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SD14 hinting at moving in again….

Unfreakingreal's picture

SD14 has been with us since Friday. Whatever, I leave for work and only have to see her for a few hours a day anyway, so I deal. Monday, I come home to find that once again, she ate all of GB's Gerber snacks. She was also sitting outside on the deck wrapped in GB's cable knit throw that I keep on her chair in her nursery. My blood was boiling but I simply made a snippy comment at her and told her that we have Gerber green peas in the pantry in case she'd like to eat those too. She just looked at me with the stupid grin that I will assume meant "Sorry??"
She also opened my brand new box of Weight Watchers fudge bars, despite there being 4 different types of regular ice cream in the freezer. She denies it was her which is fascinating because NO ONE ELSE would DARE touch my shit. (It's only BS17, DH, myself and her at the house)
Yesterday, I get a text from her. "Can you buy me underwear on your way home? Mom only packed 3."
I replied, "No, you can wash your underwear either by hand when you shower OR you can throw them in with the laundry when I do a load later on. You're old enough to pack your own bag and you knew you were staying for the whole week."
She replies "No I didn't know. Mom wasn't sure if I was staying either."
Interesting seeing as how monkey bitch called DH Thursday to let him know that she was having out of town company and could SD stay with us for the week because there was no room for all of them at her place.
I maintained my ground "No, I am not buying you underwear, last time you were here I took you bra & clothes shopping and your mom gets a HEFTY amount of money from your dad to provide everything you need and then some." She replies "I have underwear, mom just doesn't think."
Whatever…
I get home and when I was heading to the supermarket she asks if she can come with me. Sure, no problem. We get in the car and she starts..
SD: "I'm only going to say this once so listen carefully. You were right. You were right about everything. I should have moved in Freshman year. I let my mom bribe me & stayed with her even though I knew my life would be better with you guys."
Me; "Really? Why the sudden change of heart?"
SD: "I can't deal with her. I swear, if she wasn't my mom I would have slapped her already."
Me: "Hmmm, well, you know there is no love lost between your mom and myself, but I insist you NEVER raise your hand to your mother. She gave birth to you and as such she deserves a level of respect."
SD: "She makes it so difficult! Even SS22 tells me that she MUST be doing something wrong that we want to LEAVE her. She's horrible."
Me; "Well, you blew your chance to live with us kiddo and unfortunately, I know very well, as do you, that there is NO WAY IN HELL that your mother will let go of that CS check, so your chances of moving in with us are pretty much ZERO."

Now…Someone said to me a few posts back that SD was manipulative and that the trash talking of her mom was probably the same thing she does at home about us. I agree to an extent. I think, what is happening is that this girl is FINALLY seeing her mother for what she is and she is afraid that if she stays with her, her life will never amount to much. She also said to me the following…

SD: "She is the worst example ever. She goes after men in their 40s that live with their moms and wear pants sagging under their ass. Like, lady, you don't see anything wrong with that picture? OH! And did I tell you she got in a bar fight with a girl last week?"
Me; "What? How do you know that? and why?"
SD: "She told me! It was over a man, I think she was the guys girlfriend and mom must have done something with him. I don't know, she said the girl came up from behind her and yanked her by her hair. Good job right?"
Me; Stunned silence….Then I said "She shouldn't be telling you that stuff. You're not her BFF you're her daughter."
SD just shrugged her shoulders.
Me; "You wouldn't enjoy living here. You don't like rules. We have PLENTY of rules here and in this house, what I say goes. And I can guarantee you that if you ever pulled any disrespectful shit with me? It wouldn't go over well for you."
SD just smiled and said "Oh I know."

Praying to the Gods that this little girl does NOT end up living with me!!!!! Please God, do NOT do this to me.

Comments

AllySkoo's picture

Oh no oh no oh no! She's definitely angling to try to move in with you guys. Is it really off the table? Will DH stick to that??

UGH!

Unfreakingreal's picture

DH is soft for his daughter. Rightfully so, she is his child, and I understand 100% loving your children and wanting what is best for them. I honestly don't know what DH would do. I do know that if it came down to it, he would not be able to say NO to his daughter.
I just don't know what it would do to our marriage.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Wouldn't BM fight that? I know if either of DH's skids wanted to live with us, it would be a HUGE fight. No way in hades BioHo is going to let go of that CS willingly!

Aniki-Moderator's picture

BioHo would fight tooth and nail. She NEEDS that money - she has THREE CAR PAYMENTS!!

DH has 2 more years of CS and it's OVER. He's not going to spend money going to court because he will not allow the skids to move in with us. BioHo would have to drop dead (Please God, not until after PrincASS turns 18!).

