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Sometimes...I just get frustrated!

unbelieveable's picture

To make a long Rant short...because I need to get this out...

Why can the BM afford to get tattoos? Get her nails done? Get her hair done? Go on vacation twice a year (without the kids of course...), buy expensive clothes and she is working part-time? How is this possible?

Oh I know...maybe because she is using the money that my FH has taken out of child support for herself? How else could she afford this? I work as many hours as her and I can't do all that and I know there is no way she makes more than I do!

More on this tomorrow...GRRR!


unbelieveable's picture

I'm not really sure how this all happened. She had no a lazy part-time job. Then all of a sudden moved her and the kids in with some dude (he is a good guy - but he's stupid for getting involved with someone who is going to suck him dry.) Her only income is her minimum wage job and the child support.

Anon2009's picture

I know how you feel Sad When we had every other weekend visitation with SDs, they used come over looking like messes, while BM would have her nails and hair done and be wearing designer clothes. It is very frustrating and heart-wrenching to know that the kids are going without while she BM pampering herself. We now have custody, but the CS she has to pay us is minuscule compared to what we paid her.

Storm76's picture

If the kids are going without you might be able to accuse her of neglect, but as long as they are fed and clothed then it doesn't stand unfortunately. Some BM's look on CS as their right and part of their income to do with as they please rather than for the child - my OH makes sure he buys things rather than hand over cash where possible, but I know for most dads that's not an option.

Kb3Hooah's picture

Oh I know...maybe because she is using the money that my FH has taken out of child support for herself? How else could she afford this? I work as many hours as her and I can't do all that and I know there is no way she makes more than I do!

-----------> You have to think of funny scenerios so that you can steer yourself away from thinking about the one's that get you upset. There is nothing you can do about her actions, but you can change your reaction to it. time this crosses your mind, you could always say to yourself, "BM must be really wore out from the other night standing on the street corner making all of that extra money to support her lavish lifestyle, hope she doesn't catch some type of disease!" **devil grin** Wink

“Unless commitment is made, there are only promises and hopes; but no plans.”

unbelieveable's picture

I never say anything about this situation outloud...I buy my own clothes...I take FH shopping (Whether he likes it or not!) just because I know he will not buy anything for himself. Even though it's not "my" responsibility" to buy the kid's their clothes, I do. I do this because I care about them, I got my "fake nails" removed to save that $40 a month to make sure they have new clothes and new shoes that fit...because I care so much. When they are with us I want them to look nice...I was their hair done and their clothes in one piece, I never want them to be self-concious. I want them to know if they ever need anything I will be there.

When her BF bought her a new car of course I was enraged. I don't know that it was "jealousy" because I chose this for myself, I knew that my FH couldn't give me that...I never expected him to. But I was sooooo mad that I work so hard and I get NO HELP from anyone and she has it all...a new house...a new car...I mentioned it once out loud because I was so upset in front of FMIL and she looked at me and said, "Being jealous and griping over what you don't have doesn't get you anywhere." With this nasty smile on her face...I was so mad, then I remembered - wait FMIL is just like BM and expects everyone else to take care of her...well guess what? I am independant - I can offer more thing (Educational things, clothing, food, etc.) for her grandchildren. She has nothing to offer them other than Lung Cancer from Second hand smoke..."sticks out tongue to BM and FMIL"...geez...this is a whole new rant.

Pantera's picture

I know how you feel. BM owes DH $14121 in child support and has new clothes, shoes, goes out all of the time, ect. On top of it, my DH used to pay her child support on time every month when she was the primary parent and ss didn't have any clothes, shoes, school supplies, ect. It was so bad that at Christmas BM would make sure we had ss on Christmas Eve so he would get presents on Christmas day and she would buy him a toy or 2. I wish there was a system that parents could track where the child support goes. I have no problem with paying major bills with child support (mortgage, electric, water, food, ect.). Its just really frustrating when the other parent has new everything and the child looks neglected. It's ridiculous!!!

buttercup123's picture

Keep receipts for clothing you purchase the kids. CS is supposed to cover that. We have had to buy an entire wardrobe for 3 kids AND pay cs (which is supposed to pay for clothes) all because bm is too lazy to pack the kids clothes when they come to us. We told our lawyer and gave receipts-she lowered our cs payments. HA!!!!!

unbelieveable's picture

Really? I just mentioned this to FH. I said, "Wouldn't it have been amazing if I would have kept all of my receipts for everything I have purchased for the girls in the last 3 years? Keep in mind, I do this because I want to and let's be honest FH is such a "Dude" if I didn't take the girls shopping and he did...they'd come back in basketball shorts and crocs with shaved heads! haha! JK! But all of his money goes to BM. He didn't make much to begin with and now it's like he's being robbed. If BM is asked to pack clothes for the weekend, she sends rags. Things that parents don't want their kids to wear in public. You know, like stained shirts, dirty shoes, ripped jeans. We had to go out and buy clothes to keep at his house. They have play clothes and nice clothes at our house now. I have decided that I am going to put them in their new clothes or play clothes as soon as they get to our house on the weekends and wash the clothes they wore there, then I am going to send them home in the clothes they came in so we quit losing clothes we spent our own money on.

buttercup123's picture

You have your bank records. If they are for kids stores specifically then those can be used.

I always put them back in the clothes they came in. Makes FH have to deal with BM less. He used to always be asking her to remember to bring back this and that. She's too stupid to get it right and then the kids are missing things when they get here.