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DH finaly Sees it!

VioletsBlu's picture

So my 19 SD moved back to MBs house.....and since we havent seen her for a few mths we wanted to go for a beach day as we have 2 litrle ones so we thought wed have a little visit...My SD msges DH and she wants us All to come to her moms/grammas house....Um what? ...My husband replies that we arent into comimg to that house...even if its just outside by the lake...Like we have to use the bathroom amd we arent fucking going inside Her house..Ever!! Lol...So he says it needs to be a neutral there is a beach few minutes away we can all go to....have bbq picnic and a visit...Reasonable rt?

Well SD re0lies that she can NOT leave her gramma and Grampa alone (grampa has cancer) and she is there 100% of the time...Her mom is away ....So DH is like ...OK...lets do it when your mom comes back so u can leave for couple of hrs...Nope...she still gets upset....makes a post on FB yadda yadda....But the poi t of all this is that DH said "She is basicaly turning INTO her Mom!" ...She creates drama out of a smallest thing....gets upset and spews same shit her mom spewed all of these years...and Im lime "Yes!! YES! You are starting to See it...Finaly!!"....I didnt really say it out loud...but I am glad he is seeing i!! It was a nice little validation that He is now aware of it too...she is a Clone of her mothers 


VioletsBlu's picture

Me TOO!! He can't Stand BM and SD acting like her will juat make everyone see her true collors finalu...something Ive seen Looooomg time ago but everyone turned blind eye....She spews same shit at DH like her.mother did when she was little.....Its so upsetting hear that ...because I Know none of its true but she was brain washed by BM and nothing we can do about that now

thinkthrice's picture

not to agree TOO much when he "gets" it.  Otherwise he'll do the patented 180 and feel guilty again for such thoughts.

Try not to let the mental backflips and schadenfreude show up on your face or tongue.

Put on a sad face and say "such a difficult spot to be in."

Stay general, neutral then try to change the subject.

JRI's picture

Your DH was being more insightful than he knew, I bet.  As I read your post, I was thinking about our volatile BM who had a pattern of getting mad and fighting with SD, then making up later.  These fights were very upsetting as I overheard them.  I had never seen a mother and daughter act that way.  Some of the things that were said were ugly.  They would be on the outs for a few weeks then make up.  I see SD doing the same with her daughters.

I thought about BM and I guessed this was a generations-long pattern within her family.  What Im getting at is, your SD has learned how to act from BM so dont be surprised if you see the same behavior patterns.



VioletsBlu's picture

Oh she is her BMs so many ways...its why I find hard to bond with her...or be in her presence...we have Nothing in common...Not a Thing

shamds's picture

Untul he falls back into regular denial and says I didn’t say that blah blah blah... thats when i screenshot prior messages he sent me of this to remind him of the truth and he cannot back out.

because often guilty daddy falls back and he pressures me to let it go that skids apologized, no they did not... they told you what you want to hear but nothing about their a tio has changed and i will not have our kids subjected to this yoyo dysfunctional relationship with them