Unfreakingreal's picture

Will Monkey Bitch freely and willingly give up her daughter if she knew the money train would end? NOPE, not a chance in hell. When SS22 moved in with us (he was 16 at the time) she told DH that SS could live with us but that he could keep sending her the CS and she would make sure to provide everything SS needed at our house. I laughed when DH told me. I said "Really? She doesn't provide anything for him when he is at her house, you think she'll just fork the money over to you when the kid is here?" HA!
Crazy delusional bitch...

Aniki-Moderator's picture

DH doesn't want the skids living with us. He's gotten too used to keeping me nekkid and having his way with me where and when he wants. }:)

Unfreakingreal's picture

The love they have for their moms is unconditional. I get that. I also get that they SEE for themselves that mom may be mom, but mom ain't got her shit together and if we don't jump ship, we're drowning with her.
My problem is that I know DH will NOT PARENT. He didn't parent SS and he sure as hell will not parent SD. And THAT is why the possibility of her living with us makes me very, very nervous because I know that he will not do what is needed to make sure things go smoothly so that we don't have a repeat of what happened with SS22.

Unfreakingreal's picture

yeah, this one is pretty slick and incredibly sneaky and manipulative. A part of me knows she means a lot of what she says. She KNOWS her future is royally fucked with that woman but I'm not sure she's willing to do what she has to do to succeed even if she does end up moving in. KWIM?

kathc's picture

I hope she's being honest with you! It would be nice if she really has woken up to the fact that her BM isn't a great role model. BUT, yikes. I really hope your DH doesn't cave and let her move in now if BM is willing to give up that check.

Unfreakingreal's picture

She's being honest, but it is also to her advantage. She is only telling me HER side of things. Whereas, i am SURE her mom would have another version. Sd is thickheaded and doesn't like to follow orders. I am sure they are butting heads because of it. I seven said that to SD.

Unfreakingreal's picture

She has these convo's with me because I've been in her life since she was born & because she knows that while I may be the "evil SM", I still do want what's best for ALL the kids in our family.

DH and I discussed this a while back. When he offered it to SD, BM bribed her to stay with her by buying her a few bullshit rags at a store. That kept her put for a few months.

She asks me to buy her underwear because I control the money in our home and I am the one that knows if we can afford to buy her underwear or not.

I tell her that her mother gets a lot of money because it's the truth. She is old enough to know that her mother gets PLENTY of CS and that that money is supposed to pay for things like underwear and bra's.

I actually am quite pulled back. I stay outta her way for the most part, she stays outta mine. Unless she's eating my granddaughters snacks and my ice cream. I get along well with her. She trusts me, that's why she speaks so freely with me.

Unfreakingreal's picture

I don't want her to move in! I get along with her and I will honestly say that I love her. BUT….I had a very bad experience with my SS22 and I am afraid of a repeat performance.
I am also afraid of my Dh and his Disney parenting. he doesn't know how to play the bad cop and that is a recipe for DISASTER. Her mom speaks of things that her daughter has NO BUSINESS knowing. She shouldn't be telling her daughter that she's fucking men in relationships and that their girlfriends are jumping her in bars. That is TACKY and VERY VERY bad.
We don't really have tension on our side of the fence, BM is kinda nonexistent in our home and in our conversations. HOWEVER, BM has the habit of telling her kids that their father doesn't do shit for them. That is why I correct her and tell the kids "THIS IS HOW MUCH MONEY YOUR DAD GIVES HER. GO ASK HER WHERE THE MONEY IS."

BethAnne's picture

When she starts saying how her BM is a bad role model and her fears for how she is going to turn out, you could try to preach self discipline, self determination and her own responsibility to herself, that she doesn't have to turn into her mom, she can choose to take a different path and she can do that even when she is staying with her mom.

Unfreakingreal's picture

BethAnne - I actually have told her that. As a matter of fact, I said to her, "You should take advantage of that ghetto high school you are in and rise above all the others. You should be the one that stands out so you can walk outta there with an academic scholarship and leave them all behind. It shouldn't be that hard. Especially when it is obvious that they are just looking to pass kids along."
Even my BS17 told her that. He said "If I was in your school, I would have had straight A's."
So she knows it's entirely up to her NOT to be her mothers daughter.

Unfreakingreal's picture

Sally - yes, I have said that to her as well. I even said to her "You would never give up living with your mom, your mom lets you do whatever you want and you KNOW that's not how shit goes down over here."
I am very worried about DH caving. I know him and I know he would do anything to have SD live with us.

Unfreakingreal's picture

LOL Sally - DH knows I would never hit him for alimony. I think that is such a horrible practice. Alimony, to me, means a woman can't take care of herself and she needs to depend on a man. SO NOT ME.
I also think Alimony is a way to punish men for a divorce. I am many things, a vengeful woman I am not.