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How do these women sleep at night?

Toastergirl's picture

Are a majority of high conflict, PAS, BPD Hexs completely void of ethics and morals? How do they sleep at night telling their young children they can "choose" not to visit their father when they turn 12? Like its a fucking milestone like turning 18 and buying a lottery ticket. Who would do that? What is going to happen in life when their kids get older and decide they can choose not to go to school or work? Do these women not see how they are setting up their children for failures? If DH and I divorced and DD tried to pull crap with me about not wanting to see her dad I would tell her tough cookies, be greatful you have a father in your life who loves and cares about you.

Wish my husband had not reproduced with an emotionally unstable woman, who is passing down her horrid mentality to SD.


WalkOnBy's picture

"Are a majority of high conflict, PAS, BPD Hexs completely void of ethics and morals?"

Yes. Yes, they are.

Toastergirl's picture

My hex has told SD the EXACT same thing. Her father died when she was younger, and she turned out " fantastic" so therefore SD does not need a father either.

That is so emotionally disturbing on so many levels.

WalkOnBy's picture

Yup - Medusa had zero relationship with her dad after she ran away to her BM's after the divorce. Years later, DH convinced her to mend that fence.

She stopped speaking to her dad again when HE took DH in when DH first left Medusa.

From that day on, Medusa told the skids that men were useless pieces of shit, and that kids didn't need fathers, and look how great she turned out as proof.


askYOURdad's picture

I think for a lot of these types the ends justify the means and they have this ability to rewrite history and spin stories to make their poor decision making seem necessary.

When dh and I first got married bm started telling everyone at the kids school how I was dh's mistress. (Dh and I met 2 years after the divorce, and she was the cheater) what are we in high school and bm is really trying to slut shame me? Give me a break. The point is, they will say or do anything to keep the focus positive in regards to themselves and paint their ex as a horrible person to anyone who will listen, unfortunately that includes the children.

DaizyDuke's picture

What I want to know is how women like BM1 live with themselves. She has 5 kids with 3 different baby daddies and last I knew only has 1 of those kids in her custody. SD17 has lived with GBM, DH and I, DH's Aunt and (even a friend for a short period of time!)for the majority of her life. I think BM1 might have had her 1-2 years max after she was born. Baby daddy #2 has his 3 girls, leaving BM1 with her one year old with baby daddy #3.

I often wonder what she tells people about where her kids are and why they are not with her? I wonder if she ever tells people that she never paid a dime to support SD17... my guess is she doesn't pay anything to support the other ones either. I wonder if she tells people she's been evicted 4 times in the last 5 years? I wonder if she tells people she got almost $20,000 in SS retro money that she blew on Lord knows what.. most of which was for a new car that she ended up getting repo'd a year later.

Yet when SD17 moved out of state to live with DH's Aunt in January because she was failing everything, getting into trouble etc... BM1 said it was "all Daizy's fault" LMAO! Guess that's how she lives with herself?

GRITSinAL's picture

Idk. It depends on the situation. My exH has been crappy for 5 years off and on to my DS14 and myself. After his latest fiasco, I told DSthen13 that I would pay to go back to court to let him talk to a judge since he was almost 14 and stop the mental games/abuse by his dad and just stay with me. There is no "age" law in my state, but a judge will listen to a child explain at maybe 12-13-14 ish and take it into consideration. I am tired of DS14 being hurt. I know your husband is not doing that, though!

ETA I do not get or send child support. We have 50/50 and are supposed to split expenses 50/50, but I end up providing EVERYTHING. If I didn't, DS14 would go without food and clothes etc.

WalkOnBy's picture

What kind of mental games and abuse??? And, honestly, who cares if XH is crappy to YOU? I mean, it's better if he can be civil or just ignore you altogether, right? Heck, my XH was crappy to me, but I just let it go and ignored it....

Sometimes I think it's important that kids can recognize that they have a crappy parent and learn how to deal with it. I mean, if we're talking physical abuse, then yeah, go through the appropriate channels, but if the biodad is just kinda jerky or doesn't parent the way you think they should, it's probably better for the kid to confront the situation and learn how to deal with it.

I mean, Medusa used to tell the skids all the time that DH was abusive and violent towards her - but yet she never called the police or other authorities, so what gives there???

hereiam's picture

Oh, to hear BM tell it, DH was an abusive, violent, rapist. But that's what she says about every guy who does not do her bidding.

GRITSinAL's picture

In the latest spectacle, ExH wanted DS14 (who is on the school football team) to miss a Friday of school to go to the beach with him and his current girlfriend of a few weeks. This would've meant not only did DS14 miss school all day, but also he would miss the first football event of the season called "Meet the Tigers" that Friday night. It is like a banquet eith the whole community there where the players all dress up and the call them out over a speaker introducing each player and cheerleader etc. DS14 did not want to miss this and was very excited about it. I did not care either way. I have to be there regardless as I teach at the high school anyway.

I told DS14 he would have to talk to his dad about this and that I was not getting involved. DS called his dad and asked to talk to him. His dad said, yes drop by as we are out in the yard (DS and I were on the way home from football practice).

