Just Thought I'd Trot Out "The List" for Any Noob Who Thinks They Might Have a Guilty/Disney Dad On Their Hands...
1. Does your man allow co-sleeping with his children? (aka the kiddies routinely jump into bed with him at night)
2. Does he have to lie down with them to get them to sleep?
3. Do the children seem somehow "stunted" socially? Do they have poor hygiene habits, eating habits, bedtime habits?
4. Does your man subscribe to the "one big happy family" model? (expects you to love his children as much as or more than him)
5. Does your man have the "inability" to say no to his children?
6. Do his children seem overly "hyperactive" to you?
7. Does your man say "just relax; you worry too much" or "Everything will be just fine" if you bring up a legitimate concern
8. Do the children seem "overly needy" demanding that dad spend 24/7 with them? Do they physically lay all over him and go bonkers when daddy steps out of their peripheral vision?
9. Are they unable to do age appropriate tasks or want dad to do things that could easily be done themselves?
10. Does dad seem overprotective of his children; unwilling to let them try things out on their own?
11. Has dad said things like "I don't want to make waves with the BM b/c it will affect the children" or "we'll take the high road" when faced with blatant BM stepping over boundaries.
12. Has dad said things to you like "you don't like my children" or "my children are UNCOMFORTABLE with you" or "you're a child hater" or "my children are afraid of you" or "my children don't like you?" This is code for you are able to see through the manipulation and the children don't like it. . . and frankly he doesn't like the fact that you can see through his children's manipulation either. He'd rather look the other way as opposed to actually parenting because he might "lose" his children to the (almost always) PASinator BM.
If you can answer YES to ANY of these questions, get your sneakers ready to go.
Do you know your man's FINANCIAL situation? Do you know if he has massive left over marital debt? How high is his CS obligation? Have you seen the divorce decree or mediation agreement. Does it seem overly slanted in BM's favour?
Love and "understanding" simply does not cover it all. Especially in the case of stepmom is supposed to be "understanding" when all of her money goes to household expenses b/c almost all of biodad's money goes to CS.
How long would you be willing to float biodad should he lose a job and have massive CS obligations?
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Are you living in my house?
Are you living in my house? YES to all of these, only with SS though of course. He's not that way with our other two. He's a loving, caring father to our two boys, but not some soppy wet piece of bread like he is with SS. Fortunately, no debt from the prior relationship besides the court stuff that seems to never go away. He's also got it pretty good as far as child support goes, so no worries there. But the emotional CRAP is far worse than any financial thing I can imagine. It just makes me just...eugh.
You need a checklist for
You need a checklist for adult skids. Number 5 should be number 1 on that list.
Omg yes, yes, yes !!!
Omg yes, yes, yes !!!
Love it! I have older skids
Love it! I have older skids but oddly enough much does still hold true lol!
Good to know it never ends...
Ugh!
Does he entertain non-stop
Does he entertain non-stop and spend a god-awful amount of money during visitation, leaving him flat broke....
Yep mine is on constant
Yep mine is on constant entertainment mode. We can never just sit around and chill like we normally do and always spends excessively on toys, snacks, pre-COVID on activities.
I was reading this and
I was reading this and thinking yep...
3, 4, 7, 9 and 12. BINGO! And
3, 4, 7, 9 and 12.
BINGO!
And I am so over it! Got my sneakers ready..........
Wow. So there's a name for it
Wow. So there's a name for it. Disney Dad. Somehow it is both affirming to see this written out and realize it's not a unique phenomenon, and also awful realizing it's something that likely isn't going to change. So many of the red flags that have come up for me are reflected on this list. Gut instincts don't lie, it seems.
I realize this post is old
I realize this post is old but someone just tagged the link on my post...
1. Yes, until I told him that i felt uncomfortable because it's inappropriate to sleep in bed with other people's children.
2. Yes. Once I was no longer okay with SD sleeping with us, he would sleep on air mattress next to her. After a while of doing this and after OUR baby was 6mo I put a stop to it and explained I need help at bedtime with our baby like I get on typical days.
3. Yes. SD is 8yo. Poor hygiene- won't brush until told, needs help getting shower set up, unable to brush own hair. Poor eating- messy, chew with mouth open, can't cut up food. Poor bedtime- what bedtime? You mean after midnight?
4. Yes. Believed I would love her like INSTA MOM! Just bc he instantly loved his SD that he had with exW (he met her while she was a baby and helped raise her for 5yrs in comparison to me meeting at 6 and barely seeing her enough to have formed a strong bond).
5. Depends.
6. No. HA! The opposite. I wish I would she her active rather than on her dang iPad.
7. Yes. All concerns are brushed off and "will be resolved" but never are.
8. Yes. She is up his ass. Can't be alone unless either of them is using the bathroom!
9-11. Yes
12. Yes. Said that I don't like my SD.
This is a Masters Class in Disney Dadism
Hit all the buttons!
This is my household!
They are all pretty much applicable but the ones that jump out at me are: (1) "stunted" development. The don't do chores and have bad hygiene. My SD13 had terrible body odor, and thinks washing the dishes is rinsing them with water. They also need him to cut up their meat.
(2) They also stay up yelling all night and set their own bedtime. Reminds me of living in a freshman dorm.
(3) And the inability to say no is huge! I keep waiting for him to say no to one of their crazy requests for loads of candy or ice cream.