An Open Letter To All Those Women on Here in Their 20s, 30s, and 40s
Who are dating/having a relationship with the
"Guy Of Their Dreams" (TM)
who is a "Great Dad" (TM)
but "Only Have Problems When His Kids Come Around" (TM)
"Because he Doesn't Want To Spend All The Time With His Children Disciplining Them" (TM)
and "Things Would Be Great If The BM Wasn't Calling/Texting Him With Her Demands" (TM)
RUN NOW, RUN HARD, RUN FAST, FIND A CHILDFREE GUY!
How did I come to this ephiphany? Well just going over some old files looking for my naturalization certificate, I came across the reams, and reams and reams and reams and reams of paperwork I did on Chef's behalf that didn't.get.appreciated.one.iota.
I wasted 15 precious years of defending a man who was "done wrong" by his ex for sure but also was and is his own worst enemy. He should have written a best seller "What Every Man Should NOT Do During a Breakup/Divorce"
And we all are fooled. In fact, the other day, Chef recounted an experience with a customer; a "saavy, tough broad who had been through a divorce and doesn't trust men" (TM)
But of course Chef comes across as an amateur relationship counselor and psychologist...totally trustworthy, with all the answers, a woman's advocate. etc. etc. This woman actually told Chef that he is "restoring her faith in men!" (TM)
Yeah I once felt that way about Chef as well. Until about 48 hours AFTER he moved in with me. My immediate reaction was to call this woman and tell her the exact opposite--but that would be bad for business. I just chuckled silently as I thought how easily we women are FOOLED by the act!!
One thing I've learned besides the "men with baggage" lesson....if someone or something seems to have "all the answers," they DON'T and you should run as fast and as far away as possible.
- thinkthrice's blog
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Comments
TT, may I ask why you stay
TT, may I ask why you stay?
Why don't you take the advice you so freely give?
Not being sarky, honestly asking because the advice I got from here was to dump the baggage: it was the best advice and made a massive difference in my own life.
My ex is a good man, but it was not enough to overcome an unrepentant psycho ex wife and a violent SD.
These two nightmares were not going anywhere.
It seems unfair to ask him to cut all ties with his DD, but no sane woman is going to put up with abuse from XW and DD for long.
Another lesson is that you
Another lesson is that you learn more by a persons actions than you EVER will by what they say. There are good men out there that have baggage but still hold their own. I think its some of us see the red flags but act like we don't and feel that if we ignore them it will go away. It's all about awareness and not accepting something that isn't in alignment with you.
Yep, my DH has baggage, but
Yep, my DH has baggage, but he carries it himself and protects me from it. That's why I've stayed.
Until about 48 hours AFTER he
Until about 48 hours AFTER he moved in with me.
I'm curious, thrice. What convinced you to keep Chef at hour 49?
I was in LOOOOVVVEE
and cognitive dissonance. Ignored every last red flag. I thought he was the OPPOSITE of my two husbands. Husband #1 who had ZERO interest in his daughter/children in general. Husband #2 who showed interest but used the opportunity to try and PAS me. Chef seemed like a guy who was a "good dad" and he told me the Girhippo was "reasonable" as well--he went out of his way not to PAS back.
HA!
In contrast. DH told me up
In contrast. DH told me up front that Psycho was a psychotic mess. I figured it was angry divorce talk. LMAO. Naw. It was true.
My DH was the same. He
My DH was the same. He CONSTANTLY told me that BM was sneaky and to be wary. I thought he was just still bitter and I could "save them".
Nope. He was right. He has always been pretty up front about BM and her antics, and his feelings about it. That's why it sucks SO MUCH when he gives in to her or acts all guilty/Disney. It's like he forgets all the BS, and then it smacks him again and he's back to normal.
Exactly Lt_dad. I was told
Exactly Lt_dad. I was told she was a liar, psychopathic, likely had something really mental going on, was vidictive, rude, manipulative, etc. Here I was thinking "that's just divorce anger. We can all totally be adults here!" I was wrong. He was 100% correct. In fact, he downplayed it some I do believe.
My DH has those stupid weak moments too. He's learning as of late though. Or he's finally just getting smart and knows better than to f*** with me...
Obviously, these beeyotches
Obviously, these beeyotches are related to BioHo....
Alien race that made a pact
Alien race that made a pact with the devil to avoid Karma...
My SO was also very honest.
My SO was also very honest. And I was all like "Well, I want to get along..." he said "You need to be very, very careful." So I listened. And even when I was still hopeful I never gave her any of my contact details. Which she still does not have. I have only ever made contact with her through stepsons (to let her know I was running late once).
Chef TRULY thought that the Girhippo would be Reasonable!!
I'm not sure why he deluded himself into thinking that way. I knew from the beginning that she would not be reasonable.. she attempted to reunify on her terms and when that didn't work, then things rapidly went downhill...even though both of them wanted a divorce.
Both have a LOT of "pride" and are stubborn as goats. From the way he described her juvenile tactics and as "being too young" for him, there was plenty of evidence to the contrary. Hell I was just barely 21 when I had my first child and was married at 18 but didn't leave clothes in the washer to sour overnight then thrown them in the dryer to bake that lovely smell in like the way the "Girhippo did laundry"
Chef TRULY thought that the
Chef TRULY thought that the Girhippo would be Reasonable!!
That's like expecting BioHo to be in a monogamous relationship!
TT, I truly hope that one day
TT, I truly hope that one day you'll be free of the albatross known as Chef.
He's a miserable excuse for a man.
I mean you’re right. You can
I mean you’re right. You can only blame everything else for so long. In the beginning BM making things more difficult was just smoke screens for the real issues. To be fair to my DH, he really picked it up when I told him if I wanted to be a parent at 21, I’d of reproduced with someone my damn self. He realized I wasn’t the sit-there-and-struggle type and is continuously getting better. BM is shit. She’s always been shit and she will always be shit. Expecting her to change is insanity on part; knowing how a BM plays the game and not adapting to limit their access to you/your world is your own fault after a certain point.