DS14 got out and told ExH he did not want to go to the beach and thus miss Tiger night. ExH flipped out yelling at him and throwing things and told him he never wanted to see him again and wanted to no longer have visitation. DS14 was absolutely crushed.

GRITSinAL's picture

Apparently not. DS14 did not go. I was prepared for the cops to be called but figured they would not pry a crying DS14 from my care especially after I showed them the video on my phone of ExH flipping out. They did not call the cops or anything. I just want my son to not be hurt like this anymore.

GRITSinAL's picture

I have more stories, all similar. Most documented or witnessed. I have a huge folder categorized by year of receipts, even breakfast and supper ones etc. This was just the episode from August which was the latest one.

GRITSinAL's picture

And as for mistreating us both, I may have worded that wrong as it is all really mistreating DS I guess. Even on ExH days, I drive to the next town and pick up DS14 and take him to school. Exh does ZERO transport period. ALso I feed DS14 breakfast on those mornings, provide him snack money, provide him lunch, stay with him for football practice, feed him supper after football practice, and then drop him off at ExH house EVEN ON HIS DAYS.

I also provide every shred of clothing, shoes, and school/medical expenses. ExH provides zero.

I do not receive child support.

You may say, then why do it? I continue to do it for the simple fact that I will not let DS14 go without or not have opportunities etc simply because his dad will not take responsibility.

GRITSinAL's picture

I agree, but stop and let DS14 suffer? I am to the point to where I just want it over. I do it all anyway. DS14 is constantly hurting. Why continue to go through it? It's no longer even worth it to me.

GRITSinAL's picture

Yes. I've got a court date in Oct. for contempt...but there's no bus services so then it becomes, then how does DS14 get to school? Anyways, I have tried for 5 years to just stay out of everything and keep down drama and conflict so that even if DS14 has a crappy dad, at least he HAS one. But after Tiger Day, I am ready for DS to not have to be hurt anymore. He shattered into a million pieces in my car that night when we pulled off. I can't see keeping on putting him out there to have a relationship with his dad, only to be done like that. I just want him to not be hurt and be able to maybe have a chance at some peace (even though it will never be completely OK either way because if I go for a custody mod and win, he loses a father). I am not sure there IS a right thing to do here. Either way, it's a loss of some kind.

GRITSinAL's picture

That's what my lawyer said. So now, I no longer drop him off in evenings after school or football. I see it as he has forfeited his visitation. He has requested to see him about 3 times since August on weekends. DS14 has chosen to go those three times for one night each. I met him half way between our houses for drop off and pick up. No more fiascoes on those nights since August. DS14 says things like they went out to eat, went to a birthday party, etc. So far, no more hurt. Maybe it will continue. But I really probably need a modification to have a new court order in writing stripping the 50/50. I am not asking for support.

THe thing is, as soon as exH would be notified of my intent, he would probably flip out and take it out on DS somehow. I hate divorce. I guess I procreated with CRAZY like some of our husbands. DS doesn't deserve this lot in life.

GRITSinAL's picture

also it is kind of hard when your son rides to work with you and is in the building with you each day, has lunch in the cafeteria with you etc, to make him go without breakfast..snack money...a lunch etc simply because it is not your day. I mean, I am nearby. I don't have it in me to let him go without that way. It is also hard to pick up a starving teenager from football and deny him something to eat at 6:30-7 PM at night.

GRITSinAL's picture

I probably should add I stayed in the car. I have decided since DS was 12-13, that HE needs to man up and deal with these things sometimes with his dad. It was not me requesting that he did not miss this and go to the beach--it was DS14. Therefore, that is why I refused to text, call, or talk to his dad about it and told him to do it himself. I sat in the car and videoed once exH started flipping out. DS14 ran to the car asap, and we drove away.

winter80's picture

Yes, everything I have read about these personality disordered BM's is that they're incapable of truly loving anyone, including their own children. Everyone in their lives are just pawns to be used in their self-serving manipulations.
Just sleep well at night thinking about awful it must feel to be them inside on a daily basis...that's what keeps me going sometimes!

hereiam's picture

everything I have read about these personality disordered BM's is that they're incapable of truly loving anyone, including their own children

This right here ^^^^

I am sure BM sleeps just fine at night (with whatever guy she has at the moment) because she is looking out for #1, and that is HERSELF.

For everything she does, there is an ulterior motive that benefits her, usually financially.

Funny thing is, she has nothing.

hereiam's picture

BM over here has been through 5 husbands total, and then there's the boyfriends in between.

SD actually told her the problem must be her because DH has only been with me since he and BM split and we've been together 19 years. "So, how awful can dad be?"

WalkOnBy's picture

Medusa is the same way....has nothing and only looks out for herself. Spends her days trying to find ways to minimize the amount of support she has to pay, but when SHE was the one getting CS? Oh, man, she would cry from the rooftops that she "couldn't raise three kids on $2500 per month!"

thinkthrice's picture


notasm3's picture

So true!!

Miss Holier than Thou Church Lady snared her current DH with wide open legs.