Some of the LOW lights of my Step Career (somewhat lengthy)
When I first laid eyes upon SD, she was 5 years old and beating the CRAP out of OSS, age 7 (not a good sign)
Visitation was withheld by the BM for three months and our first meeting was a haunted hayride in which I had paid for everything (as usual). All three skids clung to Chef's leg and stared at the ground refusing to speak or make eye contact. The PAS campaign was WELL on it's way by BM and clan.
During the first Christmas (of '03) I basically was a coat rack for Chef and his "angels." Traipsing around the mall, holding all the garments, bags whilst they ran in and out of every shop and took a "family Xmas photo" together. That photo is etched in my head. Chef looking veeeerrry sad and awkward because he's no longer a "happy family man" with "angels living under his roof 24/7" (TM)
OSS (at the time 7) is sticking out his tongue and making faces; SD (at the time 5) is smirking, YSS (at the time 2) is acting afraid of Santa whose entire face is covered by a fake beard. Yeah I wouldn't want to be seen with these misfits either. I was standing behind the photographer holding the coats and shopping bags. (nice)
Chef INSISTED that I buy his stb ex-MIL a fancy frame for Xmas. I had a problem with that and he had a problem with ME having a problem with it. Then the call from stb ex-MIL demanding money from us (read: me) to "buy an xmas gift from the skids to us" (TM) Seriously TACKY!
There was the rock throwing incident, where, at the time 7 year old SD was throwing rocks at me. She also was winging them at random people at the local beach. I got the hate stares from parents of her victims. I had to explain that SD was NOT my kid!! Of course Chef was unconcerned about the incidents. He did tell her not to throw rocks at me though (insert eyeroll)
SD was "Annie Oakley" and shot a BB at my cat where said BB is lodged today in her hind quarters. She very nearly shot both her brothers in the face with the BB gun, which she had no supervision as per usual.
When we went to Big Box hardware stores, it was a NIGHTMARE. Skids would tear off, knocking down patrons, climbing shelves, playing tag at high speed. Chef would ignore it all. I tried to stop the shenanigans. Every time we entered a Big Box store, without fail the announcement would come on over the PA system to PLEASE WATCH YOUR CHILDREN!!
Chef allowed the skids to go to the Bass Pro Shop and sit in every.model.RV.and.boat.and.camper.and. ATV imaginable. Soon there were signs saying not to let your children play unattended in the models. Was lost on Chef
Going to restaurants was unimaginable. The skids were taught ZERO table manners. They would hang off of railings, block the aisles for wait staff, stand on the table, crawl under the table, spit beverages out of straws at each other, order off the adult menu then eat a few bites, making an absolute mess, scream with raucous laughter that would make a 767 blush. Oh the hate stares!
Chef was told one time at a LAUNDROMAT that YSS was making too much noise, screaming, running around, jamming the soap dispensers and climbing in the machines. Chef's response to the older woman complaining? "Mind your own business, lady!"
SD ran the ATV that I had bought into the mud several times although she was told not to. She then blamed the ATV for steering into the mud in which Chef had to literally haul her out of. When she broke the ATV, she demanded "When are you going to get this fixed??!!" to daddykins. He got all apologetic.
Since visitation was done "on the fly" (meaning at the BM's beck and call) I would often pull in on a Friday after a long work week only to be greeted by candy and toy wrappers leaving a trail up to the house. I also pulled up to all three skids completely unsupervised by Chef spray painting the side of my house and another vehicle which I caught just in time. Never knowing when the skids would show up at my house was the norm.
After the phoney CPS report in which all three skids lied to "make mommy happy" and it took six months of paperwork for me to get Chef off the New York State Child Abuse and Maltreatment Registry, SD in particular was not remorseful whatsoever and was in fact very angry that we took the ATV away as punishment. I can still see her at eight years old, head down, scowling like a demon and banging her fist into the table. There are many more incidents such as going through my purse and CHef's wallet when she "thought we were asleep" and getting caught lying or caught red handed doing destructive stuff. Too many to mention.
Back to the Big Box stores. By this time older two had PASed out. YSS would go to the appliance dept and pull.every.knob off of all the model appliances. Instead of Chef telling him to stop doing that, he started to put the knobs back on for him one by one :barf:
Then there was the soda pop incident. Chef was in the bad habit of giving skids caffeine which they DIDN'T need in the form of lots of chocolate desserts (without a proper dinner of course) and cola drinks. Chef was fond of diet cola. I purchased ROOT BEER exclusively for YSS (at the time stb 6). YSS stood over us with his finger on the "trigger" aka tab of the diet cola; shaking it vigorously and getting ready to spray/douse both Chef and I. Chef said "Honnnneeeeey now put the diet soda down" SEVERAL times. Defiantly YSS shouted "I'm gonna DRINK this diet cola!" I finally took action and took the soda away from YSS; heading for the kitchen and saying "I'm going to get you some root beer instead." YSS turned on the water works INSTANTLY, crying and running to his room. Papa Grizzly came out and Chef had murder in his eyes. He ran toward me turning purple and twisting my arm DEMANDING that I apologize to YSS as he as only trying to "get a drink of cola."
No explanation or reason would do but I REFUSED to apologize to a very spoiled and non-parented little boy. I looked at YSS peeking out from the bedroom door with a smirk on his face that I "got in trouble with daddykins."
Seeing that Chef did NOT establish any rules/boundaries/routines for the skids, I often found YSS staring at anime cartoons in his bedroom near midnight. I walked into the room turned off the TV, said goodnight to YSS and told him he needed to get some rest. The next day I saw YSS whispering to Chef. I knew what he was whispering about. He was tattling on me that I didn't knock before entering HIS room. Chef told me about it and I said that I didn't know if he was sleeping or not so knocking would have woken him up had he been sleeping. Chef didn't make an issue about that then and YSS was visibly angered that I didn't "get in trouble with Chef" for DARING to enter his room without knocking to shut off the blaring anime (Chef was sound asleep snoring to beat the band.) To this day, this event is brought up by Chef as me "disrespecting his kids." :barf:
Later came the houseshitting incident and then the PAS out over a homecooked meal.
Yep, ask me if I'm sad about the PAS out. I USED to think Chef was a good, involved dad. Yeah, right. He and BM are two of the WORST parents on God's Green Earth. I'd take Adrian Peterson ANYDAY as a parent over these two BFFing clowns.
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Hugs thinkthrice and thank
Hugs thinkthrice and thank you BTW. (I'll explain that one day)
The fact that you tolerated
The fact that you tolerated all of this is amazing to me. And let me guess, Skids have all kinds of problems, but its not their fault. And of course, it can't be DH's fault. I find it amazing how so many parents bury their head in the sand. Lucky for you, the kids aren't part of your everday life anymore.
Yep. Each skid is a failure
Yep. Each skid is a failure academically, on all sorts of anti depressant meds, ADHD meds. OSS is a pot fiend, tatooed up the wazoo (will be 18 next month) going nowhere fast and living with his father's estranged brother who has "parties with minors" all the time.
SD (stb 16) will be preggers probably within the next two years
I predict that YSS will be the next masked shooter at his high school or in a public place in the next five years.
Hahaha. That's my husband. My
Hahaha. That's my husband. My SD was making a huge commotion on an airplane once. People were visibly irritated, and afterwards my husband went on and on about how rude this woman was for giving him dirty looks the whole time.