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wills regarding skids and bio kids

unknown's picture

Submitted by unknown on Sat, 07/05/2008 - 9:46am

i have a question for you guys. recently my DH and i did our wills. our biodaughter (1) is with us and his son (12) lives with his mother and his stepdad. when we did our wills, my DH was adamant that we split everything half and half between SS12 and biodaughter 1. i asked why and his answer was 'it wouldn't be fair.' and i replied, 'but if we were to both die at the same time, SS12 has his mother and stepdad to support him and take care of him. his needs will be looked after. our daughter will have NO parents left and will need all the help she can get! can we not split it 60/40?' this caused a big fight and i gave in.

it really really bugs me. can i get some input here?

Comments

kr500lover's picture

Submitted by kr500lover on Sat, 07/05/2008 - 10:01am

Before I would approach DH about the issue again, I would seek out maybe one or two attorneys who deal with this and see what the "norm" is and then present the "facts" to him....but my initial reaction would be 50/50 as well....the only other question is if something happens to both of you, who will be the SS guardian?

unknown's picture

Submitted by unknown on Sat, 07/05/2008 - 10:37am

so obviously, his mother would be the guardian. he only visits us EOW. we pay a ton in child support and his mother and his stepdad are wealthy. so, my problem is: would SS 'need' our money to live? i mean, i'm not suggesting we give him nothing. but aren't the proceeds from your will to your children, especially while they are little, meant to help sustain them should their parents both perish? 50/50 just doesn't seem right. maybe when they are both 'adults' (the kids), a 50/50 split would make more sense. but right now, i worry about our daughter should we both die and how she would make it. SS, would have his mother and stepdad and all their money plus half of our money. see what i mean?

Just trying to be a Stepmom without getting Stepped On.

unknown's picture

Submitted by unknown on Sat, 07/05/2008 - 11:11am

should we both die at the same time, SS12 gets half of our life insurance policy. now, it is my understanding that money from life insurance policies are also meant to help support the children and give them an income in order for them to survive once their parents are gone. this also, doesn't sit well with me. i mean, our daughter would obviously need the money to live, but SS would already be taken care of and i'm concerned he would just blow the money on material things....

Just trying to be a Stepmom without getting Stepped On.

StepLightly's picture

Submitted by StepLightly on Sat, 07/05/2008 - 1:55pm

Those guys have all the options and answers...and ways to make it fair so that your BD won't have to deal with SS....

ColorMeGone2's picture

Submitted by ColorMeGone2 on Sat, 07/05/2008 - 2:06pm

This is for everything from how much we spend on gifts to life insurance... we figure out how much we have going to our two, then set aside half that for the skids. Reason is the same as what you pointed out... the skids get from two sets of parents while our kids only get from one set of parents. But I'm blessed with a DH who sees that it's not fair to punish our two for having an intact family and not necessary to overcompensate the skids for being children of divorce.

________________________________________________________________

ANNE 8102 ♥ GEORGIA

bellacita's picture

Submitted by bellacita on Sat, 07/05/2008 - 3:17pm

and i think you both have great points...if u both die, god forbid, ur little girl will need taken care of. ur SS will still have his mom and that family, so i think the way anne does it sounds perfectly fair.

"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin

unknown's picture

Submitted by unknown on Sat, 07/05/2008 - 9:08pm

i really like anne's and her DH's way of seeing things. i will try talking to my DH about this idea, but something tells me it will turn into another big 'why don't you like my son?' fight. #$@!!

Just trying to be a Stepmom without getting Stepped On.

StepLightly's picture

Submitted by StepLightly on Sun, 07/06/2008 - 9:26pm

Our estate planner explained it like this "These 3 kids were from DH and BM's union, which was settled in their divorce, instead of settled by death, and these children (ours together) are from your union now, which will be settled upon your deaths." So...my DH has a separate life insurance policy for his 3 kids from his previous marriage (similar to Cru's).

frustratedinMA's picture

Submitted by frustratedinMA on Mon, 07/07/2008 - 1:42pm

I would explain that YOUR estate should go to YOUR child together.. HIS estate should be shared amongst ALL his children.. so his estate should be split 50/50, yours should soley go to her. So.. if you own the house together, that is 50% yours and 50% his. Your daughter therefore should get 75% of the house (Your 50% and 1/2 of his 50%). Plain and simple.

I would also go out and buy another insurance policy to cover expenses for JUST your daughter.. Tell him , dont tell him, doesnt matter, I would just do it. Take out a $500k in case on both you and your dh and leave it all to her. Have her as the owner of the policy, and make the payments. That is what I would do, should my dh insist on a 50/50.

unknown's picture

Submitted by unknown on Thu, 07/10/2008 - 11:28am

and if i were to take out a separate policy just for her, he would know about it and the argument would start. here's crossing our fingers that we both don't die a the same time.

Just trying to be a Stepmom without getting Stepped On.