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How many of you included stepchildren in Wedding?

unbelieveable's picture

Alright...we can't come to an agreement on this...and I won't set a date anyway until we move out of the crazy house.

My reasons for not wanting children in the wedding or ANY children at the reception -

1. I think receptions are for's a night for couples and single people to get out, mingle, laugh, drink, dance, and have a blast to celebrate a marriage. My parents used weddings as their escape and a night for "them" when we were little. We NEVER attended weddings with them.

2. I don't want any licking of the fingers and putting them in the wedding cake.

3. crying because it's 10:30 and their tired.

4. I don't want little girls hanging on my new husband's leg during our first dance...I want him to myself for one night...the most important night of my life.

5. I don't need to be reminded of how "they look like their mom" all night...

6. I don't need marker, crayon, glue, or anything else on my dress FMIL decides they need to have to keep busy during the reception.

7. I don't want a wrestling match on the dance floor.

8. I don't want oldest fsd(8) doing her weird flirt thing hanging on all our male friends.

9. I didn't go to my parents wedding, why should kids go to theirs? I don't have children to bring so why should his come too?

10. They will have their OWN wedding someday...this day belongs to my hubby and I.

11. I don't want to get stuck watching and worrying about kids - this is exactly what will happen.

7. I don't want to have to worry about pleasing children with the menu...and I wanted to have a formal wedding.

I can keep going...Let me just point out that just between his family members kids and mine - that right there would just make 16 (there are only two in mine) kids!!! And EVERYONE would bring them if I don't make this adults only...and this is not including guests that have children. I want one night...our night...our WHOLE day without worrying about where kids are...what they are doing...if they are hungry...and who put what in the toilet...

Has anyone else faced this dilemma?


unbelieveable's picture

I should have used a different title...I already know I am not putting the kids IN the wedding...I am even considering NO flower girls because we'd have like 8 and it would be ridiculous...

Justwantsomepeace's picture

It isn't common where we are for children not to be included, but the few times I have seen it (black tie kind of thing). The kids attended the ceremony, then were taken to someones house where a babysitter(s) were waiting with pizza, etc and took care of the kids during the reception.

purpledaisies's picture

I had all our kids in the wedding. I felt that we were a family and it was a family coming together not just the 2 of us. We held it on a skid weekend and then we went on our honeymoon. But of course my skids were very young and I don't have much problems out of them. I just have problems with the bm.

unbelieveable's picture

you said, "all our kids..." I am assuming you have children? see...I don't have any I don't feel that it's "our" family coming together...and you know - HIS family constantly wants to remind me that I "do too much" and questioning everything I do for the really...I don't care who gets mad out of HIS nephew (one of the whole 2 kids I have in my family) actually told me (he is 9) he would have rather stayed with us while her mom and stepmom got married because the wedding was soooo boring.

unbelieveable's picture

We did try to come to the agreement on this...BUT of course the issue was...trying to figure out WHO is going to take them elsewhere...I'll be damned if I want BM at my reception...I could ask their FSDad to come and get them...or meet one of my brothers outside with the girls...If I have FMIL take them outside to meet BM she will literally bring BM into the reception to talk about old memories with the family...and this would he humiliating and ruin my whole day...and life...which is what she would want. There is also an issue of the tantrum they will have when it is time for them to go...and FMIL will say, "ohh no it's okay...they can stay with me - I will watch them..." She won't and I will geek out because she ruined my plan of getting them to leave so we can have our night!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

unbelieveable's picture

See...Here's the thing...this is my first wedding...and hopefully my one and only...I don't need to feel like I am joining their family...I believe in putting my relationship with my future husband first...the fsd's are 8 and 6 and uh...did I mention ALL the other family kids? I'd have to rent clowns and a freaking petting zoo to keep them from literally having a wrestling match and knockingover the D.J.'s stand...atleast 10 of those 16 just do not listen. If I include 2 children...I have to include ALL - or who will stepkids have to play with? Did I mention how clingy they will be? They will CRY because there is no way they are sitting at the bridal parties table...I am just going to stick to my guns...I am NOT nannying it up on my wedding day. Sure...I may sound like the evil step mother BUT only we know how terrible it will be. I won't elope either...I will have my dad walk me down the front of all my family and friends...and I am not paying for a sitter either...

happymostly's picture

At my brothers wedding, there were kids everywhere! This one lady I wanted to knock her out! Before it all got started she let her children go on the alter where there were candles and the archway and one kid was about to knock over the arch way! Gahh it made me mad lol so no kids if you can avoid it esp. If its something formal and with an open bar.

imagr8tma's picture

Well it is your wedding and your day.... If you want no kids allowed then no kids allowed. I have to agree they add an element to the day that can be a bit stressful......

So enjoy your wedding day.... you are right it is all about you and your DH. I think so many people get it twisted and plan the wedding for the guests who are there and do not make sure they as the bride and groom are fully happy with their decisions.

