The SM Struggle is Real!
A fellow Stalker asked me to cut and paste this response as its own blog as a reminder of what we're dealing with here.
The general consensus or societal view of stepmoms is that "it's really not that bad" and we should all just "suck it up" if we're pushed aside, marginalized, or sacrificed on the altar of the first family. What's the big deal if our husbands go off to family functions or birthday dinners with their ex every once in a while? Surely we are "secure" enough in our own selves to not let a couple hours away from our DH bother us so much, right? Or are we really that "insecure" and "needy" that we have to "control" everything our husband does?
Those of us who have the unmitigated gall to want to be treated like every other married couple can safely assume they will be treated...well, we clearly have problems with self-esteem.
Anyway. Response posted below. Poster I'm responding to is in bold.
I find your marginalization of the civil rights struggle offensive. Denying a race of people their constitutionally guaranteed and protected civil rights, is hardly the same as some perceived societal impression of step mothers . There has yet to be a step mother who was lynched or battered for being uppity or wanting a seat in the front of the church.
Huh? I mean...what?
Idvilen isn't 'marginalizing' any civil rights struggles. What on earth are you talking about? She's simply referring to the very real phenomenon of stepmoms being made to sit in the back of the church for weddings, being pushed to the side for family portraits, left out of gatherings altogether...etc.
Also. There has yet to be a step mother who was lynched or battered for being uppity or wanting a seat in the front of the church.
Totally not true.
This stepmom was shot in the back of the head by her 11-year-old stepson for daring to get pregnant: https://www.cbsnews.com/news/no-new-trial-for-jordan-brown-pennsylvania-...
This stepmom was murdered and robbed by her 19-year-old stepson in a rage: https://www.9news.com/article/news/crime/stepson-arrested-in-burlington-...
Lizze Borden killed her stepmom with an axe...most likely. And got away with it: https://www.biography.com/crime-figure/lizzie-borden#video-gallery
This stepdaughter blamed her stepmatricide on a fictional clown: https://www.nydailynews.com/news/crime/indiana-girl-12-killed-stepmom-la...
Stepmoms are at far greater risk of being killed by their stepchildren than biological moms...they are also at greater risk of mental, emotional, verbal, and physical abuse at the hands of the children. Meanwhile, despite decades touting a flawed study showing that the "Cinderalla Effect" makes stepkids more likely than biokids to be killed by a stepparent...more recent research shows this is not even remotely true.
In fact, analyzing the last three decades of reported filicides shows that stepparents killing stepkids accounts for 11% of all filicides...but stepchildren living with stepparents are 10-20 percent of the population. So the risk is actually the same or lower than would be predicted based on population percentage and no greater than the risk with bio-parents.
Children are at the least risk of all from stepmoms. From the study:
The rarest instances were stepmothers killing either a stepson (0.5 percent) or a stepdaughter (0.3 percent).
That's right. Stepmoms are responsible for 0.8% of all filicides between 1976-2007.
(Sidenote: I am irked that 99% of filicides by stepparents are actually committed by stepdads...yet we call it the "Cinderella Effect" in reference to a story about an evil stepmother. Go figure.)
So...yeah. Stepmoms have been "lynched and battered" actually. They are, according to all statistics, the most vulnerable member of a blended family unit. And no one seems to care.