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unbelieveable's picture

Where to start...

pick up the girls from school Friday - It's 60 degrees - they didn't wear any outerwear to school...fsd8 is in DIRTY flip flops that are too small and a shirt that is SO big she is swimming in it. Fsd10 is in a sundress with stains with a crochet shrug and flats - NO leggings. I'm sorry? Do you know it's cold out BM? Can you really NOT take the time to help these kids pick out their school clothes the night before since you aren't there in the morning? COME ON! I PRAY that the school sends her a letter about this.

So we get home...I'm making dinner and clearly not so DH is irritated about something - perhaps their behavior at the grocery store and how I walked away pretending I wasn't with them? Whatever...not my kids - you deal with it since you are one of the irresponsible parents that made these kids and pretend you don't see things.

My not so Dh puts oil in his boiling water because it helps the spaghetti from sticking to the pot I guess...I don't do this - I've never seen it done but - a HUGE fight ensues...over NOTHING. I picked up a spoon that had some sauce on it to stir the spaghetti not realizing he had put a spoon there just for that pot? Who cares? The spoon comes clean in the water...Who cares if the boiling water gets sauce in it? It won't matter because the noodles are getting sauce on the anyway? He WIGS OUT! I have no IDEA WHY! He starts saying OUTLOUD - WHY ARE YOU PUTTING THAT F***ing SAUCEY SPOON IN The F***ING water? Why the hell would you do that? - He was being COMPLETELY RIDIC! So I said to him because I was SO caught offguard and more so worried about the kids in the room beside us hearing - " you mind NOT swearing like that in front of your kids? You'll get parent of the year award with language like that for sure!" - HE then decides to hit me below the belt with, "OH? I'm pretty sure you are NOT a parent! Are you? Do you have kids? You have no right to tell me how to speak in front of my kids! So I guess this is MY fault?" - sd10 chimes in???? "No daddy! NOTHING is your fault! It's HER!" WTF IS GOING ON? So I try to STOP what he's doing by saying, "I'm just making spaghetti - don't know why you are yelling - you can calm down now..." Well - he mumbled something? And I said what? And he started yelling about how I was being ridiculous? So then I snapped - because I felt like a used belitted abused person or something "Wow...I am stupid. Now I know why their mother didn't want you around" and I whispered it to him - the kids DID NOT hear it - He FREAKS OUT - punches the freezer and tells me to GET OUT! He KEPT YELLING IT SO LOUD!!!!!!!!! The first two I ignored - but he just kept getting louder- sd10 comes RUNNING into the room - Points her finger at me and says, "UNBELIEVEABLE! IF MY DAD TOLD YOU TO GET OUT - THEN GET OUT NOW! HE DOESN'T WANT YOU HERE!" I just looked at her - went into the bedroom - him chasing after me asking what she had said - now I am bawling - in the room getting out some clothes so I tell him BAWLING what she said and said that kid wouldn't care if I was DEAD - I MEAN NOTHING TO HER! Five years of this bullshit - it's one thing for US to fight but having a 10 year old that I've been raising for 5 years talk to me like that and him doing nothing????? DONE!!!" So I was crying so hard- I put on my running clothes and went walking for an hour and a half. I get back - he says he is sorry - I say - I'm done with your sorrys - I walk through the house into the bedroom fsd10 says "Sorry Unbelieveable" - I say - I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT!" So she cries and runs into a room and slams the door and her daddy goes to comfort her...whatever. DONE. I didn't talk to her or HIM all weekend - we went to a festival and I hung out with sd8 and made sd10 stay away from me. Immature? Mean? She's JUST a little kid? I don't CARE. This little brat has been terrorizing me since DAY ONE. As for the boyfriend - well - after I finish EvERYTHING that I HAVE PLANNED ALONE for their bday party coming up in two weeks - He is on his own. The only reason I am following through with that is because I have put SO much work into it - and the invites are already out. He's on his own after this.

When we were ready to take them home I made them change out of their nice clothes - and in the shitty clothes - and of course their grandmother was even appalled but of course she won't speak ill of BM EVER. She says in a baby voice, "Now girls - summer is over. It's time to dress for the weather." And then looks at me and says, "Are you really sending them home in those?" I said - that's what they came in - they can change when they get home- I buy their nice clothes and their mom makes twice as much as me - plus CS so she can take them shopping. "Eye roll" from her. I HATE HER TOO.

Today - we took out fundraiser money for them - sd10 completely ignored me - cool. Want nothing to do with you...


I told not so Dh that I am DONE with her - I'm NOT a parent just like he said SOOOOO - he can parent her and I will "nanny" fsd8 ONLY. he said "No, you can't do that" I said - we'll see.


StickAFork's picture

I'd like to add... your DH is the real asshole here. SD was WAY out of line with what she said, but if her dad is modeling that kind of disrespect toward you, it's hard to blame her, kwim?

I was married to a man like that. Notice I said "WAS." It took an awful lot to leave that abusive prick, but I have NEVER regretted it.
Just sayin

unbelieveable's picture

Yes, he is a REAL ASS! We've had blowups before rarely in front of the kids but THIS was just INSANELY innapropriate and I have told him MULTIPLE times NEVER EVER to act like this in front of those kids - they will THINK that is okay or worse - what a healthy relationship is.

We have had multiple conflicts (after the children were at home) about his downplaying what I am doing or correcting me after I have told them NOT to do something...or disagreeing with me about something the kids have done, etc. which I think is a NORMAL step thing - but this - this was just out of line and I can't even look at HIM.

This isn't the first time sd10 has done something like this - she ALWAYS does things like this - she has NO respect for me and she should NEVER talk to ANY adult like that - but because her father was being SO disrespectful - of course she thought she could be too (what am I saying? SHE ALWAYS IS!)- he said he "had a talk with her" about this which is why she tried to apologize but I just don't want to deal with it anymore. I WILL NOT EVER PUT UP WITH HIM DOING THAT EVER AGAIN - and as for her - like he said - I am NOT a parent - so he can do the parenting ALONE! That child has no chance because she has two parents who don't parent. And I am sure I am NOT the only sort of step on here that has a DH who has just given up and quit parenting. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. I need to send him an angry email because he can't fight back over email lol - but - I think I will just wait and he can get a taste of what it's like to do it all alone.

unbelieveable's picture

Thanks everyone...

For awhile we were on the same page - he WANTED me to correct them - we were a TEAM. We WERE doing very well - and then if you go back a few posts when I posted about taking away computer privileges that's when he started taking away my "parenting" privileges we were working on together - all of a sudden Step10 reigned Queen - I have NO idea where it came from. I am assuming it was because BM had called several times saying to TAKE HER - SHE DIDN'T WANT HER - and he felt bad? So now - she is getting what she wants while I get the punishment.

This IS the worst of the WORST. Every couple bickers - we do. BUT - this was the WORST and it was over NOTHING. And I hope I NEVER forget about this either - though this will be dragged out by my Self so I don't forget that I AM NOT A PARENT and I was just a nanny. Those words were VERY hurtful. And it reminded me of WHY i have not accepted an engagement.

Let the disengaging begin...AGAIN!

p.s. his twin has moved back in AGAIN after fighting with his baby momma and putting a hole in their nursery wall - she booted him. These twins have anger issues? I think so! And I think their mommy comes to their rescue by placing the blame on US (the girlfriends) by saying, "No one messes with my boys or grandchildren - you don't like the kids blah blah) WRONG - We don't have issues with children - we have issues with their behavior and the parents that don't discipline which is why the kids are this way....what a disaster.