Enjoy and congratulations.

Anon2009's picture

I ultimately decided to have my SDs in the wedding. Looking back, I think it really helped us in coming together as a family. They left the reception fairly early, though. We had hired some babysitters to entertain kids in a separate room where they could watch movies, eat some junky food and drink the sodas that they like, color, play with toys and games, etc. I don't think it's fair to put little kids in a reception like that.

I think this is an issue you ultimately have to decide. However, like you said, they'll have their own weddings someday. How would DH feel if he weren't invited to theirs, or if they eloped? Would he be ok with that, because it's their wedding, or would he be hurt?

Ultimately, you know your SDs better than any of us, so this decision has to be yours.

simifan's picture

MY SD was in our wedding & at the reception along with children from family members. BUT I have always been kid friendly & wanted them there. I wanted a relaxed party atmosphere. It is your special day, and it should be everything you want on your day.

Though if you & FDH are having this much trouble coming to an agreement, you might discuss date nights, vacations, etc. It sounds like you have two very different ideas about free time.

stepmom-at20's picture

I am getting married in 10 days and i refused point blank to have ss there or any kids for that matter im sorry i will not do our first dance with a clingy 5 year old who has no manner.and if you dont want kids there then that should be the final answer.

i wish you all the best

cookies's picture

I had adult SK's at my wedding,they were part of the wedding party,with adult SD being a bridesmaid, DH never asked if she could be one,he 'expected' her to be one,and that was that.I won't go into too much detail,but,basically,all SK's were blind drunk by the end of the night,one SS was drunkenly slouched over the dinner table during speeches because he was so bad,and SD threw atleast 2 hissy fits infront of everyone when we were all getting ready for the ceremony,she was a complete nightmare and spent most of that time getting ready,ignoring the other bridesmaids,who,in the end,were too scared to even sit in the same room as her because of her behaviour.
As difficult as it was,and as much as i had anticipated this would happen(SD and BM had tried their hardest to cause problems just 4 days prior to the wedding),i selected two trusted people,and delegated a,'keep an eye on SD's behaviour' ,duty to them.I wanted to avoid as much drama as was possible so that i could enjoy my day without having it intentionally ruined.

Most Evil's picture

We had SD10 at the time as MOH and had only very minor issues, but we had no alcohol 12:00 wedding and reception to head off any problems, it was a very small group of about 40 people total.

I completely understand if you want to have a real party and don't want any kids at your reception. If NO ONE (assholes! or maybe they know how hard it will be) will effectively help keep them off you, maybe you should consider a destination wedding? where they can't come.

It will be hard to control if you don't have anyone who will support you in this. I agree if the kids are used to being catered to they will certainly act up at the worst moment of your special day.

alittleaggravated's picture

Smile We had our kids in both the ceremony and at the reception. The kids were a large part of the ceremony. BD walked me down the aisle, SD walked her father down the aisle. SS was his father's Best Man. Our vows included the children. We had 12:00 wedding, followed by a cocktail hour and full sit down dinner. We had a total of 12? kids at the wedding/reception and I wouldn't have had it any other way....we were celebrating our new family...not just us.

unbelieveable's picture

I would like to them to be at the ceremony...however, I will not be including them in the vowels...I am a big believer in the concept that someday the girls will leave...and have a family of their own...although they will visit - it will be my husband and I the end - so I would like to recite my vowels only to him. They have a mother and everyone constantly reminds me of that (which is fine....and of course I accept it and uh - my children would not lack the manners and disrespect they do because mine would not be raised like they are...) I've seen a lot of comments involving "adult" step children...these are children. I would end up babysitting while everyone else enjoyed themselves.

My plan is to have them at the ceremony...and they may attend the reception and after dinner I will have one of my brothers or their uncles take them home to avoid drama at the reception hall...DH and I will explain to them that when it is time to's time to go - and their will BE NO TANTRUMS. I really believe this is OUR day...DH and I. And someday I think they would understand that too - they will get to have their day...and their own reception how they want it. I don't want a destination is way too tight for that and I want my dad to walk me down the aisle. In my church. I don't think I am asking too much...Afterall, if there were not children in the picture this would not be an issue.'s a very frustrating situation. If you are blessed with steps that are amazing...then I could understand why anyone would like to have their steps be part of everything...and if I had children of my own...then all the kids would be involved but I don't.

jessyjohn's picture

When you get married, you don't just marry one person, you marry their entire family. This is doubly true if your future spouse has children from a previous relationship. It is vitally important to the success and happiness of the new marriage that all of the kids feel like they are a special part of the new blended family. Get things off to a great start by finding ways to include your future step-children in your wedding. wedding planner course

Wedding Rental's picture

If you want even the smallest little details to be taken care of at your marriage, it would be suggested that you seek the services of a marriage coordinator. Choosing a marriage coordinator can save you a lot of money. But, you need to know a few things before you seek the services of a marriage coordinator.
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