH was watching the girls...what the hell is my exH problem?????...all my exH wants is for my girls to be around him and his GF ALL the time..he shoves his GF down my kids throats, but yet it seems like he doesnt want my girls to have any kind a relationship with my DH...any one else see a double standard here?????... :sick: ...and ive started to notice that his GF is starting to try to act like MY girl's mom...you know that this will not end well for that Sewer Tramp if she keeps her shit up....

Comments

asheeha's picture

Do you have a court order? Was it your court order appointed time with them? If so it is none of your ex's business who you entrust to care for them.

Call the police next time he steps foot on your property if he's bold enough to do this again. Make sure to have your court ordered visitation schedule in hand.

Just my $.02

RedWingsFan's picture

That's BULLSHIT! Sounds to me like it may just be time to go all psycho BM on him. Unless it's specified in the CO that the girls are to be with him on your days off, he has no argument!

Call him out on his crap and tell him he can fuck off.

PeanutandSons's picture

This issue seems to have some of one opinion and some on the other. I can see the logic in both schools of thought.

I guess for me it really comes down to whether the parent is custodial or if the parents gets visitation. And how long the child will be in someone else's care. If we are talking about a weekday visit to the non custodial and he won't be there then I think mom should get first right of refusal. If its the home the child lives in primarily, then I think there nothing wrong with leaving the kid with a care giver rather than carting them off to dads every time mom has something to do.

I don't see this as black and white of an issue as some.

welcome2BatesMotel2's picture

we dont really have a CO...we only had seperation papers drawn up during our separation...nothing has been filed through the court system nor has anything been signed off by a judge...our "seperation" papers were NOT added into our divorce decree either..we have nothing "written" in black or white as far as when who has the kids at what times..it was just an argeement amoungest ourselves for right now...it has been 50/50 since we seperated and divorced 3 years ago....it just the fact that the douchebag showed up at my house cause the girls were staying with DH instead of him and his GF..apparently exH watches my house like a hawk..knows when im working even though i dont tell him...he is a stalker...im about to break out a 50-B on his dumbass if he keeps his shit up...

RedWingsFan's picture

The judge approved a divorce with minor children and no parenting plan? Weird.

This is tough indeed. I'd definitely get a CO in place that way you have legal rights and something to fall back on in case your ex decides to up the anty.

Second_Try's picture

Ugh, this is hard.

First, stalking around isn't okay. Second, driving over to talk to your H is inappropriate.

I would calmly tell your xH that if he wants to follow the "first right of refusal rule" then he's going to need to make sure that anytime you are available and he's not (even if his GF is over) that he will also be driving your children over to you. Most of the time when someone finds a rule that benefits them they want to follow it, until they realize it goes both ways and requires additional effort on their part.

welcome2BatesMotel2's picture

my exH NEVER reciprocates back to me...ever....if i have to work on my time, then he gets them..but he NEVER gives them to me if he is at work and im at home...never....see the double standard?

myspoonistoobig's picture

Even if tensions are high, you do not need to become one of "those" BMs. All you will do is make a bad situation worse.

However, it sounds like a CO would be more than beneficial. I'd recommend getting one, and then sticking to it. Make it as detailed as possible. The less left to "mutual cooperation" the better.

asheeha's picture

my only suggestion is document document document

this guy seems like a real wild-card.

Bojangles's picture

How much time does your ex-h actually have with his children? It seems odd that he would be so worked up over access unless he felt that he was losing out. He overstepped the mark going to your house in your absence but without knowing all the background I have to say that I can't help but see this from my DH's perspective. He didn't get as much time with his children as he wanted, and definitely got frustrated when BM was out or at work and instead of occasionally giving him and the children the opportunity to spend the time together, chose to leave them with her boyfriend. It would have been better for the children to have more time with their Dad. Plus a lot of stepparents resent being left to supervise visitation when the bio parent isn't even around - there's another thread on that very issue today. There's just a lot of different sides to this issue.

whatwasithinkin's picture

lmfao in this house I am rhe anti christ to bm and sd17. sd13 is not allowed and will not speak to me in their presense. but bm forces sd13 to call her step father daddy

Onefootout's picture

I don't see any danger of any posters in this blog becoming one of 'those' BM's. 'those' BMs are borderline narcissists. BMs who get protective because some manipulative GF starts stirring up trouble by overstepping mom boundaries are simply human. And I am not a BM and have no incentive to automatically stick up for BMs.

And I also have no desire to play mommy to my SS. I even wish he didn't hate is mom so much. But she's one of 'those' BMs.

hereiam's picture

Do you think they have cool outfits? I hope I get a cool outfit.

That is my new favorite, Sewer Tramp.