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Going crazy

tigerlily's picture

Submitted by tigerlily on Tue, 04/03/2007 - 1:33pm

I'm new here, but have been lurking for awhile now. I think I'm just about to go over the edge dealing with my husband's ex. We just took her back to court for a modification, DH got everything he asked for and more. Even BOTH attorneys basically said she was an idiot. Didn't even have to go in front of a judge, both her and our attorney got her to agree to everything. Mostly because we had a ton of evidence and she had none.
I read about someone here who's ex faked medical bills. We went through some of the same, she tried scamming us, we could prove they didn't exist and had all the documentation, and we are the ones being unreasonable?
So here we are, only ONE WEEK after the modification was filed. New order in place, thought we were finally done. But oh no. Granted, this was the first time ever that DH finally stoop up to her bs, which was the worst it has ever been. She thinks that because both he and I worked with the attorney, that this only happened because of me. Since the new order, has already emailed DH to tell her that she never wants an email from ME again. I never emailed her except once, in which both DH and I worked on it so our ATTORNEY could PROOF it and he made changes. But of course, that's all my fault too. Who the hell does she think she is telling DH what he can and cannot do? He just ignores her, but it gets me so angry.

What has sent me over the edge, but hanging on, is now a week after the new order, she is refusing to email DH or discuss anything. He refuses to talk to her over the phone which pisses her off. Whenever he responds to her rambling emails and she doesn't like his response, her latest is to respond with unintellible symbols. Now it has become her practice and she has responded about to about 7 different emails with the same jibberish, no answers, just symbols. WTF??? And she has the audacity to tell DH that HE is immature and can't communicate? What an idiot. He has recently sent her two emails to confirm his next parenting time because of the new order and there are a few details that do have to be coordinated, she responds the same each time. So, it looks like we are going to be going right back to court to file contempt charges. I think she will continue this until he calls her up, talks to her on the phone about it, which is what she wants. She's such an idiot. DH is pretty adamant in that he will not discuss it over the phone, but what can he do when she responds with this jibberish to get her way? He doesn't want to communicate with her over the phone because she's an idiot, (diagnosed bpd), wants things only her way, calls him names, puts the kids in middle....all this we have on recorded phone conversations, part of our evidence against her during the modification proceedings.
But now it's like, what do we do when she is so childish and will only respond in symbols? It just gives me an instant headache. I told DH to email her and tell her that fine, we'll go right by the court order, the dates I get are XXX, and we'll meet at XXX to pick them up. If you choose to not follow the court order you JUST AGREED to, then I will call my attorney and take appropriate action. She's already tried pulling crap since the new order and DH called attorney, last one was about 2 weeks ago, and our attorney was ticked at what she was doing, said it was enough for custody, and was going to call her attorney. Well surprise, surprise, the nonstop phone calls ended, harassment stopped, but now these emails began. Oh yeah, except for the one she emailed and wanted DH to send her $80 to go buy SD clothes for her birthday. He said no, use your child support for that (we plan to buy her some things next when she's here). This woman drives me nuts!!!!! I just don't think it will ever get any better and I have to figure out how to handle her insanity better, or to not let it bother me, but now she's refusing to talk about visitation. We spent everything taking her back for the mod, so now DH really has to get smart and get her to comply with it on his own, we can't afford to keep calling the attorney each time she does crazy stuff!

Comments

steph77's picture

Submitted by steph77 on Tue, 04/03/2007 - 6:14pm

If the courts figured out the custody arrangement can you just hold her to that? What exactly do you still have to work out? If there are things you need to still work out with her perhaps he can email her "Since x is still up in the air I will propose that we handle it this way... I'll pick SD up at x time on x day and return her at x time...etc etc" and end it with: "This will be our agreement unless I hear from you, in writing, that you do not agree along with your proposal." Then show up at that time.

My DH also refuses to talk to BM on the phone. It's been a couple years since he started this and it works well. She used to call and leave really long, mean voicemails (as though this would convince him to talk with her??!!). If it was something that needed a response (i.e. actually relevant to the kids and us; not just undue accusations and emotional crap from her which we ignore) he would send an email response. She eventually stopped. They communicate solely by email and text message (when it's more urgent and needs to get to her right away). It works so well. We have everything in writing this way. I don't think your husband should give in and talk to her on the phone. If he gives in now she'll always know that she can just keep acting like a 10 year old and get her way with him eventually.

tigerlily's picture

Submitted by tigerlily on Wed, 04/04/2007 - 5:20pm

Thanks for your comments! In the new order, he gets the kids every other weekend. Time is all laid out in the order. The only other thing that needs to be coordinated is driving. The order says she has to drive 1/2 way once per month (we are 4 1/2 hrs away). It says that have to meet in a particular city, which is good. But it doesn't list the place. We also realized that she can't get there by the time the kids get out of school, and they drive 2 1/2 hrs (order says his visitation starts at 5PM). So he was hoping to coordinate that.

He just sent another email today and she responded again in jibberish symbols, we know it's not a problem with her email. She just last week sent him an email carrying on over how badly she needs him to send her more money (in addition to his child support) to buy clothes for SD. He responded and said no. We have tons of other emails from her, so it can't be a problem with her email, or our computer, or format. It's her refusing to communicate with him over email. We are certain she is trying to force him to call her and talk to her about it. Part of me thinks maybe he should just do it and be the bigger person, but he already knows how the conversation goes (she's impossible to talk to over the phone). Plus, he doesn't want the kids in the middle of the conversation (we have documentation of her repeatedly doing this). She is behaving like a 10 yr old and it's driving us crazy.

We talked and he was going to try one more email and see what happens. Here are two examples of what he is getting:

ÿþ< tl />
ÿþ< tl DI/

I don't even know what she is doing and we don't know enough about computers to figure it out!

He really just does not want to talk to her over the phone. So we think we'll go with a certified letter saying what you suggested...unless I hear from you in writing otherwise by xxx date, I'll be at XXX place to pick up the kids at XXX time on the XXX dates...if the children are not there as court ordered, and if you do not let me know otherwise, I will be calling my attorney.

Is that too harsh? It will probably send her over the edge, but just about everything does (she's diagnosed bpd). We just don't know what else to do. She just does NOT want to follow the court order that she just agreed to.

Thanks for your advice...very helpful!!

Does anybody know what she is doing to get these responses?

~tigerlily