Every situation is different, but the more I read here, the more in common we all have....it is great to get the advise, both good and bad.

Clearly, blended families must not be easy for most people. It is great this site because it allows you to connect with people who have similar situations; as often we feel guilty and alone, and like you, we sometimes feel a need to change or improve our own behavior. When, in fact, there is little or nothing you can do to change the situation. We never created it and we may not be the answer, or the problem, at all.

You are the ultimate judge of your situation. And, nobody has experienced it but you. Advise is always helpful, even from those we do not know, but you have to take it for what it is and decide if there is any take away for YOU.

I do not claim my husband's son on any level. I refer to him here as SS30 for convenience's sake.

He's a worthless POS that I DO NOT WANT IN MY LIFE. He had a baby with his GF last December. I do not wish the child ill at all, but I want nothing to do with him either. He will most likely turn out just like his father. (violent drunk who abuses women and the elderly)

I have no problem telling anyone that he is not part of my life. He is NOT my stepson. He's just a POS that my DH produced by having a ONS with his ex years after their divorce. All of that was decades before I met DH - just not relevant to my life.

As far as I am concerned my husband's son is the equivalent of his taking a crap. Just shit.

Obviously the old geezer was without a proper reference point.

I probably would have said "Her mom doesn't like it when I call her child mine" and gone on about my business.

Dup

I do not at all think of my SD as my own. Sometimes when meeting a new person or having a conversation with a stranger, I say "daughter" as to not go into details. But everyone that knows me knows she's my step daughter. I always make that very clear. Her and I are nothing alike. We have nothing in common. It's actually kinda hard to bond with her when she's here. I usually just have to fake it until it's over. I don't feel that she's even here enough for me to love her like that. Sometimes it feels like a stranger is in my home for the weekend.

Yeah people dont have a clue. Sure when SD starts calling me "mom" then I'll drop the 'step' part of Stepdaughter. Like the BMs ever allow skids to call us any version of mom. My BM spanked that idea out of my SD when she was a 3yo. Before she used to call me "mommy step.life". Not to mention Skids will always make sure to insert themselves into the adult conversation to say "she's not my mom, she's my STEPmom!" (probably from fear of being reprimanded by their BM) There's no reason for us to not say the truthful term.

Sounds like the old man was/still is a guilty/disney biodad; maintaining his ever vigilant world view of the "one big , happy family model" (TM) sprinkled with unicorns farting glitter and rainbows. Typical.

But You Don't Really Think Of Her As Your Stepdaughter, Do You?

No, not at all, I think of her as my husband's daughter.

Even though I care about both of my stepdaughters and am proud to see them both grow into hardworking young women, I am still not their biological mother. I believe it's a matter of respect to the bio parents to not try to usurp that role. I suppose it might be a little different for a stepparent who was the "only" father/mother the child had ever known and the bio parent was dead (or the equivalent). I actually don't even like the BM of my girls and certainly really don't respect her as a person, but I do respect her role in my stepdaughter's life.

I have had multiple people comment on how good a relationship I have with them. I don't go way out of my way to correct a stranger if they say I have a lovely daughter because I honestly don't want to have to explain it all, but when I refer to them, I do refer to them as stepdaughters. They call me by my name.

It's a little complicated but, we all make our own way ya know?

I hate when people feel the need to make comments like that. I've been told many times how I "should be happy I have skid". Um, why? Why should i be happy to be forced to have someone under my roof who gives me dirty looks? Why should i be happy to pay for things for someone else's child? Happy my ass!