Rotten behavior ruining holiday
She's at it again (9 year old SD). We have family over for the holidays. Usually when other people come to visit that she hasn't seen in awhile, she doesn't act as rude towards me. But today she has proved me wrong. I ask her to help clean the house and she argues with me the whole time. I am standing their talking to my sister-in-law that just got here from LA, and my SD walks up to me and says excuse me in a sassy manner. When I step aside, she walks up to me again as says it again! Right in front of our company.
She has no respect for me. No matter how much I talk to her about how much I love her. That if she doesn't show respect to others, that they wont want to be around her. We have tried various punishments - taking away her spending money for a month, making her do extra chores, and sending her to her room. Our family as a whole has invested so much time and energy into family therapy. My husband and I even go to couples therapy to try to figure out how to hand her, so it won't effect our marriage. Nothing seems to work. She seems to get a kick out of making me sad, angry and or frustrated. She could care less how much her actions her me. And I am the mom that raised her, did all the hard work and made all the sacrifice.
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Do you have a place she can
Do you have a place she can go for a month where life isn't so great? Maybe with relatives (who are strict) or just look into a camp for her that has some discipline. My daughter acted up about that age and I sent her to stay with my parents for a whole month and she begged to come back home. She was great after that. I was lucky. Good luck children are the toughest challenge in life but they are well worth it in the end.
I wish she could go live
I wish she could go live with her birth mom for a while. Her birth mom is a complete nightmare. But that's why she can't leave with her. I think the birth mom would really screw her up. Then I would really be dealing with a nightmare of a stepdaughter. Other than that, I don't know of any family that would be able to take her in. But I do like the idea of finding a camp that deals with behavioral problems. If money wasn't so tight - that would be something I would do right now!
Not in place where that is
Not in place where that is possible. I love her dearly. Therefore the fact that she can hurt me so much and not think twice about it makes me upset.
I think she needs to spend
I think she needs to spend the holiday in her room, writing a report on how she should behave and treat you-! Where is DH when SD is smarting off? I would definitely excuse her from the festivities.
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"What luck for rulers that men do not think."
Adolf Hitler (1889 - 1945)Yeah I wish that were
Yeah I wish that were possible. We all went to a relatives house. So there was no one home to stay with her if she had to be by herself in her room for the day.
Unfortunately, most of her rude behavior happens when my husband leaves the room or leaves the house. She is sweet as pie when he is around. But turns into a sour grape when he leaves.
LOL... for the longest, I thought I was going crazy when it first started happening. But no, its real.
Honey, from reading your
Honey, from reading your entries it sounds like this child is taking a serious toll on your well-being.
I think you should talk to DH and tell him he is not to leave you with his child, that he needs to be 100% responsible for her so that you are not the target for her misplaced anger.
She definitely needs counseling, probaby re. her mom-!! Remove yourself from her reach honey, that is definitely within your rights to do - let him deal with his child. HUGS!
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"What luck for rulers that men do not think."
Adolf Hitler (1889 - 1945)Thank you ME. Really good
Thank you ME. Really good advice. I will take it to heart.
If she is sassy with you
If she is sassy with you throw it back in her face and stand your ground. In front of other too. Cause i'm sure they see it as well. If she says excuse me, says, your excuse, please wait a minute until i finish. That's all.
When my sd use to call and say no hello, no nothing ...example: Me: Hello Sd: is my dad there? Me: yes, just a minute....No hello or hi there, can i please speak to my dad. nothing. So after that first time she did that, the next following times i answered hello, got the same response, i wouldn't answer , instead i slammed the phone on the wood panel or just threw it so it clanked into her ear very loud and got my husband. did that for 3 months straight or others times i wouldn't answer the phone and ignored it. She got the message, she then began to say hi, can i speak to my dad please.
I am sure you dh doesn't see it cause she is sweet when he is gone. I would tape it!! and then get my dh to watch it and then let him explain his daughters behaviour and then i would confront her and tell her either speak to my nice or f off!
you then have to completely learn to not answer her and giv eher a hard lesson .Regardless of how much you love her.
Tough love. Love it Angel.
Tough love. Love it Angel. Thank you for the advice.
Personally I would
Personally I would disengage. Just tell DH that for a month you will try this:
Do not tell sd what to do.
Do not do anything for her
act as though she barely exists but be polite and reserved.
Basically you act as though you couldn't care less what she does or doesn't do. The main thing is that you act as though you don't care and she has no control over your emotions. Don't get sad, angry...anything. If she does upset you then don't show it and go to your room or take a bath until you regroup. Just be like "whatever, I don;t care enough to try."
Absolutely! I have been
Absolutely! I have been wanting to try this. I just need to get ahold of my emotions. I just wish I didnt have to resort to game playing. But something has to happen on my part to keep my sanity. Because, I love my husband, but he just doenst get it because he doesnt see all the rude things she does and says to me.