not to agree TOO much when he "gets" it.  Otherwise he'll do the patented 180 and feel guilty again for such thoughts.

Try not to let the mental backflips and schadenfreude show up on your face or tongue.

Put on a sad face and say "such a difficult spot to be in."

Stay general, neutral then try to change the subject.

Your DH was being more insightful than he knew, I bet.  As I read your post, I was thinking about our volatile BM who had a pattern of getting mad and fighting with SD, then making up later.  These fights were very upsetting as I overheard them.  I had never seen a mother and daughter act that way.  Some of the things that were said were ugly.  They would be on the outs for a few weeks then make up.  I see SD doing the same with her daughters.

I thought about BM and I guessed this was a generations-long pattern within her family.  What Im getting at is, your SD has learned how to act from BM so dont be surprised if you see the same behavior patterns.

Untul he falls back into regular denial and says I didn’t say that blah blah blah... thats when i screenshot prior messages he sent me of this to remind him of the truth and he cannot back out.

because often guilty daddy falls back and he pressures me to let it go that skids apologized, no they did not... they told you what you want to hear but nothing about their a tio has changed and i will not have our kids subjected to this yoyo dysfunctional relationship with them