:jawdrop:
Please tell me the best way to handle a VERY rude, angry, sarcastic and violent 9 year old boy who never learns from his mistakes. His mother never punishes him for punching people for no reason, constantly insults me for no reason, lies about his father for no reason and tells me lies for no reason (other than I think he is addicted to trauma and likes the chaos and arguing) .... and is a genuine nightmare to be in his company. I try to find reasons not to be home when my husband has visitation now. At first, I tried really hard, but after I see it makes no difference at all, avoidance is the best way to keep my sanity. I even offered to teach the child to read and his mother won't allow it. She is one of those sad ex-wives that manipulates her children to redirect anger at her ex-husband.

Because the child is "mildly autistic" ... both parents say "he can't help it and he doesn't know any better " ... as dumb as that sounds ... by the way you can see the kid scheme things and tries to hurt people. All you need to do is walk into a room and he will insult you, anyone you know and make you miserable by talking a bunch of bullshit. He will hide a knife under his shirt, whistle around the house and later I will find something with a knife puncture in it. He also will chew gum and then put it under our couch instead of throwing it out. He knows exactly what he is doing.

Because I am a "step-parent" I have no say in anything and his real mother is a raging lunatic. Once she called the police to try and arrest her ex for breaking into her house. We were swimming in our own pool while she fabricated this story. So -- keep in mind this is the person raising this child -- I obviously have no chance with changing things in her parenting skills. I totally want to stay away from this child. He once punched his father in the face while he was driving. Just because his father said "no" to something he wanted.

I get stomach aches and headaches from the thought of spending time with this kid. It is always a bad experience. I try art projects, fun things, etc and it only lasts for an hour or so until he goes back to his asshole self. It is just so hard to listen to the words that come out of his mouth.

Can someone please verify for me that staying away is the best thing for me? For my own sanity? I love my husband, but feel it is unfair for me to be constantly put on the firing line. I feel that he should spend time with his son without me until this child can behave himself. My husband says "if I loved him - i would share in his pain" ... I just don't think that is healthy for our relationship. Everything that comes out of his kid's mouth makes me judge him as a father and makes me look down upon his real mother to raise a child like this.

Handicapped kids are taught right from wrong -- they are also taught manners. This kid is not handicapped. He is just a raging asshole and is only 9. I won't be able to tolerate him as he gets older and meaner.

My husband's second child is actually nice, and mildly autistic as well. We see him separately on different days because the 2 kids together fight non-stop.

When my husband takes his kid home early for bad behavior, I comfort him and am on his side. However, when I need to remove myself from his badly behaved child, I am "insensitive" and should be more understanding. ???

Why are step mothers always held to different standards?

Any ideas?